Breaking News: Brock Lesnar Goes On Rampage After Gamma Ray Exposure

By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News

(Webster, South Dakota) - The life of Dr. Brock Lesnar changed forever this week after an experiment with gamma radiation went horribly wrong.

Lesnar, known as "The Next Big Thing" during his run with World Wrestling Entertainment, reacted poorly to the experiment, which was concocted to help prepare for the world of mixed-martial arts.

Instantly, Lesnar grew to gigantic proportions (no steroid jokes, PLEASE), encountered violent mood swings and became green. Though, to be fair, the latter term could also be used to describe him during his stint in Ohio Valley Wrestling.

"BROCK SMASH!" Dr. Lesnar shouted as he tore his clothes off.

Dr. Lesnar stormed through downtown streets, destroying traffic signs, toppling buildings, and F-5'ing sport utility vehicles. His path of destruction, combined with his frequency for changing career paths, prompted the army to step in.

"The Incredible Brock must be stopped," spat commanding officer Sgt. Slaughter. "And that's... an order."

Thus far, they’ve had little luck with their super-sized foe, with many soldiers being crushed in the heat of battle. Only a handful escaped, when Dr. Lesnar botched a shooting-star press off the top of a skyscraper. Professional wrestler Mick Foley was apparently at the scene taking notes for a future stunt.

Still, the army has been trying to negotiate with the monster, hoping he’ll calm down long enough to restore the peace. Dr. Lesnar only requests in return that the troops not upset him.

“Don’t make me angry,” Brock huffed. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

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Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at Bulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com