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All Good With Aaron Wood: WCW's 1999 Wrestlecrap
By Aaron Wood
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Hello, my Gathering! I know, two night's in a row for stuff posted by me. Not only that, but, if it isn't up already, there's a Yak Trak on it's way at
ClubWWI.com. I have been a busy little bee. Anyway, this is a little something special, because in the last day or so, on our forums, we have a thread about the Rise & Fall of WCW DVD, and in it, alrighty_monkey said they hadn't seen the FINGERPOKE OF DOOM~! before, which, for whatever reason, got me remembering about a column I wrote for...something...can't remember what...in 2004 before this site even existed, reviewing a tape of WCW's Wrestlecrap of 1999 alone, because if you care to remember, there was a whole story to how the FINGER POKE OF DOOM~! ended up happening, which was on this tape, so just because I can and just because Canadian Bulldog put up something I'd imagine that no-one would want to read, I thought I'd put up that article from way back when. As I say, this was form the ol' tape-trading days. Not that I traded any, per se, but I bought them from the various sites on the go at the time. Anyway, this is unedited in terms of content, so there may be swears that I would normally edit out on the free site (you have to pay to hear me effing and blinding...), but just remember for all the terrible stuff that WCW did, this small selection (as I recall the tape was about 2 hours long) was from 1999 ALONE...
I never got to watch much of WCW, and certainly none before the millennium. Indeed, it was only in it’s dying days, and I was at University, where I could easily get Channel Five (the station that was carrying WCW Worldwide at the time), did I get to see any of it. So, when and where I can, I pick stuff up, and this tape became available to me, so I picked it up. If you don’t know the Wrestlecrap website, then shame on you, but if you do, you’ll kind of know what we’re dealing with here. This compilation goes over some of the worst angles in WCW, amazingly enough, in 1999 alone. Some of these have indeed been “inducted” into the annuls of the Wrestlecrap website. Some haven’t, but I’ll detail what’s on the tape as it happens. Just a note on the quality of footage here. I’m watching this on LP, and I can imagine it was hardly picture perfect to begin with, given how many times it’s possible that it’s been copied and what not. However, it’s still really quite watchable, barring an occasional, and small, adjustment in tracking. THE FINGER POKE OF DOOM When talking about WCW’s demise, many people point this out as when WCW finally and truly hit rock bottom creatively, as forever after, they never really rose above that level again. I like this re-cap. It doesn’t just look at the angle itself, but also looks at what set it up. Much like 24, all of the events of this section take place in one night. We start with Goldberg outside, surrounded by quite a few cops. They want to arrest him, although it’s not revealed what for. Bill actually talks for as long as all his WWE promo’s put together, or at least something close to it. As he’s led away, Kevin Nash, who was due to defend the WCW World Title against Goldberg later that night, protested. In the background, we saw Hulk Hogan, who had been “retired” for the last month to concentrate on running for the US Presidency (another story for another time…). Nash suggests that Hogan was behind it. Goldberg is booked into the police station. He is told that he’s under arrest for “aggravated stalking”, and that his accuser was Elizabeth Lebetski (sp?). Bill has no idea who she is, but the announcers do. Miss Elizabeth. When Bill is told who she is, he’s amazed as anyone. She’s being interviewed at the same time. As a side note, they played this for real (i.e. using Liz’s real name) as Vince Russo’s belief that Reality=Ratings. If there was a chance to make something like a shoot, Vince could do his best to do it… To be fair though, I don't think this was Russo who was booking at this point. He may have been out by then, but like any good sexually transmitted disease, the symptoms may be gone, but the effects live on forever... We cut to Elizabeth being interviewed. She says that Bill last confronted her at the WATER COOLER (the reason these are in capital will become prevalent later). She says that she’s filed a few reports now. She says he was stalking her at, basically the WCW shows. She references the previous weeks Nitro, and the PPV (Starrcade) the week before. She then says he was at the same hotel she was. And that when at the gym as well. Goldberg is the first one clever enough to point out that he has to be in the same place as her during the shows, and that the front office books the hotels. The officer talking to Goldberg mentions the gym Liz talked about “the Obaki (sp?) gym”, Bill points out that HE OWNS THE PLACE! Bill wants to leave, but isn’t able to. Back at the arena now, Kevin Nash comes out and talks about how Goldberg was screwed at Starrcade (Goldberg lost the WCW Title and his streak, when Scott Hall, dressed as Security, stuck a tazer into Goldberg, while Nash’s back was turned, allowing Big Sexy to pick up the victory). Nash calls out Hogan, figuring he’s behind it. Nash asks the storyline-WCW president, Ric Flair, for a match, for the title, against Hogan, before Goldberg got back to the arena. Flair comes out, puts over Nash, acknowledges that Hogan’s likely behind it, and makes the match. We go back to the cop shop, where a second detective is talking to Liz. She says that Bill last accosted her at the COKE MACHINE, apparently wearing RED TIGHTS. She references the Obaki Gym. She starts to get desperate, by claiming that he rings her up, and then hangs up, before going on the offensive, by demanding action. Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Hulk Hogan (by actually calling him “popular”, despite being a heel). Mean Gene starts by asking Hogan about his political aspirations, rather than, you know, the storyline that’s going on. Hogan yammers on a bit. Hogan finally gets onto the subject, and bitches about Nash apparently claiming that Hogan was too scared to face him, despite having done no such thing. Hogan then tells the Wolfpac that when he wins, he’ll be the Big Bad Wolf, in an analogy that does make sense, since the wolf part of the three pigs story was already existent. There was no bigger wolf that came along and showed the wolf that couldn’t blow the bricks down how to get things done. Anyway, I digress… As Hogan walks away, Tony Schiavone makes his most famous call of all time, by making the “Mick Foley” calls, and giving away the fact that Mick Foley was due to win the WWF Title on that night’s (taped) RAW. Yes, that was THIS show as well. We cut back to Liz. The detectives come in and pull her up on her changed story, and how all the WCW talent would be in the same places. They pull her up on the watch she’s wearing and how she’s been constantly looking at it. They then make mention of how she said Bill was wearing red, when he wears black. They threaten her with perjury charges, at which point, she panics, and tries to back out of it, claiming she was mistaken, and that there are a lot of bald headed wrestlers. She now wonders if she’s cost Goldberg his title shot… Goldberg is released, but Michael Buffer is in the ring. Buffer does his pre-match spiel, and the wrestlers come out. Hogan is accompanied by Scott Steiner. Kevin Nash comes out and points, as he does, to the entrance, when who should appear but Scott Hall, in a Wolfpac shirt. The story, as I remember it, was that Hall and Nash weren’t on the same side, but Hall was trying to get back with him. The fact that Nash was earlier complaining about Hall’s interference should have been enough to tell anyone watching that something was up. Just as a side note, by the look on his face, Hall looks like he’s had a couple. Hogan stalls to start. Nash mocks Hogan by ripping of his shirt. Hogan wanders round the ring, before Nash shoves him into the corner. Hogan comes back out, and lines up a punch. He stops the punch just short, and gives Nash the infamous FINGER POKE OF DOOM!!!!! Nash sells it like he’s just been shot, and Hogan makes the cover for the three count. Nash pops back up as if he’s only been somehow been downed by a finger poke, and Steiner and Hall come back in, both celebrating. Eric Bischoff comes on the announce mic, and starts giving a running commentary, boasting of what’s just happened. At this point Goldberg comes in to the building and bee-lines for the ring. He takes out Steiner, Hall and Nash, as the trash starts flying in the ring, like it did when the nWo originally formed. Hogan gets a couple of shots in, but eats a Goldberg spear. Lex Luger comes down, to prevent Hall coming in the ring, as Goldberg picks Hogan up for a Jackhammer Slam (I told you I’d forever refer to it as that). However, naturally, Luger turns on Goldberg as well, prompting a big beat down, including handcuffing Goldberg to the bottom and taking liberties with a tazer. Spray paint is added to the WCW Title belt, once again, and then to Goldberg’s back and head. THE LWO HAS A PARTY! This bit is not listed on the tape, but it seems that the lWo is hosting their own soiree. If you don’t know who they are, the lWo were basically all the Latino wrestlers in WCW banded together. I don’t think they were an actual nWo offshoot, but rather just used the name, like the Blue World Order in ECW. Basically, this is a party, with the lWo wrestlers and some ladies. Eddie Guerrero seems to be the host, and we start outside, with what? What else, but some low-riders… There is a mariachi band in attendance (maybe that’s why Eddie got angry on Smackdown, when Lesnar brought them out, they played badly at this party too!!!). It should be noted that practically every wrestler, except for Eddie and La Parka look bored out of their brains. Nothing really happens. Just Eddie and La Parka enjoying themselves, and everyone else wishing they were elsewhere. I'm guessing that's a shoot on that level. Eddie wins some cash playing poker. A few guys, only one I know being Psychosis, talk about how Eddie’s changing. But apart from that, this is a nothing segment, as far as I can tell. It should be noted that this occurred on the same night as the Finger Poke Of Doom angle. Yes, the lWo party, FINGERPOKE OF DOOM~! & Schiavone's call were all on the same night. RAVEN GOES HOME… The story here is that Raven “lost his smile”, and went home. Of course, the story goes that Raven is from a rich family, and it shows here. We see Raven sitting, being talked to by his mother, who appears to be wearing a bright pink poncho, and his grandmother, who is wearing a blue one. Raven’s Grandma follows in the tradition of randy old women in wrestling, as she has got a hold of Chris Kanyon’s knee, much to his angst… Mother wants Raven to go back to his psychiatrist, when Chastity comes in and sides with Raven. Raven riles against his mother, as Grandma and Kanyon talk about something else. Raven gets up and leaves as Mother chews out Chastity for siding with her brother. It should be noted that like the first angle, where they were using real names, Raven’s mother is calling him “Scott” or variations thereof. Remember Russo’s Commandment. Reality=Ratings! In the next “skit”, the family are outside as Kanyon skims the pool. Mother calls out to “James”, who is of course, James Fullington, a.k.a. The Sandman, or in WCW, Hardcore Hak. Kanyon is not best pleased to see Sandman, who promptly slaps Kanyon into the pool, who is then bitched at by Mother for getting in the pool when it’s just been cleaned. At this point, Sandman turns into the campest man alive when greeting Grandma and Mother. He sits and talks to the women about his kids and whatnot. Raven comes over and whines about Mother taking (for want of a better term) Sandman from him. Sandman reassures the older women (Chastity wants nothing to do with him), as the skit ends. The next skit sees Kanyon approach another house of Raven’s family (he indeed wonders how many there are). Kanyon comes in as Mother is leaving. When she is gone, Raven reveals that it’s all a ruse, and that he’s only acting depressed to annoy her. It’s at this point that Raven starts doing asides into camera, starting by calling Kanyon “a mark” (REALITY=RATINGS!). They then take a really flashy car (with my knowledge of cars, that’s as far I can describe it). They head to a bank, where he is greeted by the president, where they leave with BAGFULLS of cash. They then head to a store (Versace, no less). Raven takes Kanyon in and decks him out in some flashy clothes. They return home, just as Raven’s mother is returning. Kanyon quickly changes back, and greets Mother. She asks how he’s been, and he thinks Raven will be OK. Mother tells Raven that WCW wants him back at work, and that’s the end of that group of dull, unfunny (except for Sandman’s OTT camp performance, mainly because it was the antithesis of the beer swilling, smoking, caning monster). And they did NOTHING. Raven went back to WCW the same way he left it, if a little poorer… FLAIR GETS HIS REVENGE! On the last Nitro of 1998, Ric Flair beat Eric Bischoff to become the President of WCW, at least in storyline terms. Now it was time for Bischoff to munch on some humble pie. We get a clip of Flair starting Bischoff off by making him Tony Schiavone’s man-servant, but we don’t see any of that. We cut to WCW Headquarters, and Bischoff finding that he has to sign in and that the office personnel had changed. Flair keeps Eric waiting. A women, who looks like a fat Linda McMahon, and has the same amount of acting talent, eventually tells Eric that Ric will see him. Ric and Eric talk, first about the nWo’s reformation and Eric’s cheering on the microphone. Ric does cut to the quick, and says that for the next few months, Eric’s life will be hell. Ric leads Bischoff outside, where he is shown what he’ll be doing first. Hauling the WCW ring from Atlanta to Tennessee and setting it up. Eric is funny here, as he just drops his box of belongings. We then see clips of Eric setting up the ring, under orders, from those who were once his underlings, and he does seem to be the only one working. There is some good banter here, although it does go on for a while. Eric’s next “punishment” is to sit in a dunk tank, as anyone who wanted to, could throw balls at the target and try to dunk Eric. First up is J.J. Dillon. He gets Eric in the tank quite quickly, but it should be noted that the target is quite unreliable, quite probably even worked. The guy hit the target, but it took a few seconds for Eric’s board to slide in. Next up was a cameraman. He hits the target quickly but Bischoff, for some reason goes nowhere. He keeps trying but keeps missing, when they cut for a break. Next up is referee, Scott Dickenson, who dunks Eric. Next up is Bobby Heenan himself. He tells Eric that he’s not here to dunk him, and doesn’t want Eric to get ill. He picks up the balls to give to Eric but hilariously (and I do mean it, if being a little exaggerated) slips onto the target dunking Eric, in a way only Heenan can. Next up is the team of Dean Malenko and Ric Flair. Flair throws a couple of balls, gives up, and just pushes the target, dunking Eric. We move onto another “punishment” which sees Eric become the “Head Custodian” (i.e. Toilet Attendant), namely for the non-nWo guys. This leads to Jimmy Hart claiming to need for toilet roll, as a couple of big guys make a stink. Later, the lWo need their deodorant. Eric asks them for tips. Later, Larry Zbyszko taunts Eric, before overflowing the sink. I have to say, these were actually fairly funny, especially the first two punishments. And I have to say, Eric Bischoff was a top sport for doing these things. Would you see Vince McMahon sit outside in the middle of February, letting his employees attempt to “dunk” you into some cold water? Actually, you probably would, given what he's done in the last few years, but work with me here... FLAIR TAKES A BEATING… I don’t know if the next segment is related or not, but it’s not advertised in the running order on the site I got this from. Anyway, it starts off with a helicopter (with flashlight) trailing a limo, containing Ric Flair and some executives. They are tailed by some Hummers. The guys in the Hummers, namely the nWo, scare off the execs before laying an extended beating on Flair. For some reason, the nWo are wearing masks despite it being obvious who some of them are, for instance, it’s Hogan who drags Flair out the limo, and is Nash and Hall who take Flair down. This is just an extended beating, like the one Evolution gave Mick Foley a month or two ago, on RAW, except this one is in the middle of a field, with only the helicopter search light lighting the scene. At the end they take their masks off, just to REALLY negate the point of wearing them in the first place. The beat down lasts just over six minutes, but it feels like an eternity. Just a really boring bit, with very poor visibility. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEPE! Chavo Guerrero, one day decided to get himself a pet. He didn’t buy a dog, like Al Snow or the British Bulldogs. He didn’t get a parrot, like Koko B. Ware. He got…A STICK HORSE! Yep, he got himself a stick with a horse’s head on it, and called it Pepe. What’s worse, it had a birthday. However, in the ultimate irony, it would die on the same it was born… Mean Gene Okerlund appeared on the aisle way, with a birthday cake on a table. He brought out Chavo and Pepe, and they sing “Happy Birthday” to Pepe. However, Norman Smiley came out. It seems as if Smiley and Chavo have had problems but Norman claims that he just wants to be friends now. Oddly enough, Chavo doesn’t want to, but Pepe does. At that point, Smiley attacked Chavo, and took Pepe. We saw Smiley ride Pepe backstage, out into the car park, where we saw a Wood Chipper waiting, and before long Pepe was starting the afterlife in “Inanimate Wrestling Prop Heaven” with Moppy, Nidia’s fur coat and Al Wilson. BRET HART SHOOTS ON MAD TV If you don’t know what it is, MAD TV is a comedy show in the US based on MAD Magazine. WWE guys have appeared on there, and in this case it was Bret Hart taking part in a sketch. The sketch seems to have star Will Sasso play Jesse Ventura, who had just asked Bret to be an assistant. Bret proceeds to poke the glass out of a journalists glasses before putting another one in an armlock. We cut to a bit that seemed to be off script, in that the female actor in the sketch was complaining about something, and Will Sasso was asking her if she was OK. At this point, Bret took a chair and struck Sasso across the back with it, seemingly on his own volition. (REMEMBER…REALITY=RATINGS!) Bret then locked Sasso in a sharpshooter as the other cast members and technicians tried to get him to stop. This, of course, led to a match between Bret Hart and Will Sasso. Sasso was with co-star Debra Wilson, who seemed to want to keep falling out her dress. Bret squashes Sasso, who is no small man. Or even a medium man. He’s fat. It came to a point in the match, where Bret wanted to smack Sasso with a chair, but Wilson stopped him. But of course, this was WCW. So there just had to be a SWERVE~!, as Wilson started hitting Sasso with the chair, if you could call the totally weak shots “hitting”. Best part of the match was a Flair Flop that Sasso did at the beginning, and if that’s your saving grace, you know it sucked. STEINER STALKS KIM PAGE! We start this as we see some of the girls practise their dancing. Steiner comes out, and shows himself off to Kimberly. He grabs her arm, and she falls backwards over one of the other girls, knocking herself out. Steiner gets out of there sharpish. We move to the car park, as DDP and Kim were leaving. Steiner came up to her, prompting DDP, who was about to drive his wife home, to attack Steiner. Kim got in the car, for her (apparent) safety. The men fought, but security intervened, allowing Steiner to get away in the Page’s car! DDP made to chase them, but Steiner turned the car around, and as he drove away, he pushed Kimberly Page out of the moving car! Of course it was a stuntwoman, but it was done bloody well. We only saw Kim’s face after a break, as they waited for an ambulance. I must say that technically, this was bloody well done. Everyone acted brilliantly, and the big spot worked well as it was, quite frankly, frightening. But I think that the angle itself was frankly a “Don’t go there” thing, which is quite probably why it’s on this tape, but me? I wouldn't have put it on here. BUFF & PUMP HEAD FOR SPRING BREAK This is what it says on the tin. A series of skits featuring Buff Bagwell and Scott Steiner crossing the country, basically to promote the Spring Break Nitro. In San Fran (a few years too early to get married, huh?), they head for the gym. A couple of shots of them lifting next to nothing are stuck in between Buff chatting up a hottie. She tells them to meet her, but where they end up is a transvestite bar. In Boston, we are with some cops, tailing our ambiguously gay duo, who are weaving their Hummer all over the place. The cops pull them over. What do the cops do next? Do they breathalyse them? Do they make sure they have their papers? Neither. In fact, when the cops realise who the wrestlers are, THEY GIVE BUFF AND STEINER BADGES AND A TICKET BOOK, SO THEY CAN GO OUT AND BE COPS! This leads to the two handing out tickets to various people. They even call themselves Starsky (Steiner) and Hutch (Bagwell). Very unfunny… IMITATION IS NOT ALWAYS FLATTERY We all remember DX’s parodies of things like the Nation Of Domination. Well, this is a series of WCW parodies. First up is the nWo “doing” various members of WCW, namely Flair and The Horsemen, trying to get through to David Flair. David Flair is lounging with Torrie Wilson, both of whom do nothing else during this skit, as Disco Inferno, made up as a very old Gene Okerlund comes in. Flair says he’s the “new and improved Space Mountain”. Kevin Nash comes in as Arn Anderson and talks about "spots" before falling over. Scott Hall, quite probably VERY pissed, comes in, imitating Roddy Piper, and before long Hogan comes in, pretending to be Flair, even with the stripping bit. This is all, frankly, very unfunny, and it’s ONLY saving grace was, surprisingly, Disco’s impression of Okerlund, as it was actually spot on, and showed up how bad Okerlund could be, by continually talking, repeating what was being said, over the people talking. The next parody was Buff Bagwell doing Scott Steiner. Badly. Basically this was Buff Bagwell, throwing in Steiner’s bicep kiss and mocking a couple of his phrases. Zzz… Buff was at it again, in the next parody, this time doing Ernest Miller. This was, frankly, a million times better. He almost had the voice perfect, and had some decent moves. That said, it was still rather boring, and ended when the real Ernest Miller came down, and beat on Bagwell. BLACK & WHITE PICK A LEADER This one starts out with the nWo B-Team (comprised of Stevie Ray, Scott Norton, Vincent, Brian Adams and Horace Hogan) sitting around, whingeing about not doing anything, but before long, it spews into “Do you think you’re the leader?” argument, until they get a note from “the boys” which annoys them. Stevie Ray gets in a great line, “I didn’t sign up for any of this B-Team crap.” Then cheering ensues, leading into the next segment, so the rest is pretty inaudible with the tape quality. We cut to later, as they try out a couple of walkie-talkies. Horace leaves to meet and greet the Red & Black members. Later, a limo shows up, and Hogan goes to check it out, but it’s not the nWo but the Horsemen. We cut to later again, as the other B-Team guys find Hogan, while still bitching at each other. We cut to later again, as Vincent tries to rally the troops. He gets rid of them, leaving him to take off his white and black shirt, to reveal a red and black one. They all head to the ring, with Vincent coming out last in his red and black nWo shirt. Vincent gets on the stick, bitches at the Horsemen before entering Adams and Hogan into an imminent Tag Team tournament, much to their consternation. He then challenges the Horsemen to a six man match, with the B-Team consisting of himself, Stevie Ray and Norton, to THEIR consternation. The four gang up on Vincent, before walking out on him. In the back, Vincent proclaims that he only wants to be called “Vince” now. The others don’t care… I'm sure Vince McMahon didn't. As they leave, Vincent (Oh, and I didn’t care either) notices a camera in the corner of the room. We see the monitor the camera is hooked up to, and who should be watching but Hulk Hogan, Scott Hall, Buff Bagwell and Kevin Nash… We cut to a series of bits where Hulk Hogan talks to each B-Team member, encouraging them to seize control of the B-Team. We then see what looks to be a repeated backstage segment, which sees the B-Team call out Hulk Hogan for his shenanigans. Hogan waxes lyrical, before telling them they will be in a battle royal for leadership This leads to an absolutely horrid over-the-top-rope battle royal, which is not surprising considering who was in it. Stevie Ray won… The worst part of all this was that, they seemed to treat this like a big deal, considering the amount of time it was given. However it was VINCENT, SCOTT NORTON, BRIAN ADAMS, STEVIE RAY AND HORACE HOGAN!!! nWo Miss Spring Break! Some guy introduces a competition winner to become Miss Spring Break. She’s decent, but not special, fully clothed and certainly not very talkative. Hogan and Nash come out with a bevy of hotter women in bikinis, who then proceed to hold an nWo Miss Spring Break contest. After a couple of minutes, Nash calls out the last competitor, who just so happens to be Torrie Wilson. She gets in the ring, and takes off her dress to reveal a nice bikini. Some guy (the same "Some Guy" as before) stands up for the WCW winner, but when Nash sets him up for a Jacknife, he says he’ll announce whoever they want him to announce. That person being, obviously, Torrie. Just as a note, Torrie looks way sexier as a heel. Basically, this was a nothing segment which was just an ego-stroker for Hogan and Nash, as well as an excuse to see Torrie in a bikini. Flair Flips! Gene Okerlund brings out Ric Flair for an interview, who is still president of WCW. He starts off quite normally, by offering everyone in the arena a drink on him. This brings out Commissioner Roddy Piper, who was apparently becoming more concerned with Flair’s use of power. The two jaw-jack along those lines. Piper talks about Flair taking his shoes off and throwing them away, prompting Flair to do it again! Piper tries to get Arn Anderson (who came out with Flair) on his side, but Arn says “It’s Ric being Ric…”. Piper then offers the time when Flair handcuffed himself to the ring, before stripping. Again, Piper turns to Arn, who again give the “It’s Ric being Ric” line. And again, Flair does what he did before, as he strips to his boxers. All the way through this interaction with Piper, Flair gets increasingly unstable. It’s at this point he flips however, as rather than constantly referring to himself as President of WCW, he calls himself President of the USA! Lil' Naitch runs out with Flair’s robe, which he disregards. Piper gets Okerlund to read a document, which states that a court has decided Flair is incapable of his job, and should be removed. Flair fires Piper, before telling Florida that he’s giving them back the National Title (College Football, I’d assume) from Tennessee. Rather odd thing for the WCW President to be doing… Piper then reveals that Flair would be facing Kevin Nash later that night. Flair then challenges Piper to a match at Slamboree for the Presidency, despite the fact Piper was just fired, and Flair removed from office. Then Flair gives the nugget “You’re fired, but I’ll fight you first.” We cut to the end of the Flair/Nash match. Nash hits a Jacknife, and covers Flair, but Robinson refuses to count, leaving the ring. Gorgeous George, looking very sexy in a pair of dungarees comes out and takes out Robinson, taking his referee’s shirt (a garment which also makes her look sexy) and getting in the ring to count the three. Some guys in white coats take Ric from the ring on a stretcher. However, when they take him to the ambulance, the crowd discovers this is no ordinary ambulance, as it has very little medical equipment in it. Indeed, they don’t even want to put the stretcher in the van, instead just bundling him in. They then shut the doors and Arn discovers the truth. Ric’s going off to the hospital alright. Just that it’s not a medical one, but a psychiatric one! We then proceed to a series of skits with Ric in the mental unit, Flair believing that he is in a hotel. The very sexy nurse, who just so happens to have a sexy uniform and bad acting skills tells the patients that there will be no Nitro for them (so that’s how the WWE won…). Flair comes into the room (to his music, via CD player!), in the same boxers he was wearing in the segment previous. He does a lot of strutting and wooing and jigging. Also, somewhere in here, Scott Hall wonders in as a patient, apropos of NOTHING WHATSOEVER, and he's not even mentioned at all. We then proceed to watch a phone call between Ric Flair and Charles Robinson, who Flair had placed in charge, with Flair demanding that Roddy Piper be arrested. We then cut to the ring with Gene Okerlund and Lil’ Naitch. Robinson affirms that he’s in charge. Piper comes out. Robinson calls for security. Piper’s opening salvo is “I could eat bowls of soup off your head.” And they said that Flair was insane… Robinson and Piper get into it as security arrive. Piper gets dragged off as Robinson fires Piper (again? Wasn’t he fired last week?), but still asserts that he would be wrestling Flair at Slamboree. Robinson gives us some “Charles In Charge” references to end the bit. We cut to another call between Flair and Robinson, with Flair telling Charles to make Sting vs. Goldberg for the PPV. However, Flair changes his mind and wants it that night. Yet another phone call is shown. Suddenly, Flair wants a World Title match between Nash, Goldberg, Sting and DDP that night. A cool note here is that in the shot of the mental hospital, we can see a TV, and it is actually showing Nitro, so the shot on the screen is the shot we are seeing. We are also introduced here to Nurse Fifi. And YET ANOTHER call is shown, with Flair asking for Rick Steiner vs. Booker T at Slamboree, and for the Four Way match to be a no-DQ. At the end Flair is jigging away when he turns round to see one of the patients doing a Scott Hall impression. Well, I think it was someone doing an impression. It was eerie. We cut to Flair in a limo, on his way to Nitro. In the limo is Fifi and Arn Anderson. In the coach in the next lane is THE ENTIRE MENTAL HOSPITAL! We cut to the limo arriving. Everyone gets out, as Flair fires almost everyone on his way. Flair goes to the ring with Fifi, Arn, JJ Dillon and Charles Robinson. Flair starts by calling out all the main players, starting with Randy Savage, and his entourage. Flair says that Robinson will take care of Gorgeous George at Slamboree, getting rid of Savage from WCW. Flair moves onto DDP, signing a match between himself and Page for the Title, that night on Nitro. Flair then chews out Piper, telling him to get ready. We cut to Savage, and his entourage, coming out, the entourage including an early Molly Holly as Miss Madness… Flair fires Savage, and asks for security. Savage says that George will beat Robinson, as security try to get Savage out of the ring. Flair keeps George back, for Robinson to chew out. George wallops Robinson, but Fifi strangles George down. Unluckily for the camera angle, George must have “popped out” (which wouldn’t be surprising considering she was barely wearing a bra), as Okerlund put his jacket over her. Flair moves onto Sting and Goldberg. Sting comes out. Sting slaps Flair down, prompting Flair to demand that Goldberg come out, which he does. Flair sucks up to Goldberg, but Bill puts Flair on his ass, but Sting and Goldberg go at it anyway. Security eventually break them apart. We then cut to one of the mental patients, who had featured quite prominently, and that Flair had dubbed Triple A (as Arn was Double A). He came out of the toilet, and tells Kevin Nash that Stevie Ray was going to take care of him. We cut to another patient in the production truck. We then cut to Flair’s office as David Flair and Torrie Wilson come in. Flair thanks David for signing him into the hospital, and as a reward gives David the chance to wrestle on Nitro, with Robinson as referee. However, when David leaves, Ric tells Arn that he will be facing Meng, and tells Robinson to stir the pot with Meng, by relaying that David had slagged Meng off. We cut to Piper walking the halls, to attack Flair. Piper ends up putting Flair down. We cut to the end of the Meng vs. David Flair match, as Meng puts on the Death Grip for the win. Ric Flair comes out as trainers help David. I should just point out that by now, Flair’s shirt is sodden. We then cut to Slamboree and Ric’s match with Piper. Piper has Flair almost beat, but Flair’s entourage keep trying to interfere. Eventually, Flair puts Flair down with some brass knucks for the win. Much to everyone’s surprise, a silver haired Eric Bischoff walks out to the ring. Eric gets on the mic and says that everyone knows that Piper won, and that Flair could “bite me”. Somehow, Bischoff’s word ACTUALLY MEANS that Piper won, despite the fact that Bischoff really didn’t have the power do reverse the decision. It was only really his opinion. Anyway, Piper fires Flair, which Flair reacts to. And that’s the end of that. Well, that was certainly a unique way to do a heel turn, but I suppose it worked. However, with all the stupid, dumb contradictions and such, as well as the stupidity of the mental patients bits, as they made Eugene look like Bill Gates, I can see why this is here. I mean, this section alone takes nearly an hour to go through, that how much there was to it. However, Flair was pretty much on form. You’d Think Konnan Would Be Bad Enough… Disco Inferno comes out. He goes to the announce table, and bemoans the fact that he doesn’t have a music video, whereas Konnan does, something which was about to be played again. Disco asks the video isn’t played, but it is anyway. However, there’s been shenanigans! We see Konnan’s video in the background, but we see Disco Inferno dancing about, before proceeding to “sing” Konnan’s song, in a mocking way. It’s…truly…awful…I wish they hadn’t played it now… Utter crap. Huh? We see Hugh Morrus and Jimmy Hart talking about a hardcore match. Hardcore Hak (The Sandman), comes in and says that he wants to give Morrus tips on Hardcore wrestling. Hak then says it would be even better if he showed Morrus. Hak then canes Morrus in the head. THAT’S IT! Next Clip! Why is that on here? Junkyard Hardcore Invitational The idea behind this is that Hardcore Hak challenged anyone who wanted to, to meet him a Junkyard at Bash At The Beach. It was meant to establish WCW’s hardcore division, but ended up being a flustercuck, with most wrestlers picking up some sort of injury. First of all, the chances are that there are more people in this match than are ever recognised. It’s just such utter random chaos out there, and it’s impossible to keep track of what’s happening and who’s making it happen. At one point, a group of guys stand there, and someone splashes them. I would say who it was, but we never find out. Not even the announcers can call it. Also, would setting up some lights have killed them? Except for the fires in the barrels, and the light from the helicopter circling above, there is no light at all, so almost everything is pretty dark, despite this videos quality. Since it’s utter chaos, more often than not, you can hear random spots being called. And hell, it can’t be a hardcore match without Jimmy Hart out there in roller blades and full padding. Thankfully he was just shouting, not joining in… The whole point of the match was to escape over the gate to the junkyard. That meant there was a bit of the old “I’ve got you by the hair, and you’re coming with me” bits, so there could be some struggle over who escaped. And the thing is, there isn’t really anything notable. The only thing of note comes towards the end when Hardcore Hak shoves Fit Finlay into the trunk of a car. The car is then moved towards a crushing machine, but Finlay manages to get out of the car before it is put into the compactor. The car then explodes Hollywood-style. Well, I say “Hollywood-style”, but, well, it wasn’t as good. The end comes when Fit Finlay and Sandman try to fight it out to see who can go over the fence. Fit Finlay eventually wins that battle and the match. As I alluded to, this was just a mess, and without many lights, a barely watchable one. OVERALL: What else can I say than this compilation is a bunch of crap? Seriously though, this is, at least, an interesting watch. In between the meaningless pish, such as the lWo party, there are some “moments” here, such as the infamous “finger poke of doom” angle, which many point to as being one of the main reasons that WCW never recovered in the Monday night wars. There is also the rather convoluted Ric Flair heel turn, via insanity. As I say, if you’re looking for great stuff, then look elsewhere, but if you are looking for something quirky and interesting, and a good indication of why, 5 years later, there is no more WCW, then this, if you know where to get it, is something you may want to take a look at…
Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on...
Lance
Cade D-Ray
3000 Bobby
Eaton Manny
Fernandez Greg Gagne Chalie
Haas B.G.
James
Rodney
Mack One
Man Gang Harley
Race Dave Taylor
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