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JR's SmackDown Before Christmas
By Jim Ross (as told to Canadian Bulldog)
(A special thanks to WWI reader RD Lee for his artwork suggestion!)
'Twas the week before Christmas, on MyNetwork TV Here on Friday Night SmackDown, when what did I see? The matches were scripted by agents with care, Except for the Divas stuff; kind of 'just there'.
They kicked off the show with Edge and wife Vickie, The pairing of which, makes yours truly quite sickie. The two planned a match for The Cerebral Assassin, Big Show -- and two others -- were to kick The Game's ass in.
Triple H then came out to answer the couple, Said he'd take on all three guys, without too much trouble. The King of Kings predicted, he'd avoid any loss, On account - I'm just guessing - of him boning the boss. They then threw it to me and my colleague Tazz Out came Jesse and Festus, who started to spaz. The big guy leapt up - and he's kind of a hoss, I bet he'd like some of my Barbeque Sauce!
The team lost their tag match to Hawkins and Ryder, Keep an eye out for Festus - he's one helluva fighter. Coming up later, the new Champ, Jeff Hardy, The Rainbow Haired Warrior (whom I've heard likes to party).
Next up was a match that was borderline tacky, Jimmy Wang Yang taking on Kung Funaki. This particular matchup was kind of the sh*ts, At least it appeared that way, from where this Okie sits. Still, I try to invoke the spirit of Solie. But the best I can hope for is TNA's Foley.
I have to watch all the things that I say: "By GAWD, what a move!"; "Folks, this isn't ballet".
This was followed up by a "hilarious" vignette, I'm starting to wonder how bad this can get. Instead of, say, R-Truth against MVP, We're "treated" to Mae Young kissing Khali. Jeff Hardy comes out next, through pyro and fog. He's a real enigma, as I've said on my blog.
Jeff welcomes the challenge of one Vladimir Kozlov, Whomever booked that one should seriously Eff Off. Finally it's time for our big Main Event, I'm glad it's arrived; yours truly is spent.
Triple H is out first, followed by Big Show And his first partner for the night, Mr. Chavo Guerrero. But whom have Edge and Vickie picked as the third Superstar? Well, I'll be damned - it's Good Ol' JR! Why'd they choose me? Edge must be off his rocker! Nonetheless, I'll make sure this is one slobberknocker. Soon the main event's over, with a pin: 1 - 2 - 3. The ones with their arms raised: Show, Chavo and me!
I ended up playing the role of Triple H ruiner,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all - BOOMER SOONER!
Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers. He wishes you all a very happy holidays!
Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on...
Lance
Cade D-Ray
3000 Bobby
Eaton Manny
Fernandez Greg Gagne Chalie
Haas B.G.
James
Rodney
Mack One
Man Gang Harley
Race Dave Taylor
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