As many of you stupid marks know, Canada Day is just around the corner (psst - July 1st, several days before your so-called "Independence Day"). And what better way to get in a Canuck kind of mood then to start reading up on some of Canada's most compelling wrestling books? And -- okay, fine -- one really terrible one, but we'll get to that later.

But first, let's review the patented, world-renowned Canadian Bulldog Ratings System™:

The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be: Self-explanatory. This rating is reserved for my absolute favorites, ones that I could read through over and over again.  

Oh Hell Yeah!: While not the top of the line, there's enough good stuff in here to make me want to recommend it.  

Transitional Champion: Not an urgent read, by any means. If you're starting up a collection, or if you're a big fan on the subject matter, go for it.  

Bowling-Shoe Ugly: More bad than good here. Hey, if you can pick it up for a few dollars at a used bookstore or borrow it off your friend, fine. But you've been warned.  

You're FIRRRRRRRRRED!: Why on earth would any publisher approve this crap? What were they thinking? Only valuable if you're the type that likes reading total and complete train-wrecks.  

And with that, let's work on our Molson muscle and take off to another instalment of Bulldog's Bookshelf™, eh?

Pain and Passion: The History of Stampede Wrestling

Author: Heath McCoy
Pages: 320
Synopsis: A history of the Hart family and their Stampede Wrestling promotion.   

As Keith sat in jail with a drooling drunk as his cellmate, waiting to face a judge in the morning, he began to fret. "Oh, God, what am I doing here? How will I explain this to Dad? I'm supposed to be the commonsensical son. How did things get so out of whack?" To make matters worse, he had recently been hired by the Calgary Fire Department and was still on probation. He worried this incident might end his fledgling career.

Keith's fears were laid to rest the next day at the courthouse. "How's your dad doing?" asked the judge, who wore a bolo tie and steel-toed cowboy boots. "Where's Dave Ruhl these days?" The judge turned to the arresting officers and chastised them: "You guys be careful who you're arresting next time." Keith was speechless as the bitter authorities turned him loose. 

Despite all the praise it's received over the years, I have to admit that I never watched Stampede Wrestling with any regularity. Does this make me a bad Canadian?

We got their television show here in Toronto during the late-1980's via The Sports Network (TSN) and by then, a lot of the more interesting performers had moved on to greener pastures. The matches I saw were mostly long, drawn-out affairs with tons of restholds, featuring guys whose best days were clearly behind them (or ones who would never get there). The production values were terrible compared to the other, slicker wrestling programs I had access to.

Yet Stampede was one of the most influential territories in all of wrestling, developing dozens of top performers and incorporating a style that would be emulated by many, most notably the WWF. Pain and Passion does a great job of explaining that history in vivid detail.

McCoy, a longtime Canadian journalist, provides a comprehensive history about the rise and fall of Canada's first family of wrestling and their well-known Stampede promotion. Besides speaking to several Harts, McCoy also establishes contact with several hard-to-reach wrestlers, such as Bad News Brown and Dr. D. David Schultz (the latter of which responds to pre-arranged questions via e-mail, in a kayfabed and defensive manner).

We've all heard rumors about the turbulent Hart family, and this book helps to explain it. They're a dysfunctional family, to put it mildly, and some of the stories here are worse than I could have ever imagined. What I like, though, is how impartial McCoy is in his storytelling. It would be easy enough to pick sides, or even knock WWE. But he sticks to the facts, and the end result is a good one.

Rating: The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be. This has quickly become one of my favorites, and even if you don't know a lot about Stampede, it’s a great reference piece for fans of the Hart family, the British Bulldogs, Bad News Brown and others.

Under The Mat: Inside Wrestling's Greatest Family

Author: Diana Hart, with Kirstie McLellan
Pages: 200
Synopsis: A tabloid-like look at the Hart family, through the eyes of its youngest living sibling.    

The TV cameras kept cutting to me, in order to censor all the blood. I was straining my neck to get a better look, but it appeared from where I sat that Bret had split his eye open. I thought he had lost an eye. I was horrified. My parents would never forgive Davey for this. I began weeping. Thankfully it wasn't Bret's eye that was bleeding - it was his hard head.

Bruce Pritchard, one of the WWF bookers told me he was capitvated by my facial expressions and remarked how, while Davey was such a blatant heel, I in contrast looked so innocent and fooled by it all. They started flying me out on a regular basis for TV tapings and pay-per-views, but not for regular shows. That way I stayed home with Harry and Georgia, but I went on the road with Davey when it was televised. I had the best of both worlds.

I know what you're thinking: because this is the mother of current WWE star David Hart Smith, a guy who wrestled not too long ago using... well, my name (Canadian Bulldog, remember?).... that I automatically have it in for Diana Hart. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I have it in for Diana Hart because she's written, by far, the sloppiest, sleaziest wrestling book of them all. And in this industry -- that's saying a hell of a lot.

A bit of backstory is in order. When this book came out in 2001, there were copies available at my local bookstore. I glanced through it briefly, and figured I'd pick it up later. Within days, it was pulled from bookshelves and never released again. Today, it sells used on amazon.com for a whopping $69.95!

Why all the fuss? While I don't remember all the specifics, I recall that Martha Hart (Owen's widowed wife) and others may have initiated legal proceedings because of the near-slanderous nature of Hart's comments.

After briefly looking through this book at a local library, of all places, I picked it up for literally $4 at a used bookstore. After barely choking this pile of steaming shit down, I'm pretty sure I overpaid.

My venom is justified. I am quite aware that the Harts are far from the perfect family. Hell, all of the books this week mention that very fact!  And i n fairness, I can't even begin to imagine what Diana must have gone through growing up in such a large, competitive and often backstabbing household. Add on top of that, an abusive and substance-prone husband (Davey Boy Smith; the book was published prior to his death) -- it must have been hell on earth.

My question is: why did she feel the need to expose everyone in her family? Do wrestling fans REALLY need to read about the alcohol battles of the late Helen Hart? Or the sexual habits of older brother Smith Hart? Or the fact that Martha Hart's mother was rude and liked to drink? Maybe I can't speak for everyone, but I certainly didn't need to.

Yet, with the same pen, Diana manages to paint the McMahon family as saints, even after Owen's death and Bret's screwjob. Hell, I think as much as anyone that Bret needs to "get over" Montreal now that it's been a full decade, yet I can completely see why he was so angry at his sister supporting the McMahons after Owen's death.

Please don't get me wrong: I'm not making light of her alleged abuse at the hands of Davey Boy, and anyone who has ever had to go through any of that garbage has my utmost sympathy. But it's not about that here; it's about someone realizing that dishing on top wrestling stars could turn a profit. Nothing more. Forget Eric Bischoff's (very well-written) tome; THIS book should been called Controversy Creates Cash.

Rating: You're FIRRRRRRRRRED! The best thing I can say about "Under The Mat" is that's not widely available. Hmmm, I wonder if eBay wants to take a crack at my copy?

A Lion's Tale: Around The World In Spandex

Author: Chris Jericho (with Peter Thomas Fornatale)
Pages: 409
Synopsis: The story of Jericho's international journey to land his dream job with the World Wrestling Federation.

On the first night in my room I was lying on my bed reading The Stand by Stephen King, when the door flew open and a skinny guy dressed in black walked in and started screaming at me in German. I have no idea why he was screaming at me, but before he could pee on my rug I shouted "Go away.... get the hell out of here!"

He didn't budge and his tone grew angrier. When he first busted in he'd scared the shit out of me, but now I was pissed off. I started yelling, "F*ck off, F*ck off, F*ck off," while pointing at the door with authority, figuring that he had to smell what I was cooking. When he didn't budge, I whipped the 1,100-page novel at him. It smacked him on the noggin and he stormed out the door, screaming all the way down the stairs.

I had no idea what his deal was, I was just thankful that he hadn't pulled a gun. I learned my lesson and made sure to always turn the key in the lock every time I walked into my room. After all, I didn't want anyone interrupting me while I was peeing in the sink.

There are many wrestling stories that really don't need to be written up (see the previous book as an example). Then there are others so fascinating, it would be a crying shame NOT to let the world know about them. Thankfully, Chris Jericho's first autobiography falls under the latter category.

Although he's a relatively young wrestler, Jericho plied his trade in dozens of places before hitting the big time - from carnival tents in Hamburg, to "upside down wedding cake" arenas in Mexico,  and from fighting off wacky, unkempt fans in Tennessee, to fighting off death threats in Mexico.

Jericho is a rarity among wrestlers-turned-writers in that his natural humor comes shining through on the written page. His antecdotes often come across so funny, you'd think you're listening to a (Y2J-era) Jericho promo. Although he does have a co-writer here (most celebrity authors do), Jericho comes off as a natural at this.

Unlike the other books reviewed this week, Jericho's story is less about wrestling in Canada (though there's some of that, too) and more about a wrestler who happened to be born in Canada. Really, his is a global journey, each stop giving the future "Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah" a new learning experience.

Even before he sets foot in a WWF ring (the book ends as he's making his Raw debut, setting the stage for a possible sequel down the road), Jericho has colorful stories to tell about some of the industry's biggest names, including Jim Cornette, Bret Hart, Bill Goldberg, Eric Bischoff, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Owen Hart, Vince McMahon, Hulk Hogan, Scott Hall and Paul Heyman. In addition, you have amusing stories about his interactions with slightly-lesser-known names such as Lance Storm, Vampiro, Art Barr, Kimona, Johnny K-9, and yes, even Ralphus.

An interesting note: This book was published shortly after Benoit's controversial passing. Jericho made a point of leaving in the stories about his friendship and admiration for the man when he could have told the publisher to remove them - not many people would have had the courage to do the same. 

Rating: The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be. Passionate, interesting and lots of fun - you really can't go wrong here. The best wrestling biography this side of Mick Foley, which is pretty high praise in my book.

Broken Harts: The Life and Death of Owen Hart

Author: Martha Hart with Eric Francis
Pages: 272
Synopsis: Owen Hart's tragic death, told from his widow's perspective.   

I wasn't going to use my platform as an opportunity to state my plan of action, but I did feel people should be given a prelude of what was to come. I was not going to lie down on this - I would gain some form of restitution for Owen.

"I'm a very forgiving person and I'm not bitter or angry. But there will be a day of reckoning and this is my final promise to Owen," I said, before looking out at the crowd defiantly. "And I won't let him down." 

It's hard to believe it's been 10 years since the passing of one of my favorite all-time wrestlers. I had the pleasure of meeting Owen a handful of times as a member of the "wrestling media", and was thrilled that he (seemed to) remember me the second time we met. Not only that, but I truly believe he was one of the most charismatic and athletically gifted wrestlers of the modern era.

I was at my best friend's wedding (the wedding, that is, not the film of the same name) the evening of May 23, 1999, and thus missed out on watching Owen's final night on earth. When I learned what had happened, I gave up wrestling… for an entire week, at least, until I came to the realization that Vince McMahon and anyone else involved in the company never meant for this to happen.

But that doesn't lessen the pain any for Martha Hart. Thus, Broken Harts is about how she tried to make sure Owen was remembered. In addition to Martha's recollections of Owen and his life leading up to Over The Edge, she also discusses the lawsuit that was launched after Owen's death and how it divided the Hart family.

Is Martha biased? Is she open about her hatred for Vince McMahon, the Harts and the wrestling business as a whole? Absolutely, and I'd be hard-pressed to see how one could ever write a book any differently, under the circumstances. So that's one caveat you need to know going into this -- she does not sugarcoat the world of pro wrestling in the least.  

At the heart of this, though, is an interesting story about a storybook romance that ended in tragedy. It is NOT a "wrestling book" by any stretch, but still quite compelling, particularly for Owen Hart fans.

Rating: Transitional Champion. This is hard for me to rate, really, because it's a different style of "wrestling biography" and damned if it isn't a really somber read. If you're a fan of Owen Hart, this is a great look into the kind of person he was, and how strong his wife was in the face of tragedy. That said, I feel this only has niche appeal.

One silver lining: A portion of the sales benefit the Owen Hart Foundation children's charity that Martha established after his passing.

Dungeon Of Death: Chris Benoit and the Hart Family Curse

Author: Scott Keith
Pages: 224
Synopsis: Looking back at the professional wrestlers we've lost in recent years, punctuated by the 2007 Benoit tragedy.

It was the usual show that night as we all grieved and came to grips with Benoit dying. They had great matches from Benoit, wrestlers talking about what a great guy he was…and then new information started pouring out during the show.

William Regal, who was one of Benoit's best friends and a guy who had his career revived by a match against him, merely noted that Benoit was a great wrestler and didn't add anything about him as a person. Then, abruptly, the tone of the show changed, going from a tribute to Benoit into a remembrance of his matches.

Rumors that had been circulating about Nancy Benoit and their
son Daniel vomiting blood started to change to stuff that was more sinister, and it was hard to come to grips with the ideas being presented by the press during the day. Even during the course of the show, the tone of the other wrestlers changed, as without fail they all noted how "quiet" and "private" he was.

I was chatting with people about Benoit online, people who had been around or in the business for years and had seen everything already, and even they didn't know how to grasp what was being said. Nancy dead by strangulation? Benoit dead by suicide? Benoit the only suspect in the double murder of his wife and son? Suddenly what had been a tragedy was turning into a horror show, and my hero was being rebranded into the modern version of Charles Manson.

Many people online have strong feelings about writer (and Canadian!) Scott Keith... either they love his work or hate it. Personally, I'm a fan, his body of work recapping everything wrestling for more than a decade, usually with a sense of humor and style. Plus, he's written a half-dozen wrestling books, so it's fair to say my opinion is shared by many.

Yet the subject matter here is one I have trouble getting behind. After two years of a certain website doctoring the news to lecture readers on the "culture of death" in professional wrestling, I don't want to hear much more about it. Sure, it may be true.... but reading about yet another tragic death each time you turn the corner takes away from the "fantasy" of watching wrestling. That may not be a popular opinion, but it's how I truly feel.

But here's the rub: not many people followed the career of Benoit as closely as Keith did. I remember thinking the night the tragic news came out, "I wonder how Scott Keith will respond?" -- I'll admit, that's a strange thought to have pop into your head after learning such a high-profile wrestler died.

This book has a pretty definitive biography of Benoit's life and times, what made him so special as a worker and how he became so popular, particularly among internet wrestling fans. Honestly, I've had trouble watching Benoit's matches since then, but reading this has encouraged me to try again (one of my all-time favorites was his Royal Rumble match with Kurt Angle).

The story also recalls the chilling tale of Benoit's final hours on earth, the circus-like aftermath in the media, and it explores the possibility that this death may ultimately be tied to Stampede Wrestling. After all, Benoit, Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith, Brian Pillman and even Bad News Brown left our world far too young, while Dynamite Kid, Bret Hart and others suffered career-threatening injuries. While it's not quite as eerie as the Von Erich tragedies, it definitely makes you think.

Personally.... I don't buy the idea of a curse, per se, but the Stampede lifestyle certainly may have forced unrealistic expectations on these guys.

From there, the book morphs into a look at the staggering number of recent wrestler deaths (I'm sure Marc Mero would love to have this book the next time he makes the talk-show rounds). While who's to blame for that is debatable, the number of living competitors from the early WrestleManias is nothing short of scary. Keith documents this, and it makes for a fascinating study.

Rating: Transitional Champion. Another niche book, packed with great details and biographical information. It's unfortunate this book had to be written in the first place, but I'd rather it come from a Benoit fan than someone who didn't know his work and just wants to rail on the business.

Bret Hitman Hart: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling

Author: Bret Hart
Pages: 553
Synopsis: Bret Hart's life, as remembered through a meticulously-kept audio diary.

Vince praised me for my dedication. Then he said, "I've done everything I could think of, put the Tag belts on you, and the Intercontinental belt, and I finally reached the point where I don't know what else to do with you."

I wondered if this cold-hearted son of a bitch was actually firing me the very same day he was supposed to be flying my dad up to be in my corner! I envisioned trying to explain all this to Stu. The blood going to my heart began to churn thick as mud, when suddenly Vince broke into that goofy grin and said, "So that's why I've decided to put the World belt on you tonight!"

Dead silence. I simply did not grasp what he'd just said.

"Hell, aren't you going to smile or something?" He laughed that famous Vince McMahon yuk-yuk-yuk. I promised him I wouldn't let him down.

You would think three books on the Hart family would be more than enough, especially for one column. But each one is quite different, and this book in particular isn't at all what I expected.

I imagined there would be some details on the beyond-dysfunctional Hart family, a few chapters on Bret's rise to fame, a ton on the Montreal screwjob, and a bit on his crappy WCW run, all wrapped together in the package of bitterness we've come to expect from The Excellence of Execution.

Thankfully, that isn't this book at all.

Bret had the foresight to record his entire career on audio tape (much like the guy who brought you "Complete and Utter Bulldog"), giving the reader an excellent recollection of his life. Instead of "I went here and wrestled this guy", you get the details of what happened backstage, who was injured and the feelings after the match.

Accordingly, this really isn't a light read. At more than 550 pages, you get a healthy amount of detail, and unlike Ric Flair's biography, none of the story feels rushed.

The book also comes across as brutally honest. Bret doesn't hold back on drug use, numerous affairs and the darker side of professional wrestling. Yet, unlike so many of these stories where the wrestler passes the blame on to someone else, The Hitman realizes he's ultimately responsible for his own actions.

This isn't to say that Hart doesn't lash out at anyone over the course of this story. Ric Flair, Kevin Nash, Hulk Hogan, The British Bulldogs, Shawn Michaels, Triple H and others all get theirs, but often not before he points out the positives in these competitors. Michaels, surprisingly, is given a ton of praise for his ability and even his friendship early on.

Then there's Vince McMahon. As much as you'd think this book would be one huge burial of the man, the Montreal screwjob isn't as prominent in the story as one might think. Granted, it's not something you can exactly dance around, given whose book it is, but you truly don't read about how it unfolded until later on in the story. And even then -- he writes about their eventual reconcilliation, which goes beyond what we've seen publicly (eg a picture of them uneasily shaking hands in the WWE studios).

This isn't a book about some guy getting screwed, it's about Bret's relationships with his parents and siblings, his wife and children, his co-workers, that kind of thing. Oh, and quite a few references to Dave Meltzer, too.

One qualm I have is how Bret constantly points out when a wrestler is black, even if that has nothing to do with the antecdote. If it was just a description, that would be one thing, but it seems far too repetitive for just that. Racist much?

Overall rating: The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be. Okay, maybe just a notch below that because it isn't yet one of my absolute favorites, but how can one NOT rank Bret's book this way (lousy stupid Canadian Bulldog Ratings System)? Besides, I wouldn't want to screw the poor guy. The last person who did never heard the end of it.

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