A tag team match in the Impcat.... er, Impact Zone.
(Orlando, FL) - The term "catfight" wouldn't even begin to describe it.
In yet another attempt to change its direction, Impact Wrestling has gotten rid of its innovative X-Division stars including Austin Aries, Brian Kendrick and Christopher Daniels, and replaced them with roughly a dozen housecats.
"This is the next natural innovation for our industry," CEO Dixie Carter told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News recently while we were on a date playing miniature golf. "Cats are the original high-flyers and will happily work for a pat on the head or a rub of the belly.
"Plus we already pay most of our performers in Meow Mix. So there's that."
The furry creatures will perform daring stunts in the Impact Zone, and will bring about innovations such as the Litterbox Match and the Cat Scratch Fever Match (which will somehow involve Abyss).
The Professor Meow Tenay gets ready to call the action.
Some fans had already been tipped off to the change when they noticed the changing of Impact's Destination X pay-per-view to the name Feline Fury.
"We are changing our entire business model to cater to the hybrid cat/wrestling fan," said Carter, who didn't appreciate it when World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News attempted to get fresh with her at the end of our date.
Some members of Impact Wrestling, however, are less than enthused about the new direction.
"These cats are so lazy, brother," Tweeted an obviously angry Hulk Hogan. "All they do is lie around all day, licking themselves - HH"
In an unrelated development, former "World" Champion Jeff Hardy recently tested positive for catnip.
Canadian Bulldog has been writing about professional wrestling since 2003, and became a WWI Superstar at
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