| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com Canadian Bulldog
By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News (New York, NY) - The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission is investigating World Wrestling Entertainment superstar John Bradshaw Layfield over allegations of illegal insider trading and strangling Wall Street traders. Layfield, a former WWE Champion and financial commentator, was accused of selling a large block of WWE stock right before the company launched its ill-fated Raw Comix division, a move that eroded profits considerably. In addition, he bought shares on the open market immediately before floating a rumor that competitor TNA Wrestling was about to stage a pay-per-view event inside of a theme park . (Continuity, thy name is Bulldog.) When confronted by a group of blue-chip stock pickers and investment advisers over his alleged offenses, Layfield grabbed several of them by the throat with his trusty bullrope (Miss Betsy) and dragged them around the trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange until they passed out. According to rules around Insider Trading (Section 7.1) contained within the SEC rulebook, Bradshaw would be considered a "WWE insider" by virtue of the fact that he was "the longest-reigning champion in SmackDown history." Thus, he may have violated SEC rules. "We are sending a message that Mr. Layfield cannot get away with buying and selling securities based on information that is unavailable to the public," SEC Chairman Christopher Cox said in a prepared statement. "Also, the choking." Strangling (Section 21.2) may be a tougher rule to enforce, given that few executives or traders have engaged in the practice over the years. The SEC once tried to prosecute Repo Man (YES!) for a similar penalty, but had to drop the charges once they realized he wasn't a licensed stock trader. Layfield was less than thrilled with the investigation. "This is a bunch of crap, and you know it, Mi-chael!" JBL told World Wrestling Insanity News, even though our name clearly isn't Michael. "I am a stock-picking (dramatic pause) god, and I do not deserve this kind of treatment!" According to lawyers, insider trading/strangling carries a maximum penalty of six months trapped in a locker room shower with young wrestlers. "That's tough but fair," JBL admitted. -30- Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more information. © Copyright by WorldWrestlingInsanity.com WorldWrestlingInsanity.com is not
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