Tommy Dreamer in "CarrotFest": A Canadian Bulldog Pictorial

This past weekend, I was among the hundreds of thousands (or dozens) that attended an evening of PWA action featuring TNA's Tommy Dreamer in the small town of Bradford, Ontario.

The evening was known as "CarrotFest" because that was the name of the town's weekend festival. Also because all the wrestlers were carrots.

I sat ringside and everything for what was a fun little independent show. Unfortunately, the public address system was so faulty that I couldn't make out most of the wrestlers' names. So I decided to improvise and give them new names:

Match # 1: Team "Russia" vs. Team "Italy"

(Semifinal match for the Crockett... I mean, Carrot, Cup)

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One the evil Russians (let's call him Vladimir Koloff) can't stand the jeers from all 12 fans at ringside.

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Team Italy consisted of Fake Little Guido and some guy that may have been Reno from WCW.

Match #2: The Midnight Dynasty Foundation vs. The EVIL Persians

(Semifinal match for the Carrot Cup)

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The Midnight Dynasty Foundation were two local guys that were crazy over with the crowd, including their mother (right hand side w/iPhone)

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"The Midnight Dynasty Foundation are tag team specialists, Jess."

Match # 3: Alicia Somethingorother vs. Aaron Wood

(Mixed Gender Match)

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Not to be cruel... but Alicia was actually billed as the "hot" one.

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Aaron Wood responds to the crowd yelling that he/she "sucks".

Match # 4: Rick Steiner Wannabe vs. Flabby Hayabusa and Pretend Great Kabuki

(Handicap Match)

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Steiner has to take on both guys. And some dude I call Annoying Douchebag is standing at ringside, blocking my partial view.

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Steiner tosses Flabby Hayabusa over the ropes, while Pretend Kabuki does nothing to help.

Special Appearance By.... Really Fake Doink!!!

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Doink The Fricking Clown in Bradford? I'm pretty sure this is the same one that helped beat up Crush at WrestleMania. Or not.

Match # 5: Shawn 'Gavin' Spears vs. R.J. City (with Zach Galifiankis From The Hangover)

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Spears threatens Zach Galifianakis, while a fan has Spears's back.

Zach Galifianakis distracts Spears (see the towel he's thrown in the right-hand corner of the ring?) allowing City to get the pin.

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Post-match, Spears threatens to dump City on his ass.

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City dumped on his ass.

Match # 6: Team Italy vs. The EVIL Persians

(Carrot Cup Finals)

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It's tournament finals time, as The Evil Persians work over Fake Little Guido. Annoying Douchebag is at ringside.

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The old "you hold him and I'll clothesline him" tricks NEVER fails.

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What the... IT DIDN'T WORK?!? Team Italy wins the match and the prestigious Cup.

Match # 7: Tommy Dreamer vs. "Impact" Eddie Osbourne

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Osbourne looks kind of like Crash Holly. Only alive.

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Dreamer wears a "TNA" shirt. There were tons of E-C-Dub chants, but not one for TNA.

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Dreamer introduces Obscourne to the turnbuckle.

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The referee gives the "bunny ears" sign to Dreamer for some reason.

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Tommy asks Annoying Douchebag for a chair, so we can make this party HARDCORE!

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The Innovator of Violence has a plastic chair (with Annoying Douchebag looking on in delight). Doesn't he realize this will cause BRAIN DAMAGE????

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But the tables have turned! Obsourne has the chair!!!

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Oh no... Obscourne has the chair. DAMMIT, HE'LL KILL TOMMY!!!!

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But he misses, and Dreamer gets the pinfall. It's ALL OVER!!!

Canadian Bulldog has been writing about professional wrestling since 2003, and became a WWI Superstar at World Wrestling Insanity in January 2006. Need more Bulldog? Check him out on Facebook and Twitter , and order his book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers.

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