Canadian Bulldog
Canadian Bulldog's Breaking News: The Ultimate Video Game Movie
By Canadian Bulldog and Mad Tony
Nov 20, 2007 - 2:41 PM

(Bulldog's Note: Okay, fine. This doesn't have anything to do, technically, with what you stupid marks call "wrestling". But it's still insanity. So I figured it still counts. Props to my main man Mad Tony for helping me with this week's column.)

Following the rousing success of films such as Tomb Raider, Resident Evil and … um… (Doom? Super Mario Brothers? Street Fighter?)... well, others that were based on video games, we started thinking about which game adaptation would make for the next great motion picture.

After a heated debate (Elevator Action and Pole Position film concepts were thrown around liberally), we decided on a movie that might be crazy enough to work. We've even put together a mock trailer for the film:

Narrator: Meet Little Mac.
 

 
 
Narrator: Only 4 foot-eight and 108 pounds, this kid from the Bronx had little chance at succeeding in the sport of kings.
 
Mac: "I might be small, but one day, I'm going to be world champion."
 
 
Narrator: Only one person believed in him -- his trainer, Jerome "Doc" Louis.
 
 

Doc: "One, two - One, two punch, Mac! Put him away!"
 
 
Narrator: Overcoming tremendous odds, they trained day and night...
 
 

 
 
Mac: "So remind me again why I'm jogging in Central Park wearing a pink hoodie?"
 
Doc: "Dancing like a fly, bite like a mosquito!"
 
 
Narrator: Together, they were ready to rise to the very top of the World Video Boxing Association... until fate intervened.
 
 

 
 
Mac: "He has hurt me, Doc!"
 
Doc: "Join the Nintendo Fun Club today!"
 
 
Narrator: Based on a true story. Or at least, based on 1987's best-selling Nintendo Entertainment System game...
 
 

 
 
Mac: "Come on Doc, teach me more!"
 
Glass Joe: "Watch the jaw! Don't hit my jaw!"
 
 
Narrator: Sometimes, there's more to boxing then what goes on in the ring...
 
 

 
 
Narrator: Little Mac has fought for everything he's ever accomplished. But the biggest battle ahead, lies in his heart...

For the first time ever, it's the story of a prizefighter who defeated them all…
 
 

Narrator: Then he reached the final level (of his career) and met the top-ranked opponent. 
 
 

Mac: "There ain't nothin' over till it's over."
 
Tyson: "Where's that from, the 80's?"
 
Mac: "That's probably the 70's."
 
 

 
 
Narrator: From the producers of "Duck Hunt" and "Excitebike"... next Christmas, prepare to get knocked out.
 
 

-30-

Be sure to listen to the latest edition of Complete and Utter Bulldog on ClubWWI.com.  In today's 62 minute audio show, CB continues his search for wrestling's worst DVD ever.  He also bashes Aaron Wood, but that's nothing out of the ordinary.

Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more information.