World Wrestling Insanity: Canadian Bulldog's True Wrestling Stories: James Guttman

Canadian Bulldog's True Wrestling Stories: James Guttman

By Canadian Bulldog
Feb 19, 2008 - 11:25 AM

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Now... I know what you're all thinking: who?

Ha ha - just kidding. You all know who James Guttman is, but most of you stupid marks probably think that he's just the guy who runs a certain website. Some of you may also know him from his hard-hitting Radio Free Insanity interviews. And bonus points if you remembered that he wrote a best-selling book.

But that's only part of the story.

JG's roots extend far beyond his little website-running business (in reality, a money-laundering front more than anything else). For example, I bet most of you have never even seen him wrestle before, right? Well, to borrow from a phrase that JG once coined: "Now... we go to school! Wooooooo!"

And just to show how big a deal "The Hulk Hogan Of Long Island" is, we've caught up with several past Club WWI guests, who discuss the man in their own, and not at all doctored, words.

And now... for the thousands in attendance and the millions reading at home (another one of his old catchphrases).... leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet's get ready... for The True Wrestling Story Of James Guttman.

Chapter One

You can tell it's an old photo because it's all black and white and scratchy.

To understand the full story of James Tiberius Guttman, one must go back to December 8, 1967. Which is odd because he was born more than a decade later. But still... that's when the Czechoslavakian immigrant came to America in search of his first professional wrestling match.

Encouraged by his Crazy Uncle Ralph, James started out by working independent wrestling shows in the Northeast (at the time, known as "wrestling shows in the Northeast"). It was there he learned valuable industry lessons, such as travelling for several hours to receive very little, if any, money.

Because every wrestler's character up until 1980 was some kind of racist stereotype, Guttman competed as "The Czech Crusher" Jakub Sterbak, even giving up a part-time job as a folk singer to follow his dream in the squared circle.

"We knew that we were looking at the next big name in the business," said Club WWI guest Bruno Sammartino. "He has a great clothesliner, doggone it!"

Chapter Two

"Ladies and gentlemen.... The Amazing Afros!"

Guttman/Sterbak was wrestling in a different ring each day, twice on Sundays, and sometimes, competing at the same time in three different rings simultaneously. It was a little strange.

Still, promoters around the world climbed over themselves (not literally) to book him, mainly because they never had to pay him anything.

A 1972 tour of Canada proved especially fruitful, when he teamed with Andre The Giant for several shows and as result was dubbed the (first) "Ninth Wonder Of The World". It was also where he first met up with a young Canuck who competed under the moniker ZAH (real name: Seth Chesnoff Jr.).

But soon, it was time for JG to escape the freezing Canadian cold and try his luck south of the border.

"We knew that we were looking at the next big name in the business," said Club WWI guest Dory Funk Jr. "It was time for JG to escape the freezing Canadian cold and try his luck south of the border."

Chapter Three

And you thought I was just making this up....

Guttman dropped his Czech Crusher moniker in favor of his real name (and also so the above poster would be funnier), and adopted a phony Long Island accent when he returned to the U.S.

He quickly became a top regional star, working in the National Wrestling Alliance's Mideastern West Northsouth territory, generally seen as a steppingstone to the Atlantic South Mideast region. Things were going well for Guttman, until near-tragedy struck.

Guttman's career nearly ended when he was in a serious plane crash in Wilmington, North Carolina on October 4, 1975, along with Ric Flair, Johnny Valentine, Mr.Wrestling Tim Woods, Bob Bruggers, David Crockett, Richie Valens, Buddy Holly and The Big Bopper.

When it was later determined that Guttman himself caused the plane crash, all records of his involvement were destroyed by NWA officials. While convalescing in the hospital, JG befriended former U.S. Champion Mike Rickard II, who wasn't even "old school" back then.

After he made a full recovery and was stiffed on his payout by Jim Crockett Promotions, Guttman moved to the old WWWWWF (motto: "Get the WWW out") territory, where his legend would continue to build.

"We knew that we were looking at the next big name in the business," said Club WWI guest Harley Race. "I really wish I had a cool catchphase to end this f*cking sentence with."

Chapter Four

"Whatcha gonna do, when Guttmania runs wild on you?"

Right from the beginning, James didn't fit in with the McMahon family, a trait that would later become kind of his "thing".

Perhaps it was because he lacked the charisma of Masked Superstar, or the technical expertise of Afa, or even the household-namedness of Spiros Arion, but James' first tour of duty of the world's largest wrestling company was mainly a dud. He did manage to befriend one wrestler during this time, the hated jobber "Double A" Aaron Wood. Whom I hear is a kind of a jerk in real life.

For weeks leading up the inaugral WrestleMania, JG petitioned to be part of the event as the guy who defeated Mr. X, and for a while, the matchup was even signed. But he was replaced when it was discovered the day before that he'd suffered a freak "groin" injury (in unrelated news, Pat Patterson was heard laughing about it backstage stage the entire night.)

"Patterson injuring his... I mean, someone injuring his groin left a spot for me to compete at WrestleMania 1," said Club WWI guest Tito Santana. "We knew that we were looking at the next big name in the business. Arriba!"

Chapter Five

Talking shop on Piper's Pit.

Because every wrestler's character up in the early-80's WWF was some kind of cartoony persona, James was soon repackaged as "Jumpin' James", the old acrobat gimmick that was later used by such luminaries as... well, no one.

Still, Vince McMahon, by now the WWF's head honcho, invested a lot of money into the character's development. There were Jumpin' James tee-shirts, posters, action figures and even a Jumpin' James WWF Ice Cream Bar!

If you look closely, you can even see his likeness on a episode of Hulk Hogan's Rock n Wrestling. It was the one where Captain Lou Albano eats a lot of food and Mean Gene Okerlund makes an ass of himself. Perhaps you've seen it?

It was around this chapter in his life (five), where James bumped into Federette Mallory Mahling. The two embarked on a friendship (and if you believe the dirtsheets, something more than a friendship) that continues on to this day. But JG knew that his WWF tenure was killing him, and that he had to move on.

"Oh, he definitely had to get away from all these ham-and-eggers and humanoids," said Club WWI guest Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. "We knew that we were looking at the next big name in the business."

Chapter Six

One of these things doesn't belong...

Guttman's departure from the WWF was one of legend. He left the company in May 1987 after failing a "wellness" program test. Which is odd because said program wasn't even implemented until decades later. Still, after testing positive for 'roids (and, for some reason, Flinstones Chewable Vitamins), JG was sent packing. They wished him the best in his future endeavors.

In return, Guttman decided to sue Titan Sports over using his likeness in the sale of videotapes. This would explain why, if you've ever seen any WWE footage, he doesn't show up on it at all. It's almost as though... the whole thing never happened. Hmmm....

Guttman used his downtime wisely, teaming in Japan with The Legion Of Doom under the name Road Warrior Gazelle. He then travelled to World Class Championship Wrestling, killed a few Von Erich boys (it was customary for newcomers to the territory to murder at least one if they were staying beyond a year), and befriended WCCW Champion Matt Dawgs.

"We knew that we were looking at the next big name in the business," said Club WWI guest Kamala. "Uh... I mean, AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Chapter Seven

Double tough, with double gold.

In mid-1994, World Championship Wrestling was looking to build its struggling franchise, and didn't want to pay a lot of money. Enter James Guttman.

JG had an eventful three-year stint with the Atlanta-based company, including the following highlights:

Won the famed WCW U.S. Light Heavyweight Television Tag Team Championship from Z-Man
Feuded with "Pitbull" Sgt. Craig Pittman on WCW Saturday Night
Was briefly a Face of Fear
Defeated Ric Flair
Befriended Dan Crocker -- whoever the hell that is
Joined and quit the nWo a total of seven times

Still, backstage politics ruined it for Guttman, who quit WCW in June 1997 by just leaving and letting his contract run out -- the way most people did it at the time.

"Vince McMahon always said that Eric Bischoff wouldn't know what to do with a James Guttman," said Club WWI guest Eric Bischoff. "Wait a sec... I'M Eric Bischoff! I'm only required to make myself look bad in WWE projects. Has someone done the whole 'next big name in the business' shpiel yet?"

Chapter Eight

Guttman 3:16 says I just thanked ya for sharin' in our damn Insanity!

The hottest free agent in the business, Guttman showed up on the July 5, 1997 edition (or whenever the Monday was that week) of Monday Night Raw. In his first appearance, he attacked Vince McMahon, something JG would never do in real life.

He also enjoyed an unprecedented 676 reigns with the WWF Hardcore Title, mostly in victories over Crash Holly. But because they didn't take place on television, they were never acknowledged. It was here he became friends with the outspoken James E. Couture.

The "Guttman 3:16" tee-shirts became top sellers (whoops -- how did that slip in there?), but the writers wanted to push increasingly sexual storylines on the now sixty-something year old, and he quit as a result.

"He had to get hip to the reality that thiz induztry waz changing," said Club WWI guest Vince Russo. "I knew right freaking there that we were... I mean, I waz, looking at the next big name in the buzinezz."

Chapter Nine

Oh look -- Kurt Angle is involved in a major TNA storyline!

For the next several years, Guttman bounced around in several money-mark promotions (unfortunately, the marks didn't have much money for him) until he landed in a top spot with Total Nonstop Action wrestling in January 2004.

JG hated the TNA environment, mainly because of the confusing storylines, failed pushes and nonsensical booking. In other words, the exact same reasons all of us do.

After befriending X Division standouts Fritz Stephey, Mike Da Silva, Adam Barnowski, Dr. Tom Pritchard, Saad Naaem, Célian Varini, Derek Burgan, The Guy Who Cried At The NWA Convention and anyone else who I'm forgetting here, Guttman gave his notice to the folks at TNA, killed another Von Erich kid (by now it was kind of a habit) and hung up his boots for good.

"We knew that we were looking at the next big name in the business," said Club WWI guest Kevin Nash. "Or, I suppose, that's what I would be saying if he had just started his career."

It was the end for James Guttman. OR WAS IT?.....

Chapter Ten

Admit one.

...it was. At least, in a active wrestling capacity it was.

On September 27, 2005 (or whenever it was he debuted the site), Guttman debuted World Wrestling Insanity, and would soon follow with the namesake book and Club WWI members-only site.

I don't have to tell you about the site and all the good it's done this business more than two years later; all you have to do is read the pages here and check it out for yourself. And he never forgot the friends he met along the way, offering them high-paying jobs at the site. Well, high-paying compared to what he earned as a wrestler, I suppose.

But bringing everyone back together was a spectacular thing. It was kind of like The Muppet Movie, only less realistic.

Hell, he even took a chance on some jerk named Canadian Bulldog (real name: Dave Meltzer). But that's a True Wrestling Story for another day. Be well...

For True Wrestling Stories, I'm Canadian Bulldog.

Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more information.