Canadian Bulldog
An Open Letter To World Wrestling Entertainment
By Canadian Bulldog
Apr 8, 2008 - 12:57 PM

Dear World Wrestling Entertainment,

Canadian Bulldog here (don't pretend like you don't know who I am!).

Never before has that clever catchphrase meant more than it does right now. Why? Well, I understand that one of your so-called "superstars" is undergoing a name change.

At first, the son of former WWF Intercontinental, Tag Team and European Champion "British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith was known as Harry Smith. Then you changed it to D.H. Smith when he began wrestling on television for some reason. And now, you've apparently changed it again. According to the latest edition of Heat, his new moniker is... Canadian Bulldog.

That's great, and I wish the kid the very best of luck in his WWE career. Only one small problem, really. I'm not sure how to put this, it's just that, you know... YOU'RE KIND OF USING MY F'ING NAME!!!

Sure, I'm not a wrestler, but I've been writing about your company for almost five years now. I've received not one, but two letters from your legal department during that time, both addressed to the name Canadian Bulldog, at a Canadian Bulldog-branded e-mail address, so surely your lawyers have heard of me.

So have at least some of your wrestlers, whom I pranked when I wrote my best-selling book . Do they still remember me? I'm going to go out on a limb and say, at least a couple will remember the name, yeah.

At the very least, a simple Google search would show your copyright people that there's another Canadian Bulldog out there. A funnier Canadian Bulldog. A wittier Canadian Bulldog. A -- dare I say it? -- sexier Canadian Bulldog.

So now.... "Enough is enough, and it's time for a change" (okay, that one was YOUR catchphrase). It's time for Canadian Bulldog -- the real Canadian Bulldog -- to get his revenge.

If you people do not cease and desist immediately..... hmmm, I don't know, those Google searches might start finding articles online such as:

• "Why WWE should be unionized" by Canadian Bulldog
• "Why I'm a gay jerk" by Canadian Bulldog
• "Why WWE's wellness test is completely bogus" by Canadian Bulldog

And so on and so forth.

But that's not all. Proving that you guys are not the only people that can steal names, we here at World Wrestling Insanity.com are instituting the following changes immediately:

• Mike Rickard III will heretofore be referred to as Big Daddy V.
• Matt Dawgs is now known as Hornswoggle.
• ZAH's new moniker is Cryme Tyme.
• Crazy Uncle Ralph is now RBL (Ralph Bradshaw Layfield). 
• Goodbye, Aaron Wood. Hello, The Glamazon.
• Mallory Mahling = Mallory Morrison. 
• James Guttman has been renamed The Great Khali.

And so on and so forth.

So here's the thing: In my humble opinion, I'm thinking you guys might want to re-consider your little nickname for young Harry Smith. Or else we might have a little bit of a problem on our hands.

BANK ON IT!!!