Last year, CM Punk was named the top wrestler in the world by readers and staff of World Wrestling Insanity (and I guess by WWE and all that, too). And while there's no doubt that The Second City Saint had a career year in 2011, it never would have happened without the backing of the very "front office" that he mocked in interviews.
Let's get real: for as much as said front office would like the fans to believe they have the final say on who gets pushed to the moon and who's relegated to jerking the curtain... none of it happens without the blessing of a Vince McMahon, a Dixie Carter, a John Laurinitis, an Eric Bischoff, a Triple H, a Hulk Hogan, a Vince Russo or (in very, very few cases) a Koko B. Ware.
Some of the wrestlers the office gets behind are huge success stories that make gobs of money for both the wrestler and the promotion. And others?
Lex Luger
Year
1993
Promotion
World Wrestling Federation
Lex Luger was used to receiving pushes in his career. When he chased Ric Flair for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship in 1988, he used it to draw money and earn the respect of the locker room. When he was turned heel after Flair left the promotion in 1991, he experienced a middling amount of success. And when he temporarily left wrestling in 1992 to become a WBF Bodystar. What were "WBF Bodystars"? Well, we won't get into that.
Okay, fine. but only since you asked so nicely.
Where the hell was I going with this again? Oh, right, 1993. So the World Wrestling Federation (motto: "No relation to the World Bodybuilding Federation") was looking for a top babyface to challenge their heel champion Yokozuna.
In Vince McMahon's mind, Bret Hart wasn't the man to build a promotion around yet. Hulk Hogan had recently departed the WWF, so Vinnie Mac just decided to kind of clone him instead.
In fairness, Flexy Lexy kind of looked like a younger, buffer Hogan, one that didn't have ridiculous aspirations to become an "actor" or tell lies on Arsenio Hall. So the only thing left for WWF to do was shove the guy down our throats (that's what she said!).
And shove they did. Luger donned a red, white and blue All-American shirt that he probably lifted from a red, white and blue All-American Tommy Hilfiger somewhere, and boarded a custom-built red, white and blue All-American tour bus, where he handed out red, white and blue All-American flags and spent much of the summer trying to fool red, white and blue All-American stupid marks into thinking he was Hulk Hogan's kid or some shit.
America - F*CK YEAH! Coming now to save the motherf*cking day, yeah! America - F*CK YEAH! Freedom is the only way, yeah! Terrorists, your game is through. Now you'll have to answer to....
Shockingly, the gimmick didn't go quite as well as expected. McMahon nixed the seemingly-obvious plan to have Luger beat Yoko for the WWF Title at SummerSlam '93 (Luger instead got a lame countout victory) and by the time WrestleMania X rolled around, they pretty much gave up on the concept. In an All-American way, mind you.
Billy Kidman
Year
2000
Promotion
World Championship Wrestling
Billy Kidman was actually given a solid premise when he grabbed the microphone one night on WCW Monday Nitro and complained that the Hulk Hogans of the world weren't letting him "get over". Hogan, the company's most recognizable name, had complained that Kidman couldn't "sell out a flea market."
Unfortunately, WCW -- for not the first time in its history and certainly not the last -- found a way to mess things up. Instead of making Kidman the plucky, up and coming babyface to Hogan's veteran heel, they decided to go all Freaky Friday on our asses. Kidman was now the heel; Hogan the face.
So here was Kidman, an Internet darling who had the fans behind him, and he was booked to look like kind of a douche. He was even given a rare pinfall win over The Hulkster, but it was due to the interference of perpetual crowd-pleaser Eric Bischoff.
At the end of the day, the angle served to get only one guy over: Hulk Hogan. Hogan, who could probably get the crowd to pop by farting. Hogan, who has been selling out arenas since the late 17th century. Hogan, who needs as much help getting over as I do writing humor columns (which is to say, not at all).
It took only a few months before Little Billy more or less faded into obscurity.
King Mabel
Year
1995
Promotion
World Wrestling Federation
You stupid marks remember Mabel, right? He's the same dude as Viscera and Big Daddy V, only instead of freaky contact lens and "fat man" suspenders, he wore a purple hip hop jumpsuit. Not sure which is an improvement on which.
The Original Funkasaurus.
Anyhoo, Brodus Mab was part of a tag team combination known as Men On A Mission, or MOM, after members Mabel, Oscar and Mo. In early 1995, they dumped Oscar (shouldn't they have changed their name to MM?) and turned heel.
But when Mabel was an entrant in that year's King of the Ring tournament, he wasn't exactly a favorite to win. In fact, Las Vegas placed his odds of winning slightly behind Jumpin' Jim Brunzell, Conquistador # 2, Jimmy Uso, Dink The Clown and An Inanimate Carbon Rod.
Nonetheless, Mr. MOM won the whole tournament, changed his name to King Mabel (because King Big Daddy V doesn't sound right, you know?) and challenged then-WWF Champion Diesel to a match at SummerSlam.
Unfortunately, the WWF forgot one key element: no matter how much one tries to dress it up, no one gives a crap about Diesel vs. King Friggin' Mabel on pay-per-view. They probably would have rather seen Diesel-Brunzell. And before you could say "Whoomp! There it is!" King Mabel wasn't a factor in wrestling again for many years.
Scott Steiner
Year
2003
Promotion
World Wrestling Entertainment
If anyone deserved a push when they came to WWE in late-2002, it was Scott Steiner.
No, I'm not kidding. The former WCW World Champion had a killer look (e.g. he looked like he was going to kill you) and was one the fortunate ones that hadn't come to WWE during the ill-fated InVasion period (and you could write an entire book about failed pushes in that era).
Unfortunately -- and I hear this far too often about myself -- looks only get you so far. His very first program in WWE was against World Champion Triple H. Instead of building a match up by having two hated rivals build on a grudge, Big Poppa Pump and The Game engaged in.... um, a benchpress competition?
For some reason, the super posedown wasn't enough to sell people on Freakzilla (perhaps they should have involved former WBF Bodystar Lex Luger?). So instead, Trips and Scotty wrestled each other at the Royal Rumble in, Jeff Hardy vs. Sting notwithstanding, one of the worst PPV title matches ever!
EVER!!!
This wasn't "Holla if you hear me!". This was "Sue me if you watched this!"
As a result of this calamity, fans' interest in the Big Bad Booty Daddy faded faster than my erection during a Chyna porno. Before you knew it, Steiner was involved in a middle-of-the-card angle with Test and Stacy Keibler (and we're back!) that would have only been watchable had George Clooney been involved somehow.
Erik Watts
Year
1992
Promotion
World Championship Wrestling
The L on his jacket? Stands for Loser.
Disclaimer: Erik Watts has an audio show on our sister site ClubWWI.com that is actually tremendous. He seems -- legitimately -- like a good guy who knows a thing or two about how the business operates. So this isn't attack on the man himself (lest I end up on the wrong side of a pissed-off James Guttman).
The attack is actually more on his old man, then-WCW booker BillWatts. Watts Junior was a barely-trained rookie and he was being booked in the promotion like freaking Goldberg for some strange reason that definitely wasn't nepotism-related.
Now, pushes of second- and third-generation wrestlers have been a staple of professional wrestling for many years; some turn out really well (Randy Orton, Owen Hart, Cody Rhodes, The Rock); some turn out okay (Ted DiBiase, WCW-era Dustin Rhodes) and some turn out terrible (Manu).
But none of them, arguably, turned out worse than L'il Wattsie, who mysteriously managed to get wins over more deserving grapplers during his relatively brief WCW stint, including:
Arn Anderson
Beautiful Bobby Eaton
Tony Atlas
Paul Orndorff
Lord Steven Regal
Scotty Flamingo (a/k/a Raven)
Diamond Dallas Page
Vinnie Vegas (a/k/a Kevin Nash)
Steve Austin
Granted, the final three were victories were in tag team matches, but still.... four former World Champions had to do the job to a guy who looks like he's a high school quarterback.
Suprisingly, Watts' push ran out of steam shortly after Daddy quit the company, though Evil Erik would compete again in the WWF (Tekno Team 2000, anyone?) and TNA.
Jeff Jarrett
Year
2002
Promotion
Total Nonstop Action
Ain't I great? Well.....
Here's the thing: Jeff Jarrett is a decent wrestler, talker and personality. I legitimately enjoy watching him.
But to suggest that he's a primary main eventer with a monopoly on a promotion's top championship is kind of messed up. In WWE terms, Jarrett should be the superstar equivalent of, say, Christian (which was pretty much how he was booked during his time in McMahonland).
So how did Double J become Ric Flair II? You have to understand that it was the early days of TNA, and they didn't have many "name" wrestlers that would commit to being at every show they ran. Oh, and here's an interesting side note -- he co-founded and owned the friggin' company.
The Chosen One's shtick as... well.... the chosen one, actually wasn't terrible, until they turned him face at the end of the year during a feud with Vince Russo (the less said, the better) and had him shift from sneaky heel to Stone Coldesque hero.
Jarrett 3:16 says I just whupped your tush.
Shockingly, Jarrett's reign of terror continued on in various incarnations (Planet Jarrett) until Kurt Angle came aboard in late 2006 and showed everyone what a real push was supposed to look like.
Billy Gunn
Year
1999
Promotion
World Wrestling Federation
What an concept: Take a bleached-blond, athletic-looking heel, book him as an egotistical show-off, and the rest is main event history. Right?
This guy sure hopes so.
Unfortunately, this wasn't the case with Billy Gunn, who had been stuck in tag teams such as The Smokin' Gunns and The New Age Outlaws before the WWF decided he should strike out on his own.
After Gunn and Triple H failed to win the rights to the D-Generation X name and the sweet, sweet merchandising money associated with it (which begs the question, how the hell were Trips and Shawn Michaels able to resurrect DX in 2006?), the front office decided it was Gunn's time to shine.
Changing his ring name from "Bad Ass" Billy Gunn to the more precise Mr. Ass, Buttock Boy won the 1999 King of the Ring tournament. And then he feuded with The Rock, of all people, culminating in a "kiss my ass" match at SummerSlam. Gee, I can't imagine who would find all of these ass jokes funny; can you?
Despite the Vinny Mac seal of approval, Mr. Ass never quite became the main-event player he was positioned to be. Why? Let's ask The Great One for his opinion:
And if you're not down with that, I got just two words for ya: failed push.
"The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero
Year
2010
Promotion
Total Nonstop Action
I know. I know. I know. I know.
To suggest that the tandem of Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan mishandled the 2010 relaunch of TNA would be akin to suggesting that Matt Hardy is just a little teensy bit of a Huge Douche Canoe: a massive understatement.
And yet, the face turn and subsequent push of D'Angelo Dinero was a brilliant move: fans were already into his act, and with his natural charisma and ability, 'The Pope' could draw tons of money for TNA as a top-tier star.
No, not this Pope. Although you better believe TNA has tried to sign him, too.
So it made perfect sense (and by 'perfect sense', I mean 'no sense at all', and by 'no sense at all', I mean 'standard TNA operating procedure') to align him with then-heels Kevin Nash and Sting for no apparent reason. I understand that it was (eventually) supposed to be a swerve in that the three of them weren't heels but actually faces, but why involve Dinero in that storyline? He wasn't an aging veteran who could pull off a trick like that; he was just some guy who the fans happened to get behind.
And of course, he'd turned full-fledged heel by the beginning of last year, confusing us just a tad more. So it was a case of pushing the right guy, just not the right way.
El Gigante
Year
1990
Promotion
World Championship Wrestling
Give at least a smidgen of credit to Ted Turner. In 1989, his Atlanta Hawks basketball franchise had drafted 7"7 Jorge Gonzales from Argentina. When they realized Gonzales was about as talented at basketball as.... well, me, they decided to transfer him to their rasslin' department.
Known as El Gigante, Gonzales debuted in WCW in April 1990 at the pay-per-view Capital Combat: The Return of Robocop (which was the show where.... uh, never mind. Another discussion for another day.), dressed up to look like a giant that sometimes dressed up as a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger.
Let me at Lord Zedd!
Was Gigante (Spanish for "thee Giant" if his ill-fitting black bicycle shorts were to be believed) a decent wrestler? Well, I'm not one to say. But no, no he wasn't. Let's put it this way - he made future WCW main-eventer Jay Leno look like Ricky Fricking Steamboat by comparison.
But at least The Argentine Power Ranger could cut a decent promo. And by that I mean, "could barely speak English".
These small things (can't wrestle, can't talk) didn't stop WCW from trying to push him to the moon. Featured matches against Ric Flair, Sid Vicious, One Man Gang and others showed that thee Giant was no The Giant (a/k/a Son of Andre The Giant, a/k/a The Big Show) in the ring. Shockingly, he stayed under WCW contract until 1992. Unlike the next guy...
Giant Gonzales
Year
1993
Promotion
World Wrestling Federation
Give at least a smidgen of credit to Vince McMahon. In 1993, he saw 7"7 Jorge Gonzales was a free agent. Even though Vinnie Mac knew (from reading the previous section, no doubt) that Gonzales was about as talented at wrestling as.... well, me, they decided to debut him in style.
Known as Giant Gonzales, Gonzales debuted in the WWF in January 1993 at the pay-per-view Royal Rumble, dressed up to look like a giant that was dressed like a sasquatch for Hallowe'en.
So easy, even a caveman could do it.
Was Gonzales a decent wrestler? Well, I'm not one to say. But no, no he wasn't. Let's put it this way - he made future WWE main-eventer The Great Khali look like Daniel Fricking Bryan by comparison.
But at least Sasquatch Boy could cut a decent promo. And by that I mean, "could barely speak English" (wait for it during the final few seconds of the segment).
These small things (can't wrestle, can't talk) didn't stop WWF from trying to push him to the moon. A featured match against The Undertaker at WrestleMania IX showed that Giant Gonzales was no Andre The Giant (a/k/a storyline deceased father of The Big Show) in the ring. (Not) shockingly, he stayed under WWF contract for roughly a year.
Canadian Bulldog has been writing about professional wrestling since 2003, and became a WWI Superstar at World Wrestling Insanityin January 2006. Need more Bulldog? Check out his "Complete and Utter Bulldog" podcast at Club WWI; like his Facebookpage, and follow him on
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