World Wrestling Insanity: World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News: DX, TNA, Rickard, God and MORE!!!

World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News: DX, TNA, Rickard, God and MORE!!!

By Canadian Bulldog
Sep 1, 2009 - 2:16 PM

Oh.... My.... GOD!!!

WWE Discloses Next Guest Host of Raw

To be fair, it was either Him or(shudders) Miley Cyrus.

(Akron, OH) - World Wrestling Entertainment is promising a guest host for next week's Monday Night Raw who was "sent from the heavens."

God, the creator and overseer of the universe, will make a special appearance on WWE's flagship television program beginning at 9 p.m. Eastern time (8 p.m. Pacific), live from the Firestone Stadium in metropolitan Akron, Ohio.

"Quite frankly, we are thrilled to have Him hosting Monday Night Raw," WWE Chairman Vince McMahon told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News while waiting for his Viagra pill to kick in. "He joins a rich tradition of guest hosts that include Freddie Prinze Junior, ZZ Top, Sgt. Slaughter, and appearing next month, that douche who won on Jeopardy like 10 years ago (Ken Jennings)."

It will be His first appearance in a WWE ring, since teaming with Shawn Michaels three years ago in the main event of Backlash. He was then released from his contract when creative "had nothing for Him."

According to WWE sources (okay, fine - some little cut-and-paste site we found with a Google search - happy?), the Lord will book a six-Diva "Naughty Nun" match; Hornswoggle will take on Chavo Guerrero in a "Cross On A Pole" match; Triple H is converting to Judiasm to get revenge on Legacy; and a hilarious backstage skit will involve Santino Marella learning how to pray.

The main event is scheduled to be God and John Cena versus Randy Orton and Satan.

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Oh, You Didn't Know...?

Fun Facts About Professional Wrestling

His challah was often stale and crusty (that's what she said!).

Oh, you didn't know.... that Abdullah The Butcher was never REALLY a butcher? He was, however, a baker for several years.

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Rise & Fall !

New DVD Pinpoints Exactly When TNA Started Sucking

Not affiliated in any way with The Rise & Fall of WCW. Or The Rise & Fall of ECW.

(Orlando, FL) - Did it happen during Jeff Jarrett's year as champion? Vince Russo's in-ring "debates" over what happened to WCW? The downplaying of the X Division? The fifteen-month Eric Young vs. Robert Roode storyline? Or perhaps all of the above?

A new three-disc DVD set by Total Nonstop Action wrestling promises to chronicle precisely when the promotion began spiralling downward and never recovered.

"The people running TNA were a bunch of morons," announcer Mike Tenay said in an excerpt from the DVD. "And... um, they still are."

TNA spared no expense, interviewing more than two dozen former and current performers about the promotion's crowd-pleasing highs and heartbreaking (current) lows.

"I remember the first few years of TNA; such promise," said TNA Original A.J. Styles in another excerpt. "What the f*** went wrong?"

The DVD set also features 15 classic matches and a special reel of "Dumb Ideas", many of which were also featured in previous TNA releases.

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Top Ten Signs DX Is Getting Old

*Generation X* ended a long time ago, too.

10. "We've got just two words for ya -- speak up!"

9. Future storyline has Legacy stealing their Medic Alert bracelets.

8. Often seen riding around in tank to "invade" local Wal-Mart.

7. Shawn Michaels has taken to wearing heavier cotton blouse so he doesn't catch a chill.

6. They insist on wrestling earlier in the show so they can get to Tony Roma's in time for the "earlybird" special.

5. Heard backstage referring to days of old, when founding DX members included Chyna, X-Pac and Thunderbolt Patterson.

4. Triple H now mixes the water in his bottle with Bromo-Seltzer.

3. Most recent in-ring promo had them calling out Los Boricuas for some reason.

2. Harder to tell when they're crotch-chopping because of how high they wear their pants.

1. Are no longer always ready.

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"Fan" Revealed!!!

Person Who Interfered In Indy Show Main Event Actually Just A Fan

The fan (wearing a hat; not the bWo guy) claims to be a writer for some low-rent wrestling site.

(Buffalo, NY) - The alleged "fan" who interfered in last night's Superstars Wrestling Alliance main event between The Tomahawk and Goliath has been revealed.

The "fan", who ran into the ring and stomped on Tomahawk's head before being escorted away by security guards, has been identified by sources as one Michael W. Rickard II.

Rickard, who claims he writes for some website with a name along the lines of insanewrestling.com, was not actually a performer, but in reality just a fan attending the show.

"Yeah, we had no intention of making that part of the storyline," SWA Commissioner Ray "Rocko" Kramer told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News. "Sorry for any confusion."

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WWI Obscure Wrestling-Based Reference Of The Week

Dude looks like a lady.... well, kind of.

Worldwrestlinginsanity.com reader and Club WWI subscriber Timothy Van Schnook writes: "Do you remember that lame storyline where Santina Marella was actually revealed to be Santino Marella? Hah - how pathetic! It reminds me of what I found out about my girlfriend the other week...."

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Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers. He can be reached at canadian.bulldog@gmail.com or followed at http://twitter.com/canadianbulldog