Where were you 25 years ago today?

I know, I know; some of you stupid marks hadn't even been BORN 25 years ago. How depressing is that?

But to put this all in perspective, World Wrestling Insanity Chief Executive Officer James J. Guttman was just a kid at the time, poking fun at a school-aged Paul Levesque. ZAH was living large in his early-to-mid 30's. And Aaron Wood was just a baby -- a really, really awful baby.

As for me? I was in the sixth grade, and I remember hearing about how some of my classmates would be watching the first WrestleMania that evening on an oversized movie screen in the middle of Toronto's Maple Leaf Gardens. 

Following that night, I vowed to become a wrestling fan - at least for the next quarter-century. And what better way to do that than by continuing to commemorate "the granddaddy of 'em all" and making fun of it at the same time?

This is a two-part TWS. Click here first for Part One (or you're REALLY going to be lost this week). And once you're all caught up, read on to learn all about The True Wrestling Story Of WrestleMania (Part Two).

Backstory: In the spring of 1997, Vince McMahon's World Wrestling Federation (motto: "Hulk Who?") was at a crossroads. Fans were turning away from the company in droves and tuning into rival World Championship Wrestling (motto: "The world's best.... sorry, folks; we're out of time!").

For many years, the WWF's product had been jam-packed with silly, cartoonish characters, such as wrestling plumber T.L. Hopper, wrestling dentist Isaac Yankem, and wrestling mortician The Undertaker. They began slowly shifting to more realistic characters such as the wrestling psychotic Sycho Sid, wrestling hillbillies The Godwinns and wrestling mortician The Undertaker.

Was the World Wrestling Federation beginning to turn a corner, or was it too late to make changes?

In a word -  yes. 

Main Event: WWF World Champion Sycho Sid versus The Undertaker. How crappy is that? I'm sorry, is this WrestleMania or In Your House?

Oh, You Didn't Know?:  Although he competed at WrestleMania 13 as The Sultan, the man behind the ridiculous costume later became known as Rikishi Phatu (And Your Mother Too). And his opponent, then-Intercontinental Champion Rocky Maivia, later gained fame as - you guessed it -  Siva Afi.

Overheard: "Oops. It appears as though I found my smile after all. It was right here under their commentary desk... where I think I'll sit for the main event and NOT drop the belt to Bret. AHAHAHAHAHAHA - losers!" - Shawn Michaels.

Celebrity Lineup: Special referee and UFC legend Ken Shamrock, who hadn't already signed a contract to become a wrestler beforehand. No sir.

WrestleMania XIV: Two Convicts And A Guy In Chaps

Backstory: Never before Mike Tyson had a professional boxer "crossed over" into the wacky world of professional wrestling.

Unless you count Muhammad Ali. But he was kind of punchy by that point in his career, so he hardly counts.

Or, I suppose, James "Buster" Douglas. He made a hell of a special referee back in the day, drinking milk with the Hulkster and everything.

Okay, fine - Leon Spinks and Chuck Wepner stepped into the squared circle, too.

Also Butterbean, Evander Holyfield and Floyd "Money" Mayweather. But their wrestling stints came much later on.....

Still..... Mike Tyson. Not too shabby!

Main Event:  WWF World Champion Shawn "Likely Stoned" Michaels versus Steve "Likely Drunk" Austin, with Mike "Possibly Both" Tyson as special referee.

Oh, You Didn't Know?: To determine the company's best tag team, WWF held a 15-team battle royale. Then they invited Recon and Sniper, Bradshaw and Chainz, and Flash Funk and Steve Blackman to compete in it for some reason. 

Overheard: "That there was probably the finest dumpster match I've ever seen!" - Random Fans.

Celebrity Lineup: Just Iron Mike (and we don't mean "Sharpe"). Tyson's salary wiped out WWF's entire celebrity budget, usually reserved for the likes of Donnie Wahlberg, Nicholas Turturro and Herb.

WrestleMania XV: Russo Takez Over The Book 

Backstory: Austin's title win the previous year ushered in WWF's "Attitude Era". By this point, that meant 'anything goes', be it foul language, chugging beer, women walking around with their tops off, or injecting steroids in the back. That's just the way it was during the carefree '90s.

Main Event: WWF World Champion The Rock versus Stone Cold Steve Austin, with special guest referee The Big Show.... er, Mr. McMahon.... er, Mankind.

Oh, You Didn't Know?:  The Undertaker won his Hell In The Cell match against The Big Bossman by tying the former law enforcement officer in a noose and hangin him from the top of the cell. Bossman then died (several years later).

Overheard: "Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett are set to defend their tag team titles next, against D-Lo Brown and Test. This match has 'WrestleMania Moment' written all over it!" - Michael Cole.

Celebrity Lineup: Only the celebrities I most often fantastize about: Boyz II Men and Butterbean.

WrestleMania XVI: Everything Seems Cooler When You Call It '2000' (See also: 'Tekno Team)' 

Backstory: Everyone knows the age-old adage: McMahon = Ratings. Seeing how frequently the WWF pulled in big numbers with just one stinking McMahon, the powers-that-be reasoned: how about putting all FOUR of them in the main event?

Main Event: The Rock (with Vince McMahon) versus The Big Show (with Shane McMahon) versus Triple H (with Stephanie McMahon) versus Mick Foley (with Linda McMahon), refereed by Earl Hebner (with Aurora-Rose Levesque), and featuring the commentary of Jim Ross (with Whatever-The-Hell-Shane's-Wife's-Name-Is -- I want to say, Suzie -- McMahon) and Jerry Lawler (with third-cousin Wendell Lester Q. McMahon).

Oh, You Didn't Know?: Instead of The Hardy Boyz, Edge & Christian, and The Dudley Boyz, the original triple threat ladder match for the WWF Tag Team Titles was supposed to include Kai En Tai, Too Cool and The Headbangers.

Overheard: "I don't underztand why everyone'z complainin' about the number a' tag team matchez on the zhow. I even made zure I booked a traditional one-on-one matchup to zatizfy the markz: The Kat versus Terri Runnelz." -- Vince Russo.

Celebrity Lineup: Ice T ("Pimpin' Ain't, Pimpin' Ain't Easy, Man"); Pete Rose ("Pimpin' Is Sometimes Easy, Man"); Dustin Diamond ("I'm A Pimp, Man.")

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WrestleMania XVII: Austin, We Have A Problem 

Backstory: The World Wrestling Federation was at its absolute peak in the spring of 2001. Two of the hottest competitors in the history of the industry were set to square off, and the undercard was stacked from top to bottom. Plus, the WWF had just acquired WCW, and you just knew that could only mean good things ahead.

Main Event: WWF World Champion The Rock versus Stone Cold Steve Austin, except this time, Austin will turn heel for no apparent reason.

Oh, You Didn't Know?:  In the Gimmick Battle Royale featuring The Iron Shiek, Hillbilly Jim, The Bushwhackers and others, the average participants' age was 48. Which was exactly the same average as in WCW right before the company was sold. 

Overheard: "Linda McMahon has been sedated by her husband? How can you tell?" -- Average Fan.

Celebrity Lineup: Motorhead performed Triple H's theme song live (remember when that was actually cool?).

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WrestleMania XVIII: nWo's Here To Stay, Baby! 

Backstory: The big story of this year's 'Mania was all about the return of someone quite special: me.

Once again held in Canadian Bulldog's backyard (not literally my backyard; it would have sucked had, say, Scott Hall slipped on my patio and sued) of Toronto, this event had everything. A match-up between legitimate legends. The Undertaker's 10th consecutive WrestleMania victory (back when his streak was actually in doubt). And Triple H's triumphant return from rehab. Not that kind of rehab....

Main Event: WWF World Champion Stephanie McMahon (with Chris Jericho) versus Triple H (with Lucy The Dog).

Oh, You Didn't Know?:  The WWF Hardcore Title changed hands approximately 654 times throughout the course of the evening, creating titleholders such as Christian, Maven, Golddust, Molly Holly, Crash Holly, Bob Holly, Buddy Holly, Holly Madison, Lauren Holly, Halle Berry, Barry Holly, Hurricane, Spike Dudley, Howard Finkel, Lucy The Dog, the late Andre The Giant, That Guy Who Used To Work For Mid-South A Few Years Back, An Inanimate Carbon Rod, and Al Snow.

Overheard: "Rock, you may think I'm over the hill, brother, but whatcha gonna... um... uh... line?" -- Hollywood Hulk Hogan.

Celebrity Lineup: Drowning Pool and Saliva. Yeah, you really went all-out for Canada with the A-Listers, guys....

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WrestleMania XIX: Grumpy Old Men

Backstory: WrestleMania 19 was a significant event for several reasons, none of which we're going to get into here.

Main Event: WWE Champion Kurt An.... wait, what the hell is "WWE"? Let's just say Hulk Hogan versus Vince McMahon.

Oh, You Didn't Know?:  World Champion Triple H tried to psyche out challenger Booker T by pretending he hated blacks. This was just psychological warfare: he actually hated Jews.

Overheard: "Don't worry about your neck, Kurt. Just sit back and relax as I do the greatest shooting-star press in wrestling history." - Brock Lesnar.

Celebrity Lineup: Limp Bizkit and Ashanti. Meh.

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WrestleMania XX: Now Let Us Never Speak Of It... Again. 

All information in this section has been removed due to... um, let's just say, copyright issues. © 2009, World Wrestling Entertainment Inc., all rights reserved.

WrestleMania XXI: WrestleMania Goes Hollywood (e.g. Fake) 

Backstory: In the months leading up to WrestleMania 21, World Wrestling Entertainment treated us to a series of movie spoofs that tying into the "WrestleMania Goes Hollywood" theme. These included Eugene in Forrest Gump, Eddie Guerrero and Booker T in Pulp Fiction, Stacy Keibler in Basic Instinct, and Sean Waltman in X-Pacolypse Now.

Personally, I would have paid big money to see a Star Wars spoof that had Darth McMahon saying: "Hunter.... join me and together, we will rule the universe. I am your father (in-law)!"

Main Event: Evolution Explodes~! as World Champion Triple H battles Batista. And the previously unknown team of John Cena and WWE World Champion John Bradshaw Layfield also exploded.

Oh, You Didn't Know?:  The first-ever Money In The Bank ladder match was created after someone stashed the evening's paychecks in a briefcase and then suspended it above the ceiling for some reason.

Overheard: "Exactly who thought it would be a good idea for me to go out there in a sumo outfit with my ass cheeks hanging out?" - The Big Show.

Celebrity Lineup: Just Motorhead. Geez... would it have KILLED someone to bring in, I don't know.... Regis Philbin or Carlton from Fresh Prince or something?

WrestleMania XXII: Big Time! So Much Larger Than Life...

Backstory: In the spring of 2006, John Cena had a firm hold as the promotion's top championship, no matter what fans thought of him. I know, I know... that's been pretty much the same situation for the last few years, but work with me here. Yet he was about to collide with the one man who was also used to being pushed no matter what the fans thought of him - Triple H.

Over on Friday Night SmackDown, Eddie Guerrero died (well, six months earlier) and Rey Mysterio was pretending to be him for some reason. To accomplish that goal, he had to face Randy Orton and World Champion Kurt Angle.

Main Event: WWE Champion John Cena versus Triple H; World Champion Kurt Angle versus Randy Orton and Rey Mysterio (duh).

Oh, You Didn't Know?:  Well, your ass better callllll some-bod-eeeee!

Overheard: "Okay, how the f*ck am I supposed to pick up Mark Henry and put his fat ass in a casket? Did anyone think about that small detail beforehand?" - The Undertaker.

Celebrity Lineup: Michelle Williams? P.O.D.? What's the fricking point???

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WrestleMania XXIII: All Grown Up - Especially The Creepy Old Rich Guys 

Backstory: There's an ancient proverb that goes "Money, money, money, money, money. Some might have a little. Some might have a lot. But I'm the Million Dollar Man. And you'll all be bought. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Never before has that rang more true than when billionaires Donald "You're fired!" Trump and Vince "You're... FIRRRRRED!" McMahon did battle, using carefully-selected surrogates. The loser of the match would get their head shaved, while the loser would.... I don't know.... get a better haircut?

Main Event: Who better to represent a hair versus hair match that Bobby Lashley (with Donald Trump) versus Umaga (with Vince McMahon), with special guest referee Stone Cold Steve Austin?

Oh, and there was also something about some title matches and whatnot.

Oh, You Didn't Know?: The Undertaker's victory over World Champion Batista marked the dead man's 15th consecutive win at WrestleMania, creating wrestling's greatest unbeaten streak since Bill Goldberg pretended to be something like 2,600-and-0 back in WCW.

The other 14 Taker defeated for that honor were Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, Andre The Giant, Hulk Hogan, Tito Santana, Junkyard Dog, Hillbilly Jim, Captain Lou Albano, Wendi Richter, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, Big John Studd, Mr. Fuji and The Fabulous Moolah.

Overheard: "Who would have ever thought that Rob Van Dam, Sabu, Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman would be competing at WrestleMania... as a team.... in a meaningless match against four shlubs.... without any weapons or controversial finishes, and... OH MY GOD.. just shoot me now!" - Joey Styles.

Celebrity Lineup: Donald Trump and Aretha Franklin. Sorry, is this WrestleMania 23... or WrestleMania 2 and 3?

WrestleMania XXIV: The Biggest WrestleMania Under The Sun, Except For The Crap-Ass Matches

Backstory: How could you stupid marks not remember the background of an event that happened just one year ago? I mean.... really now....

Main Event: WWE Light Heavyweight Champion Floyd "Money" Mayweather versus WBC Super Heavyweight Champion Big "No More Money; That's Why He Came Back" Show.

Oh, and there was also something about some title matches and whatnot.

Oh, You Didn't Know?:   At the end of the show, there was a massive pyrotechnics display that ended up injuring or hospitalizing some 45 people in the crowd. We later found out it was just "that damn DX" messing with some controls in the back.

Overheard: "Shawn - woooooo - by gawd, Michaels! Tonight may be the final wrestling appearance for the Nature Boy. Woooooooo! I've been in this industry for 35 - woooooooo - long years and everyone says I should hang up the boots. They say I'm over the hill. Woooooo! I'm washed up! Woooooooo! Senile! Woooooo! Well, let me tell you this, Hogan. To be - wooooooo - the man.... you've gotta beat the man! Sixteen times I've been to the top of the mountain and there's nothing you can do to change  that, Bischoff! Dusty, you and Magnum don't have what it takes - woooooooo - to be champions like me and The Horsemen do. Woooooooooo! Because I'm a limousine-ridin', Lear jet-flyin', um.... skeet-shootin'.... uh.... So, Stinger - woooooo - get ready for the fight of your life here tonight at Starrcade! Woooooooooooo! Woooooooooooo! Wooooooooooo!" - Nature Boy Ric Flair.

Celebrity Lineup: In addition to Mayweather, you had Snoop Dogg, Kim Kardashian, Raven Symone and John Legend. Granted, it's not like TMZ would be all over this lineup, but it's worlds better than the past four years combined.

Now that you're up to date, it's time for this year's WrestleMania, which just happens to take place on Sunday. They tried to make it exactly 25 years to the day, but no one would have ordered PPV on a Tuesday night  (see also: "This Tuesday In Texas").

Also, it would have had to compete with the timing of this here column... and WWE doesn't want that kind of buyrate drain on their heads.

For True Wrestling Stories, I'm Canadian Bulldog.

Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers. He welcomes your feedback at canadian.bulldog@gmail.com.