| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com Canadian Bulldog
"Two Can Play At That Game, Jeff !"
(Memphis, TN) - You've heard of "an eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth." But how about "a wife for a dad" ? Total Nonstop Action "World" Champion Kurt Angle has figured out the best way to get his revenge on company founder Jeff Jarrett: by moving in with Jeff's estranged father. The controversy began with the younger Jarrett allegedly living with Angle's ex-wife Karen Angle and his children, according to reputable information sources such as Hotrasslinscoops.com and Cutandpastecentral.net. The Olympic gold medalist, who won in 1996 with a broken freaking neck, admits he simply initially sought out a living arrangement with Jerry Jarrett as "payback" on his son. However, the relationship has blossomed into something much deeper than that, Angle admits. "Jerry is like the father I never had," said Angle, whose own father died in a construction accident when he was a teenager. "We do everything - go fishing, watch ball games.... we even train for our future MMA careers together!" In retalliation, Jeff Jarrett is planning to adopt Kurt's lookalike brother Eric Angle.
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Oh, You Didn't Know...? Fun Facts About Professional Wrestling
Oh, you didn't know.... that former WCW and WWE competitor Haku stood in at 6"1 - but was only 3"2 without his afro?
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Squash Match! Surgery After Freak Accident Fuses Henry, Bourne Together
(Silsby, TX) - They started out the night as a tag team, and ended it as a singles wrestler. World Wrestling Entertainment superstars Mark Henry and Evan Bourne were in a match at a WWE live event against Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase when tragedy struck. Henry, a former Olympian, picked up the diminutive Bourne to throw him at their opponents, but somehow the two landed together in a twisted heap on the mat. Ringside attendants were unable to pry the two apart and they were sent to a nearby medical facility. The only way to save their lives would be to combine the two bodies in an experimental surgery that had never been tried before, according to their doctor. At least.... he claimed he was a doctor. We here at World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News have to admit, the basement laboratory seemingly powered by stray lightning bolts was more than a little creepy. The end result was Evan Henry, a 400-plus pounder that moves around the ring with the quickness of a cruiserweight. "We here at WWE wish that this surgical procedure never had to happen in the first place," a company spokesperson huffed. "That said, it is one fewer paycheck we have to worry about." Henry's potential WWE rivals are already starting to protest the use of Bourne's "diving double kneedrop to the shoulders" finishing move.
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Top 10 Least Likely Guest Hosts For RAW
10. Statler and Waldorf ("That last match wasn't half bad." "It wasn't half good, either!" "Oh ho ho ho!") 9. Pope Benedict XVI (``It has been a joy for me to witness the faith and devotion of the Catholic community here. Coming up next, John Cena will join Mr. McMahon's Kiss-My-Ass Club'') 8. Vince Russo ("Who booked this crap?") 7. E. Stanley Kroenke ("I've been asked by Mr. McMahon to say that I am scum.") 6. Superstar Billy Graham ("I'm selling this entrance ramp to the highest bidder.") 5. David Letterman ("So our next segment - do we have time for this, Paul? - our next segment will feature this, uh, Randy Orton, a fine young man... fine young man - don't you think so, Paul? - he's going to take a litter of puppies we found right here in Manhattan, and uh, well.... he's going to kick them in the head. A hee-hee-hee! Aw, man.... Paul? A little, uh, puppy-kicking music, please...") 4. The Iron Sheik ("Lemme tell ya somethin', yeh dumb fay-gutt! I beat Howdy Doody Bob Backlan in Mad-sen Square Garden. Then Kennedy Mac-Mahon make meh lose to bleach-blond jay-bronee American Hogayne.") 3. Bill Cosby ("Y'see.... kids today, they like the rasslin', with the flippin' and the floppin'...") 2. Battle Kat (Not that he wouldn't make a fine host, but... you know, who the hell remembers Battle Kat?) 1. President Barack Obama ("Can we make this match with Triple H a three-on-one handicap match? YES WE CAN!")
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TwitterTaker! Phenom's Tweets Reveal Little About Comeback Plans
(www.deathvalley.com) - Although The Undertaker has been missing from World Wrestling Entertainment rings, largely since WrestleMania 25, you wouldn't know it by some of his recent tweets. "Need to find time in my sked to take my urn that contains magical powers for polishing. #chores," The Undertaker wrote on his Twitter page recently. While experts predict The Phenom will return later this year for the Survivor Series, The Undertaker seems to demur, spending time on subjects such as So You Think You Can Dance, Manchester United and which type of shovel is best for digging up corpses. "@aplusk sounds like a sick time!" The Undertaker tweeted in response to a remark by Ashton Kutcher about the television star's weekend plans. "gonna try 2 b there." The Undertaker, a six-time World Champion in WWE and a master of the Hell in the Cell match, follows celebrities on Twitter such as Kutcher, Perez Hilton, Sean P. Diddy Combs, Rainn Wilson and Richard Moll. He also keeps a careful watch on the Twitter pages of his wrestling rivals, including Kamala The Ugandan Headhunter, who, in truth, mostly screams and doesn't say all that much in his Tweets.
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Coming Next Week!
He's been called everything from "The Rated R Superstar" to "Sexton Hardcastle" (heh) to "The Ultimate Opportunist." And yet, how much do we actually know about his life?
Did he REALLY break up Matt Hardy and Lita? Did he REALLY steal my patented catchphrase? Did he REALLY do the nasty with Vickie Guerrero? Did he REALLY spend 22 years in a federal prison (Nope)?
Next week, right here, on this very website.... you're about to get the True Wrestling Story of a major WWE superstar. BANK ON IT!!! (tm Canadian Bulldog, all rights reserved).
You think you know him? You will NEVER know him! Unless, of course, you read Canadian Bulldog's True Wrestling Stories next week.
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WWI Obscure Wrestling-Related Reference Of The Week
World Wrestling Insanity reader and Club WWI.com subscriber Lou Halterman writes: "The other day, I screwed up real bad at the factory where I work, messing up the conveyor belt and everything. Then my boss comes over and yells 'YOU'RE FIRED!'. It reminded me of what Mr. McMahon always says on television." -30- Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers. He can be reached at canadian.bulldog@gmail.com or followed at http://twitter.com/canadianbulldog.
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