Canadian Bulldog
Canadian Bulldog's True Wrestling Stories: 2011 (Part One)
By Canadian Bulldog
Dec 20, 2011 - 1:17 PM

Previous "True Wrestling Stories":

HAPPY FREAKING HOLIDAYS!!!

Apologies first: The Notorious D.O.G. has been M.I.A. from W.W.I. for the last little while due to another commitment, the details of which I can't really share here. Suffice it to say, it had absolutely nothing to do at all with an alleged assasination attempt on Kim Jong Il.

That out of the way, I have come out of hibernation to do my annual year-in-review column that will be divided into two parts. And is tradition, I've included some preview pages from the brand new:

So enjoy this, the True Wrestling Story of 2011 (Part One). Or as they say in North Korea, 최고의   소원 이   휴가   시즌

January 

• Huge Douche Canoe Matt Hardy joins TNA Wrestling, which is definitely the shot in the arm the plucky promotion needs to compete with WWE.
• Santino Marella wins the first-ever 40-man Royal Rumble, unless something else happened in the last minute or so of the event (I wasn't really watching).
• Former Olympic Hero Kurt Angle begins a feud with MMA Superstar Jeff Jarrett over his ex-wife Karen Angle. This should be wrapped up in no time at all.
• The Big Rybowski and Aaron Wood conspire to destroy Canadian Bulldog by taking away his insanely-popular podcast Complete and Utter Bulldog. This, also, should hopefully be resolved in a speedy manner.
• Something probably happened in Ring of Honor.
• Kevin Nash and Booker T return as The Main Event Mafia makes its presence felt. In, uh, WWE.
• Dashing Cody Rhodes is kicked in the face with Rey Mysterio's knee brace, proving the time-honored theory that protective facemasks = money.
• Team 3D explodes, as Brother Ray and Brother Devon begin to feud, only eight years after such a development would have possibly been interesting.
• Column of the month: 10 Really Stupid Things About The Royal Rumble

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  February

  • A viral video campaign hints at a WrestleMania encounter between The Undertaker and Sting. Could that PWI Superstar Dream Match finally be coming a reality?
  • Finally, The Rock.... has come back.... for a handful of episodes over the next year.
  • "They" are coming to TNA - yes, again - which is definitely the shot in the arm the plucky promotion needs to compete with WWE.
  • Canadian Bulldog forms the insanity World order to counter Big Wood. The first two iWo recruits are WWI superstars The Maverick Mike Johns and Jason Winterz.
  • The Corre wins the WWE Tag Team Championships. Their potential is limitless now.
  • Jeff Jarrett defeats Kurt Angle in a match where, as per the stipulation, Angle has to give away his ex-wife at her upcoming wedding. Had Angle won, he would have received sole custody of Dominic Mysterio.
  • Teddy Long strips Edge of the World Heavyweight Championship and temporarily awards it to Dolph Ziggler, making him only the third champion in WWE history with the first name "Dolph".
  • Jerry "The King" Lawler's championship aspirations are quashed when Michael Cole interferes in his WWE Championship match against The Miz. Because otherwise, he definitely would have won the strap.
  • Something probably happened in Ring of Honor.
  • Zack Ryder starts a series of YouTube podcasts. Yeah, like that's going to get him over...
  • Column of the month: Ric Flair's Bank Book

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    March

    • 3.3.11 clearly means two very different things for two very different promotions. In WWE, it means the long-awaited returns of Triple H and The Undertaker. In TNA, it means pushing Sting because of an internet rumor, which is definitely the shot in the arm the plucky promotion needs to compete with WWE.
    • Speaking of The Stinger, he battles Jeff Hardy in what must be considered a match of the year candidate, provided no other matches take place before or after it in 2011.
    • Speaking of The Anti-Christ of Professional Wrestling, Hardy is suspended following his "performance" at the Victory Road pay-per-view. Apparently being somewhat conscious during your match is now a prerequisite for being in a PPV main event; who knew?
    • In a moment that would have made Verne Gagne cringe had he still been alive today, the term "Fruity Pebbles" makes its way into the North American wrestling lexicon.
    • Something probably happened in Ring of Honor.
    • Legendary manager Sir Oliver Humperdink passes away, leaving the wrestling world still wondering why Bam Bam Bigelow picked him when he could have Slick or Bobby Heenan instead.
    • NXT Redemption debuts, promising to create a new superstar at some point in the next friggin' decade.
    • Stone Cold Steve Austin and John Bradshaw Layfield make their returns to Raw.... to, um, put over the Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole feud.
    • Hulk Hogan makes a rare error in judgment when he publicly compares his Immortal faction to the recent tsunami in Japan. In fairness to the Hulkster, both were unmitigated disasters.
    • Speaking of our the inspiration behind our 2012 calendar, Hogan is called out on Twitter by Bret "Hitman" Hart, who writes "That's not what John Graziano thinks, dickhead!" Hogan counters with "I know you are, but what am I? Times infinity."
    • Brian Kendrick supplements his TNA income by appearing on The Price Is Right. In a related story, Eric Young quits the promotion to become an audience member for a Jumbo Juicer infomercial (sadly, the second half of this paragraph isn't true. But perhaps even sadder is that the first half is).
    • Sin Cara debuts in WWE. Big things are promised for the youngster so long as he doesn't appear on a T-shirt with his Mistico hanging out.
    • Column of the month: WrestleMania's 10 Biggest Losers

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      April