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Canadian Bulldog
World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News EXCLUSIVE REPORT
By Canadian Bulldog
Mar 10, 2009 - 3:00 PM

De Niro to Play Vince McMahon In New Film

"No Chance In Hell" Features Star-Studded Cast

(Hollywood, CA) - Academy Award-winning actor Robert De Niro has played a surly cop, a surly mobster, a surly thug, a surly prizefighter, a surly psychopath, and even a surly retired CIA agent. But never before has he played a surly wrestling promoter whose ass can do tricks.

De Niro (Righteous Kill) will play World Wrestling Entertainment Chairman Vince McMahon in the biopic No Chance In Hell, telling the true story of wrestling's famed Monday Night Wars.

"I've had the opportunity to tell a lot of compelling stories in my career," De Niro told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News. "But I can't imagine anything more epic than being able to re-tell the story of the ratings battle between the World Wrestling Federation and World Championship Wrestling."

Hollywood heavyweight Martin Scorcese is attached to direct the picture, which has already begun preproduction. In addition, No Chance In Hell boasts one of the strongests casts in recent memory:

Hollywood bad-boy Colin Farrell (Pride and Glory), shown here in his role as the rebellious Stone Cold Steve Austin.
  

Screen veteran Gene Hackman (Welcome to Mooseport) stars as wrestling veteran Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Rounding out the new World Order are Jack Black (Tropic Thunder) as Scott Hall and Will Ferrell (Step Brothers) as Kevin Nash.

Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? So does Academy Award winner Cuba Gooding Jr. (Daddy Day Camp), who goes from saying "Show me the money!" to "Know your role and shut your mouth!"

Drunken hick Matthew McConaughey (Failure to Launch) is said to turn in the performance of a lifetime as the iconic Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels.

De Niro's McMahon is pitted against arrogrant WCW President Eric Bischoff, who will be played by noted Scientologist Tom Cruise (Valkyrie), in an uncredited role.

You aren't likely to "rest in peace" when punch-drunk actor Sylvester Stallone (Rambo) rolls his eyes into his head and sits up like a zombie as half-dead grappler The Undertaker.

Sir Ian McKellen (King Lear) has accomplished a lot in his illustrious career, but never before has he styled and profiled like Nature Boy Ric Flair. Woooooo!

It's all about the game, and how a 300-plus pound Val Kilmer (Felon) plays it, as Triple H.

It's showtime, when Keanu Reeves (The Day The Earth Stood Still) transforms into Sting.

Dwayne Johnson (Race to Witch Mountain) turns his attention to the wrestling ring as he plays Bret Hit Man Hart.

In exchange for signing away the rights to their life story, the McMahon family were allowed to hand-pick the actors that played themselves:

From left to right: Brad Pitt (The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button) as Shane McMahon; Angelina Jolie (Changeling) as Stephanie McMahon; Meryl Streep (About A Zillion Films) as Linda McMahon; De Niro as Vinnie Mac.

No Chance In Hell is scheduled to open in theaters nationwide this fall. If you don't see it... you're.... FIRRRRRRRRRRRED!

-30-

(A special thanks this week to Complete and Utter Bulldog's The Big Rybowski for his input.)

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Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers.

 

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