To be fair, most of the books behind these ones are pornography-related.

Every six weeks or so, I'm going to review two or three books from my collection. And just because I like being different than everyone else, here is the patented Canadian Bulldog Ratings System™:

The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be: Self-explanatory. This rating is reserved for my absolute favorites, ones that I could read through over and over again.

Oh Hell Yeah!: While not the top of the line, there's enough good stuff in here to make me want to recommend it.

Transitional Champion: Not an urgent read, by any means. If you're starting up a collection, or if you're a big fan on the subject matter, go for it.

Bowling-Shoe Ugly: More bad than good here. Hey, if you can pick it up for a few dollars at a used bookstore or borrow it off your friend, fine. But you've been warned.

You're FIRRRRRRRRRED!: Why on earth would any publisher approve this crap? What were they thinking? Only valuable if you're the type that likes reading total and complete train-wrecks.

And with that, let's get to this week's portion of Bulldog's Bookshelf™!!!

Pure Dynamite: The Price You Pay For Wrestling Stardom

Author: Tom Billington
Pages: 201
Synopsis: The rise and fall of The Dynamite Kid.  

"I got it from a vet who lived close to my home in Calgary. He told me it was for horses. The label even read `For intra-muscular use with horses only' and there was a picture of a horse on the front. But I didn't care, I was desperate. I was out of my usual stuff and knew I had to take something, so I shot it. I woke up about 2AM freezing cold and sweating at the same time, and feeling terrible. I got up, turned all the heating on, I even turned the burners on over the stove and sat over them just to try and get warm. When I look back to what I did that day, I know it could have killed me. But at the same time, you didn't think about it."

Many of today's wrestling fans may know Dynamite Kid as one half of the legendary British Bulldogs (no relation) tag team, former World Wrestling Federation tag team champions at the company's peak of popularity. Others may liken his career to that of the late Chris Benoit (minus, of course, the tragic ending). But Dynamite's true glory days were in Stampede Wrestling, where he legitimately helped revitalize the Calgary-based promotion. Billington bumped like a madman, fought stiffer than people twice his size, and was a shining example of someone who could tell a story in the ring.

However, his life was pretty seedy at times. Billington is quite candid with his tales of drugs and physical abuse, and how it literally destroyed his body and his life. For those of you who don't know, he's been confined to a wheelchair for years and is more or less destitute.   He was last seen during the CNN post-Benoit documentary and, to be blunt, he looked terrible.

Reading this book, it's evident that Billington lived hard, wrestled hard, and had a mean streak a mile long. His real-life feuds with Bruce Hart, the Rougeau Brothers and even his own cousin Davey Boy Smith become scary at points. Yet he makes no apologies for his actions. If someone pisses him off, in or out of the ring, they got beaten to a bloody pulp.

Even his ribs were violent in nature, putting him constantly at odds with Vince McMahon during his WWF stint in the mid-1980's. Ed Leslie (a/k/a Brutus Beefcake, so long as WWE's lawyers aren't reading this) was about to get pummeled in a steel cage match as "payback" for not signing a friend's autograph book, but one night before that.. Billington was paralyzed at a house show in Hamilton, Ontario.

To be sure, there are faults in this book. Billington blurs the line between kayfabe and reality far too much for my liking. He claims to have changed finishes mid-match, while other matches turned into "shoots". I'm not sure I really believe that. Plus, Dynamite likes almost no one in the industry, save for Dan Spivey, the guy who almost drugged him to death at one point. Strange.

But besides the factual question marks, this book is entertaining and gritty. Billington's real-life heel character is more compelling than anything WWE could create today, and watching his story play out is fascinating in a "watching a car crash" kind of way. 

Rating: Oh Hell Yeah! This was one of the first wrestling books I ever picked up, and I still skim through it from time to time. Worth tracking down.

Batista Unleashed

Authors: Dave Batista and Jeremy Roberts
Pages: 309 (Hardcover)  
Synopsis: Batista's surprisingly quick rise to fame in WWE.

"I don't pretend to be a deep thinker. I don't talk that much. When I do, I say what I honestly feel, and I say it plainly, in just a few words. That's rare today, maybe - enough to have gotten me in trouble at different times - but that's not a reason to write a book."

Well, he's at least got that part right.

Full disclosure: I am not a big Batista fan. Definitely was when he turned on Triple H and captured his first World Heavyweight Title. But since then, he's come across - both in the ring and out of it - as a major complainer. The differences between him and, say, John Cena are astounding in that respect. Silly vignettes aside, Cena comes across as an ultra-hard worker, gets crapped on by the fans, and never says a bad word about it.

The other thing, before we even delve into the book. I'm not a fan of books written "with" a legitimate author. It's not unique to the wrestling world, I realize, and I know 9 out of 10 wrestlers choose this method. But I do believe there's a huge difference between talking into a tape recorder and actually going through the physical writing process, watching an editor destroy your initial draft(s) and building on those criticisms to produce a better overall story.

Now then.... The Animal hasn't had an easy life. He grew up in an exceptionally dangerous part of Washington, DC, living in poverty, with only a mother to raise him. He fought from an early age and ended up in various group homes. He had several unsuccessful relationships, slept around, and had to watch his ex-wife go through cancer treatment. He had two daughters at an early age, and is now a grandfather. Think about that for a second: one of the business's biggest current stars is also known as gramps!

So the guy has had a tough life - I get that - but the constant complaining gets old real fast. This isn't a shoot interview, it's supposed to be a life story. You'd think with everything he'd accomplished, he'd be able to take the disappointment of having his role in the television show Smallville watered down in stride.

Much like his in-ring character, Batista is quick to badmouth certain people, ranging from Sarge DeWayne Bruce (trainer at WCW's Power Plant) to Hurricane Helms to Mark Henry. That said... he does defend Triple H, Ric Flair, Finlay and even the late Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero, so it's not like he condemns everyone.

One semi-interesting feature is how he starts each chapter off with a page or two about his current road travels. There's nothing spectacular in there, but it does give you a window into the life of what professional wrestlers go through.

Still, I can't say I learned a whole lot of new information by reading this. I found out a bit more about Dave Batista, but nothing that I really cared about.

Rating: Bowling-shoe ugly. If you're a fan of Batista's work, you may get more out of this than I did. But I still maintain this is one story that didn't really need to be told.

Sex, Lies and Headlocks: The Real Story Of Vince McMahon and World Wrestling Entertainment

Authors: Shaun Assael and Mike Mooneyham
Pages: 272
Synopsis: The story of a young Vince McMahon taking over his father's wrestling company and then… well, you know how that turned out.   

"The studio chief told himself to be patient. He had a deal worth more than $100 million on the table. Surely he had the right to demand that the WWF produce its programming exclusively for Viacom. But McMahon, the Hollywood outsider, didn't see it that way. No matter how much he was getting, he still bristled at the idea of being tied down. McCluggage tried to read into what was happening. Had he misjudged Vince's willingness to follow these talks all the way through? No, he couldn't have. They'd be fools to walk away from this; it was what their whole lives had been building toward. Surely all Vince needed was a little hand-holding before. So that's what he did. He told Vince that this was going to be the best thing he'd ever done, but he had to trust his new partners. And as far as they were concerned, exclusivity was a deal-breaker. After a flurry of phone calls, Vince finally agreed. The McMahons of Havelock, North Carolina, would be Hollywood outsiders no longer."

One of my absolute favorite books about the entertainment industry (non-wrestling division) is "The Late Shift" by Bill Carter. It's about how David Letterman lobbied for Johnny Carson's job and the decisions he had to make when he lost the role to Jay Leno. The similarities between "Late Shift" and "Sex, Lies and Headlocks" are incredible.  

Assael, a writer for ESPN, and Mooneyham, a longtime newspaper wrestling columnist, have compiled arguably the most complete biography of Vince McMahon out there. And the authors talk to a variety of wrestling personalities to get the non-WWE version of history.  

What I find fascinating is the level of description here. You can visualize, for example, Stu Hart, from the way the authors describe his "stoop and butcher's handshake", or the awkward early meetings between Vince McMahon Sr. and his estranged son. Reading this, you can really envision a lot of the conversations, negotiations and battles that took place.  

Simply because this is the story of Vince McMahon's life, it really does give you a flavor of what's happened in wrestling for the past 50 years. We're talking everything from Vinnie Mac's humble beginnings in a trailer park to the regional wrestling promotions; from the AWA to the NWA; from Hulkamania to WrestleMania; from the steroid trial to the sexual abuse allegations; from WCW to the Monday Night Wars; from the WBF to the XFL … essentially everything up until late 2000.

This book does not paint Vince McMahon as scum of the earth, nor does it make him out to be an angel. It's a fairly balanced story. Yet I don't believe the authors ever contacted someone from WWE to get their side of the story.    

Now, I'm not stupid: I realize that Vince McMahon would have never made a public comment on this, and even the company's paid spokespeople wouldn't likely have. But at least that way, he could have written: "Hey, I tried to contact WWE, but they never bothered returning my call. They didn't want to tell their side of the story."  

By the way, "The Late Shift" ends with Letterman leaving his comfort zone at NBC and jumping ship to the Viacom-owned CBS. "Sex, Lies and Headlocks" ends with Vince and Linda McMahon leaving their comfort zone at the USA Network (which is now owned by NBC Universal) and jumping ship to the Viacom-owned TNN. Interesting, huh? Of course, Letterman didn't jump to back NBC after five years, but it still makes for a neat coincidence.

Rating: The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be. A very well-written resource that could educate virtually anyone on Vince McMahon and his impact on the wrestling industry. And like "The Late Shift", it shows how talent, hard work and pushing the envelope can pay off.