Canadian Bulldog here (don't pretend like you don't know who I am!) with your spoilers for this week's episode of Friday Night SmackDown!!!

A few quick housekeeping notes first:

• Be sure to check out exclusive analysis of these spoilers (soon) at Club WWI, courtesy of Canadian Bulldog and The Big Rybowski.
• I plan to update this page in the next 24 - 48 hours with pictures from both this event and Monday Night Raw.
• Check back on World Wrestling Insanity later today for a very special presentation, courtesy of yours truly.
• Aaron Wood sucks.

Onto the spoilers!

1) Kizarny defeated either Zack Ryder or Curt Hawkins in a dark match.

2) Shelton Benjamin defeated Hurricane Helms in a U.S. title match.

3) Jeff Hardy cut an Ultimate Warrior-esque promo on Big Show.

4) Triple H went to the ring and called out Vladimir Kozlov. Chavo Guerrero appeared instead and told The Game that by order of Vickie Guerrero, Triple H will lose his spot in the Royal Rumble and never get a title shot again if he assaults Kozlov. HHH called Chavo a coward, and Vickie arranged a match between the two... right now.

5) Triple H defeated Chavo Guerrero. Chavo tried to do the old "Eddie throws a chair in the ring and then plays possum" spot but was outsmarted by The King of Kings.

6) Carlito defeated The Brian Kendrick via backstabber.

7) Umaga vignette for his return to SmackDown.

8) Edge and Vickie Guerrero are backstage and The Big Show comes in. Show explains he'll take care of Jeff Hardy tonight, but he wants a title shot later. To Edge's dismay, Vickie agreed to the request.

9) Backstage, Michelle McCool tells Maria to call it down the middle while refereeing Michelle's match against Maryse.

10) Maryse defeated Michelle McCool to win the WWE Divas Championship. Special referee Maria then tried to console Michelle, and was assaulted brutally for her troubles. To paraphrase The Simpsons: "I can't believe she did something that was completely in character for her."

11) The Great Khali defeated MVP. Afterwards, Mr. Kennedy came out and mocked MVP, while plugging his DVD at the same time. Khali didn't kiss MVP (or anyone else) afterwards.

12) Vladimir Kozlov defeated Jimmy Wang Yang.

13) Kizarny makes his (official) SmackDown debut next week.

14) Edge and Big Show had another confrontation backstage.

15) Jeff Hardy defeated Big Show by countout.

16) Aaron Wood sucks.

And finally, here are a few of my pictures from the Monday Night Raw taping:

Charlie Haas was The Mountie during the commercial break.

Some dumbass forgot to hold up the "K" in "RKO".

Jericho was "mad over" (as the kids say) in Toronto.

Jillian treats us to a song.

Glamarella looks mortified as Cena's music plays.

Cena and Mrs. Canadian Bulldog celebrate in the ring.

Rey Rey gives a shout out to St. Nick.