Previous "True Wrestling Stories":
Hey, kids! Let's lobby the fine folks at World Wrestling Entertainment to induct Paul Roma into the WWE Hall of Fame!
Hell, I've already started a
petition
. All you have to do is add your name to it (as many thousands already have). And online petitions work; if you don't believe me, just ask President-Elect Mean Gene Okerlund.
Hundreds of thousands (or at least hundreds; well, definitely more than one hundred) have already signed the petition! What's wrong with you? The petition was publicly endorsed recently by Hollywood celebrity and NWA commentator Stu Stone during his recent appearance on Club WWI!
But just in case you stupid marks need a reminder about the Power Of Roma
™, I've listed all of the pertinent details below in this, The True Wrestling Story Of Paul Roma.
Chapter One
Wow... they even knew back then.....
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Paul "Romeo" Roma was born in Kensington, New York.
Actually, who knows if that's even true? I just kind of lifted that fact from an old edition of Pro Wrestling Illustrated, and I remember they used to list Tito Santana as hailing from Mission, Texas instead of Tecula, Mexico.
And while I'm at it -- why the hell did PWI always list the Intercontinental Champion as the # 1 contender to the World Title? If that was the case, poor Chico over there would have frequent title shots at Hulk Hogan. Right?
Also.... who, exactly, were Bill Apter's "highly-placed sources" within the Bobby Heenan family? Stuart M. Saks? Liz Hunter? A young James Guttman? And besides, who within the Heenan stable would actually benefit if they leaked dissention rumors to the media? King Kong Bundy? You're telling me King Kong Fricking Bundy needed to have friends in the press to defend his problems with Big John Studd?
Take the Kensington birthplace thing with a grain of salt; that's all I'm saying.
Instead of going into his uncle Tony's rib, steak and seafood
business
, Roma decided to try something different: he trained to become a firefighter.
Nah, just kidding - a professional wrestler.
Chapter Two
Roma facing The F'ng Brooklyn Brawler for like the 75th time in a row.
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Let's be clear about something right off the bat: when Paul Roma began his career with the World Wrestling Federation in the mid-1980's, he was NOT cast as a "jabrone".
The correct spelling is "jabroni".
And another term for that (so that Mr. Roma won't want to beat me up) is "enhancement talent". Not trying to be cruel here, but the guy saw more canvas than Rembrandt in his earliest WWF years.
Still, there was something different about this up-and-comer, compared to other jabr... enhancement talents. He had a great physique, Stallone-like movie-star looks and most importantly, he got more than two offensive moves in per match, showing that the WWF was willing to move him to the next level.
And coincidentally enough, it happened just as we moved on to the next chapter.
Chapter Three
They may have been young, and they may have been stallions, but.... wait, what was the question again?
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By 1987, the World Wrestling Federation feared that, with only The British Bulldogs (no relation), The Hart Foundation, The Killer Bees, Strikeforce, The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik, The Hillbillies, Demolition, Bob Orton and Don Muraco, Kamala and Sika, The Moondogs, Koko B. Ware and a partner of his choosing, The New Dream Team, The New U.S. Express, The New Moondogs and The Conquistadors on its roster, it didn't feature enough permanent tag teams.
Accordingly, Roma was paired up with young Jim Powers as The Young Stallions and the two set the wrestling world on fire. And by fire, I mean a handful of tag team matches on Saturday Night's Main Event against The Hart Foundation and The New New Moondogs.
The Stallions gained a measure of fame after stealing manager Jimmy Hart's theme song Crank It Up from The Wrestling Album II and using it as their own. Strange, considering If You Only Knew (actual lyrics: "You been talkin' too much, too long, too loud, but you ain't scarin' NOBODY!") was ripe for the picking....
By 1988, The Stallions went their separate ways because of alleged personal problems (source: hotwrestlescoops.com) between the members. But it wouldn't be the last time Roma was part of a horse-related team...
Chapter Four
I sure hope Roma and Mr. Perfect are wrestling here, and not doing anything else....
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Following the divorce of The Young Stallions (Roma got custody of the "Crank" part of his theme song, while Powers was allowed to use "It Up"), Roma once again became a big jabr.... I mean, enhancement talent.
Despite having talent and charisma to spare, Roma was booked to lose to the likes of Mr. Perfect, Dino Bravo, Earthquake, Giant Gonzales, Owen Hart, Bastion Booger and several others who are currently deceased.
Fearing that he would be typecast as a jobbe... preliminary wrestler the rest of his career, Roma decided he needed to do something that would change his life forever....
.... OR WOULD IT?!?!
Chapter Five
Hercules and Roma toyed with several different kinds of silly sunglasses, before settling on the "Early Jesse Ventura" model they were known for.
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... it would.
Following the conclusion of another Roma-Bravo (sounds like the name of a frozen lasagna company, no?) match, unkempt youngsters Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty came to the ring for their own bout and attempted to help Roma up.
When he came to, Roma took offense to the gesture, and was soon backed up by former slave Hercules Hernandez (real name: Hercules Thompson). A heel tag team for the ages was born.
As Power and Glory, the duo donned silly sunglasses and wore T-shirts distinguishing which one was "Power" and which one represented "Glory". They also hired Slick as their manager, a former reverend that was so renowned by his peers that he received a doctorate in style.
The fashion sense paid off, as the team would go on to rock
The Rockers, spell certain doom for The Legion Of Doom, whack The Bushwhackers, express The Orient Express, and.... um, apply foundation (?) to The Hart Foundation.
But all good things must come to an end (same with all bad things; see also "Emailing General Manager Gimmick"), and accordingly, Power and Glory went their separate ways.
Shortly after the team split up, Roma went to the place every wrestler goes to help their career flourish: professional boxing.
Oh... wait! Change that earlier sentence to, "they gave The Hart Foundation a heart attack!" Better?
Chapter Six
Roma's boxing career was fairly unremarkable apart from the second-round knockout of Mike Tyson.
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Many of you stupid marks don't realize this, but following his World Wrestling Federation run, Roma boxed professionally.
He had three fights, according to this boxing record website. It doesn't say, but we're guessing his two wins were over Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield, while the one loss was to Bart Gunn.
Seeing as I don't know much more about it than that -- what the hell does this look like, World Boxing Insanity? -- this is probably as good a time as any to move on.
Chapter Seven
A rare meeting of three of James Guttman's favorite ClubWWI guests (Ole Anderson, Paul Roma and Fifi).
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In 1993, Roma joined World Championship Wrestling (motto: "Folks, we have a motto, but I can't talk about it here. Call me on the Hotline, 1-900-909-9900!"). He was insantly cast as a member of Ric Flair's faction The Four Horsemen.
Critics cried foul, suggesting Roma wasn't fit to be part of an elite group that would later include a punch-drunk football player, suicidal loose cannon and child murderer (What - like you weren't thinking the exact same thing?).
As a Horseman, Roma won the WCW World Tag Team Titles with Arn Anderson, although they lost them shortly thereafter to future TNA superstars The Nasty Boys.
But it was Roma's next move that would have the wrestling community talking...
Chapter Eight
What the Pretty Wonderful tag team action figure set might have looked like had those bastards at LJN followed through with their promise.
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Roma turned heel (did I mention that, when he joined WCW, he was a face again? Crap.) and began teaming with fellow WWE Hall of Famer (assuming our petition works) Paul "Mr. Wonderful" Orndorff.
Their tag team name, naturally, was Romadorff - later shortened to Pretty Wonderful.
Managed by The Assassin, an individual who wore the most ill-fitting mask ever (EVER!!!), Pretty Wonderful held the WCW World Tag Team Titles for a cup of coffee.
When the coffee ran out, they defeated the team of Cactus Jack and Kevin Sullivan to actually win the championships. This led to matches against such esteemed WCW duos as Marcus Alexander Bagwell and 2 Cold Scorpio, Marcus Alexander Bagwell and The Patriot, Marcus Alexander Bagwell and Scotty Riggs, and The New New New Moondogs.
The team ended after a second tag title reign, setting up for exciting things in Roma's future.
Well, not really.... but if I told you the next chapter was kind of boring, would you read it? Would that impress the Hall of Fame committee? No! So just STOP PICKING EVERYTHING APART so we can move on, already!!!
Roma left WCW in 1995, following a match gone wrong at SuperBrawl V, in which he butchered little sissy boy Alex Wright.
Chapter Nine
"@$!$% you, Flair!"
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Roma next surfaced on a World Wrestling Entertainment retrospective DVD about the Four Horsemen.
His inclusion in the group was again mocked, this time by McMahon-In-Law Triple H (real name: Single H), who said his first reaction upon learning about Roma's inclusion was "Really? The job guy from WWE?".
Roma returned the compliment months later on
Club WWI
, saying "Hey, buddy. You suck!" Forget the supposed "shoot" feud between The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar - I want to see Triple H versus Paul Friggin' Roma!
Also mentioned on the DVD was the fact that, during their time as Horsemen, Roma would invariably get more women than Flair when the group went out to party.
Who knows what the real story is? The only thing I can with 100 percent uncertainty is, both guys got more women than me.
Chapter Ten
Sadly, the team of Pretty Guttmanderful never materialized.
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Following his first appearance on Club WWI -- home of the highly-rated "Complete and Utter Bulldog" audio show and I guess a bunch of shoot interviews -- Roma enjoyed the experience so much that he became a Club regular (and once again, ended up getting more tail than yours truly).
Co-hosting the audio show "Glorious" with recovering alcoholic James Guttman, Roma holds back nothing, voicing his opinions on WWE, WCW and even TNA ("Hey buddy. You suck!").
It's a fitting conclusion to the career of a (hopefully soon) Hall of Famer.
For True Wrestling Stories, I'm Canadian Bulldog
