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World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News: All You Can Eat!

By Canadian Bulldog
May 12, 2009 - 3:00 PM


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It's been a few weeks since we've presented Breaking News on World Wrestling Insanity, so why not take a minute to get better acquainted with my body of work (updated May 2009 - press the sound icon for background music):

 

  

 

Ugandan Miracle!

Kamala Image Discovered On Pancake

(Fort Myers, Florida) - The image of former World Wrestling Federation superstar Kamala was discovered today, burned into a buttermilk pancake at the Fort Myers IHOP.

"I don't know how it happened," said Carl Surhoff, who received the pancake in question adorning the likeness of the Ugandan Headhunter. "The only explanation I have is that it's a sign from above."

Kamala terrorized WWF rings on and off between 1986 and 1993, plied his trade on the indepedent circuit, recorded a CD of original music, and even appeared in a best-selling wrestling book. However, this appears to be the first documented case of him appearing on top of griddled pancake batter.

Surhoff plans to save his Kamala Cake (he did eat the others) and preserve it in a sandwich baggie, charging locals upwards of $5 a pop to view the food in question.

"I can tell you that this didn't happen by accident," Surhoff said. "Kamala appeared on my pancake for a reason. Just like that time in 2004 when Sika was staring up at me from a grilled cheese sandwich."

-30-


Oh, You Didn't Know?

Fun Facts About Professional Wrestling

Oh, you didn't know... that former WWE superstar and Hollywood C-Lister Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has an affinity for a certain type of "pie"? Boston Creme.

-30-


Buddy Rose Autopsy Results In

Wrestler's Death Related To "Blow-Away Diet"

(Portland, OR) - Autopsy results show that former professional wrestler "Playboy" Buddy Rose died because of complications related to the Blow-Away Diet.

Rose, a slim, trim 217 pounds throughout his notable wrestling career, was a well-known proponent of the diet, which involved lathering oneself in what looked to be talcum powder, and then sitting in front of an oversized fan.

"It's a rather dangerous choice of lifestyle," noted nutritionist Dr. Jean Peterson told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News. "Some people's metabolisms just weren't be meant to be blown away." 

Peterson, who has also studied the adverse effects of IcoPro ("You've gotta want it!") used in controlled environments, says many dieters "over-blow" themselves beyond the level that a healthy human being should be doing.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is currently investigating how much Blow-Away powder one can safely apply.

-30-


Aaron Wood Tried To Eat 7,000 Corndogs In One Sitting, Bulldog Says

(Edinburgh, Scotland) - Aaron Wood, a fellow writer at World Wrestling Insanity.com, once tried to eat 7,000 corndogs in a single sitting.

-30-


Marella Launches Cereal

Santin-O's "Greatest Breakfast Cereal For All Of The Times"

(I dunno... Cereal City?) - Perennial World Wrestling Entertainment joke Santino Marella claims his brand new breakfast has the potential to be the greatest cereal "for all of the times."

"My breakfast cereal is better than the Cookied Crisp, or Fruity Stupid Pebbles," Marella told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News. "Every time you take a bite of Santino, it is like, how you say, an explosion on your mouth."

Santin-O's, which contains 19 essential vitamins and minerals to maintain a healthy unibrow, has been named "part of this complete breakfast" by no less an authority than completely-unrelated Surgeon General Santina Marella.

Each box of delicious Santin-O's contains a valuable prize inside, such as a miniature Italian flag, or stickers of Jimmy Kimmel's cousin.

-30-


WWI Obscure Wrestling-Related Reference Of The Week

World Wrestling Insanity columnist and Club WWI.com subscriber Matt Dawgs writes: "Remember when Hulk Hogan always told everyone to say their prayers and eat their vitamins? Well, my great-aunt Martha Dawgs started doing the EXACT SAME THING recently, when she was diagnosed with leukemia."


Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers. He can be reached at canadian.bulldog@gmail.com or followed at http://twitter.com/canadianbulldog.

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Canadian Bulldog
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Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on...

A

Sivi Afi
Aaron Aguliera
Skandar Akbar
Brent Albright
Ole Anderson
Road Warrior Animal
Tony "T.L. Hopper" Anthony

B

Buff Bagwell
Doug Basham
Paul Bearer
Giant Bernard
Big Daddy V
Eric Bischoff
Steve Blackman
Brian Blair
Tully Blanchard
Nick Bockwinkel
"The Boogeyman" Marty Wright
Bad News Brown
D-Lo Brown
"Jumping" Jim Brunzell
Mike "Simon Dean" Bucci
Bull Buchanan

C

Lance Cade
Christian
John Cena Sr.
Chaz "Headbanger Mosh"
Bryan "Adam Bomb" Clark
Rob Conway
Jim Cornette

Justin Credible

D

D-Ray 3000
Scott D'Amore
Christopher Daniels
Shawn Daivari
Dangerous Danny Davis
Dawn Marie
Damian Demento
Colin Delaney
Brother Devon
Demolition Ax
Demolition Smash
Bill DeMott
Ted DiBiase
J.J. Dillon
Nick "Eugene" Dinsmore
Disco Inferno
Spike Dudley

Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Kenny Dykstra

E

Bobby Eaton
Paul Ellering

Armando Estrada

F

Manny Fernandez
Francine
Mr. Fuji
Dory Funk Jr.
Terry Funk

G

Greg Gagne
Ronnie Garvin
Jackie Gayda
Robert Gibson
Glacier
Sylvain Grenier
Tod Gordon
Zach Gowen
Juventud Guerrera

H

Chalie Haas
Chris Harris
Bruce Hart
Jimmy Hart
Diva Search's Jessica Hatch
Dave Hebner
Earl Hebner
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Jon Heidenreich
Christy Hemme
Hillbilly Jim
Molly Holly
The Honky Tonk Man
Tim Horner
Scotty 2 Hotty
Sam Houston

Mr. Hughes


I

The Iron Sheik
Ivory

J

B.G. James
Jazz
Ahmed Johnson
Judge Jeff Jones
Orlando Jordan

K


Kamala
Kid Kash
Kevin Kelly
Pat "Simon Diamond" Kenney
Ron Killings
Cpl. Kirschner
Kizarny
Kevin Kleinrock
Brian Knobbs
Ivan Koloff

Nikita Koloff


L

Bobby Lashley
Bruno "Harvey Wippleman" Lauer
Jerry "The King" Lawler
"The Total Package" Lex Luger
Buschwhacker Luke

M

Rodney Mack
Magnum T.A.
Balls Mahoney
Dutch Mantell
Rick Martel
Clarence Mason
"Masterpiece" Chris Masters
Robbie McAllister
Rory McAllister
Matt Morgan
Ernest Miller
Missing Link
Father James Mitchell
Mo From Men on a Mission
Sean Mooney
Ricky Morton

Trevor Murdoch

N

Kevin Nash
Nidia

Nunzio

O

One Man Gang
Sonny Onoo
Paul "Mr. Wonderful" Orndorff
Oscar From Men on a Mission
Fred "Typhoon/Tugboat/Shockmaster" Ottman
Pierre-Carl Ouellet

Outback Jack

P

Diamond Dallas Page
Ken Patera
Nick Patrick
Thunderbolt Patterson
Jim Powers
Tom Prichard
Ivan Putski

R

Harley Race
Baron Von Raschke
"The Yeti" Ron Reis
Rhino
Dustin Rhodes
Tommy Rich
Rikishi
Paul Roma
"Super Hero in Training" Rosie
Jacques Rougeau
Terri Runnels

Lance Russell


S

Samoa Joe
Bruno Sammartino
Samu
Tito Santana
Dan "The Beast" Severn
Ron Simmons
Elix Skipper
Slick
Tracey Smothers
Al Snow
Sim "Deuce" Snuka
Dennis Stamp
George "The Animal" Steele
Rick Steiner
Scott Steiner
Idol Stevens
The Stro
AJ Styles
Dave "Evad" Sullivan
Kevin Sullivan

T

Dave Taylor
Sylvester Terkay
ECW's Tiffany
Too Cold Scorpio

V

Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
Jimmy Valiant
Johnny Valiant
Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Sid Vicious
Vito
Nikolai Volkoff


W

 

Y
David Young
Mae Young


Z

Larry Zybszko

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