So here's the deal, marks: Between work responsibilities, commitments over the holiday season, and general frustration over the fact that Aaron Stupid Wood and The Big Rybowski have taken over my ClubWWI.com audio show... I haven't had lots of time for new material here on the Insanity.
However, nothing was going to stop me from doing my annual year-in-review, beginning this week and concluding next week. One small difference - instead of displaying pictures from the "Aaron Wood Calendar" as I have over the past years (because, let's be honest - who the hell wants to look at that?), I'll instead include images from my:
So buckle up, kids, and get ready for.... The True Wrestling Story of 2010 (Part One).
My TiVo must have been stuck in 1997 mode, as World Wrestling Entertainment featured Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon, while Total Nonstop Action featured Hulk Hogan, Sting, Eric Bischoff, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and Sean Waltman.
WWE's Monday Night Raw and TNA's Impact go head to head for the first time ever (EVER!!!), but it wouldn't be the last time this happens. It would be, like, the third-last time.
Bret and Shawn patch up their differences over some sort of disagreement they had about 15 years earlier (anyone remember what started it?). But let's not lose focus on the important news to come out of this night: McMahon kicking Bret in the balls.
TNA, looking to provide viewers with a true alternative to WWE, hires Orlando Jordan, Val Venis, Ric Flair, Jeff Hardy and The Nasty Boys.
ECW on SyFy hosted a "Homecoming" event, featuring The Franchise Shane Douglas, Raven, The Dudley Boys, Justin Credible, The Rookie Monster Rhino, Terry Funk, Joel Gertner, King of Old School Steve Corino and The Sandman. By which I mean Ezekiel Jackson, Zack Ryder, Evan Bourne, Vance Archer, Tiffany and Christian.
Edge wins the Royal Rumble, sporting the "Shawn Michaels homeless" look.
Awesome Kong knocks out Bubba The Love Sponge backstage after callous remarks the shock jock made about Haiti. TNA capitalizes on the controversy by promoting Kong as this generation's Stone Cold Steve Austin. Whoops, sorry; my mistake - they fire her two months later.
There goes the money: Shane McMahon officially leaves Titan Tower on January 1st, secretly embarassed by the shame that buying WCW brought to his family.
Former WWE competitor Ludvig Borga dies following a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Hey, comrade - I guess Americans weren't actually the weak ones after all?
WWE wishes Tommy Dreamer, DJ Gabriel and Eric Escobar the best in their future endeavors. I think I speak for everyone when I say, who the f*ck is "DJ Gabriel"?
WWE ends its controversial ECW experiment after nearly four years. Hopefully everyone's got that out of their system and won't try to bring ECW back again; certainly not this year, at the very least. That would be ridiculous.
"The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels uses his backstage clout to hide under the ring and cost The Undertaker the World Title.
TNA, looking to provide viewers with a true alternative to WWE, pits Eric Bischoff and Mick Foley against each other as feuding authority figures.
John Cena regains the WWE Title at Elimination Chamber, then loses it about eight seconds later to Batista. You'd think Cena would have known better, having had pretty much the EXACT SAME THING happen to him four years earlier!
WWE wishes Maria, The Hurricane and Paul Burchill the best in their future endeavors. They also fire Charlie Haas, but don't wish him shit.
Iconic NWA Champion and WWE Hall of Famer Jack Brisco dies at the age of 68. Gerald Brisco immediately changes the name of the Brisco Brothers Body Shop to avoid lawsuits.
Bret Hart is injured in a car accident backstage, proving my theory correct that no one in the world wants to see Canadians drive.
NXT (original title: EXT) debuts on SyFy, giving the WWE Universe its first look at a bunch of guys that will probably never make it to the main roster.
The stable known as Legacy comes to a grinding halt, with lead member Randy Orton feuding with Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes. See, I'll bet this is why Manu and Sim Snuka left the group when the getting was good - they knew this would eventually happen.
The Pope D'Angelo Dinero is crowned winner of the 8 Card Stud Tournament. I'm sure that will end up meaning a ton for his career.
TNA, looking to provide viewers with a true alternative to WWE, begins airing its flagship program on Monday nights.
Shawn Michaels calls it a career by doing what he was known for throughout his entire career: a clean job. Not only was The Heartbreak Kid WWE's first-ever Grand Slam Champion, but he was also the subject of my very first True Wrestling Story. Thanks for the memories, HBK; see you again when you become a born-again drug addict.
Also at WrestleMania 26, Bret Hart finally gets his revenge on Vince McMahon. And by revenge, I mean "barely punching him for about 20 minutes while his haggard-looking family looks on".
Hulk Hogan gives The Monster Abyss his WWE Hall of Fame ring. How dare The Hulkster sully the prestige of an honor that's only been given out to a precious few, such as Koko B. Ware, Pete Rose and Vince McMahon Sr.'s Limo Driver!
NXT rookie Daniel Bryan (real name: Daniel Bryanson) is constantly berated by announcer Michael Cole. Hopefully this is just a passing thing.
Kevin Nash turns on Eric Young to reveal that he was aligned with Scott Hall and Sean Waltman all along. Yeah, I'm shocked, too.
Macho Dad Angelo Poffo dies at the age of 85. And the curse of the WCW Hall of Fame lives on!
Destination X, TNA's all X-Division PPV, includes performances by Rob Terry, Scott Hall, Kurt Angle and Abyss.
Senatorial candidate Linda McMahon releases her "jobs plan" for Connecticut. Only later do her opponents realize the plan is actually about teaching preliminary wrestlers how to lose.
Hey, I just realized something - WWE didn't fire anyone during the month of March! Perhaps business really is starting to turn around?
WWE wishes Lance Cade, Mickie James, Shelton Benjamin, Katie Lea Burchill, Slam Master J, Mike Knox, Tony Atlas and Kung Fu Naki the best in their future endeavors.
While those departures are sad and everything, WWE obviously had to clear some room on its payroll for Motherf*cking Virgil! Virgil, last seen (by me), trying to sell me an autographed photo at a WrestleMania party in Toronto one month earlier, went from managing Million Dollar Champion Ted DiBiase in the 1980's, to .... well.....
Former WWE and WCW competitor (not to mention Alliance MVP) Chris Kanyon dies at the age of 40. Notice I'm classy enough not to use the "Who Deader Than Kanyon?" line - that's something you'd probably see from the likes of Aaron Wood.
Jack Swagger cashes in his Money In The Bank title opportunity and wins the World Championship from ChrisJericho. He also wins the title of "Least Relevant World Champion Since Stan Stasiak In 1970-Something".
TNA, looking to provide viewers with a true alternative to WWE, has Ric Flair face Abyss in a contest in which two WWE Hall of Fame rings are on the line.
Rob Van Dam (real name: Robert Van Dam) realizes his boyhood dream of winning the TNA "World" Championship and surrendering it three months later after the company had gone over his maximum number of appearances.
Dave Batista quits WWE after they reportedly give a movie role he was promised to Triple H. Um, has Batista ever seen any of the WWE Films before? They were actually doing him a favor!
WWE wishes Carlito the best in his future endeavors. Although they do so by spitting bits of apple in his face. That's not cool.
TNA, looking to provide viewers with a true alternative to WWE, moves Impact back to Thursday nights.
The Hart Dynasty lives up the legacy of its predecessors The Hart Foundation and The British Bulldogs (no relation) by winning the WWE Unified Tag Team Titles. The only difference - when the Harts and Bulldogs won their straps, there were ACTUALLY OTHER TAG TEAMS TO COMPETE AGAINST!
Rey Mysterio shaves CM Punk bald. Punk would have done the same thing to Rey, but the razor kept getting pieces of mask caught in it.
Daniel Bryan is cut from NXT. Fans everywhere begin bitching about how they knew WWE wouldn't use him properly.
NXT Season One rookies Wade Barrett, David Otunga, Daniel Bryan, Skip Sheffield, Darren Young, Justin Gabriel, Michael Tarver and Heath Slater show up unexpectedly on Raw and beat up John Cena. Hopefully this is the last we see of this storyline.
WWE wishes Daniel Bryanthe best in his future endeavors, ruining a potential Bryan/Justin Roberts program.
TNA, looking to provide viewers with a true alternative to WWE, hires Tommy Dreamer and begins an ECW Reunion storyline.
Both WWE Champion Cena and World Champion Jack Swagger lose their respective championships at the Fatal 4-Way pay-per-view. Both are overshadowed by the fact that Alicia Fox wins her first (and hopefully not last) Divas Championship.
Jeff Hardy and Ken Anderson begin teaming as The Enigmatic Assholes. No one is sure which is which.
The Undertaker is beaten up over the Memorial Day weekend and pronounced dead. Well, pronounced "in a vegetative state". His condition is later upgraded to "just fine". Kane vows to find the real killers.
May I have your attention please? An anonymous General Manager takes over the reigns of Monday Night Raw via computer, earning the respect and praise of WWI Superstar Matt Dawgs.
Column of the month: Learn Monsoon In One Easy Lesson.And that's just the first half of the year! Tune in next week, same Bulldog Time, same Bulldog Channel, to see what happened in the second half of 2010!