(Stamford, CT) - World Wrestling Entertainment Chairman Vince McMahon has pledged to give away millions of dollars to worthwhile causes over the next few years through the establishment of a new charitable organization. 

He only asks one thing in return.

"If anyone wants to get their hands on my mun-nay," McMahon told World Wrestling Insanity News. "They can come over here and kiss my ass!" .

McMahon insists that, by saying that, he doesn't mean to imply that recipients won't receive the money. He means that, in the literal sense, applicants will be required to bend down and kiss the posterior of the charity's founder.

"This is a revolutionary day in the world of philanthropy," McMahon cackled, while waving his butt cheeks in the air.

Groups such as the American Cancer Society and Second Harvest were delighted upon learning of McMahon's generosity. They were less delighted, however, when they discovered the terms of his offer.

"You'd never see, say, Bill Gates making you kiss his butt to receive donations," observed  Martin Rogoff, a board of trustee member for The Family Violence Prevention Fund. "Watch, now he's going to start doing that crap, too...."

While this one may be the most offensive to date, McMahon and WWE have contributed to numerous charitable and social causes over the years, including the Make-A-Wish Foundation, the Red Cross Hurricane Relief Fund (later changed to the Red Cross Gregory Helms Relief Fund), Smack Down Your Vote, Headlock On Hunger, Legdrop On Literacy, Suplex On Cirhossis Of The Liver, F-U On Famine, and Sean Waltman.

McMahon added that, for some reason, he would be especially pleased to make a donation to the World Wildlife Fund.

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Did You Know....?

Fun Facts About Professional Wrestling

Priceless, version 2.0 ?

Did you know... that years before Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase became tag team champions in WWE, their respective fathers Dusty Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Sr. held the tag belts in the old WWWF? To win the straps, they went through the makeshift team of John Cena Sr. and Abraham Batista.

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Jake The Snake Afraid Of Moths

Has Paralyzing Fear Of The Insect

The Snake eyes his enemy....

(Stone Mountain, GA) - Wrestling legend Jake "The Snake" Roberts has no issue wrapping a massive boa constrictor around his shoulders or holding on to a venomous cobra. He's just scared of moths.

"Oooh, who let that thing in there?" Roberts shrieked upon spotting a gypsy moth that slipped through the screen door in his home. "Someone kill it!"

Remembering that no one else lives in his house, Roberts meekly tried to kill the tiny lepidoptera himself by whapping it with a rolled-up newspaper. The insect eventually got bored and escaped into a heating duct.

When asked what he finds so repulsive about moths, Roberts told World Wrestling Insanity News that they're "just so icky".

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Breaking News Brain Teaser Of The Week

Ceded Gunfighters Honk Hot Will Not Wow

(six words)

Aaron Wood Still Ducking Bulldog's Challenge, Bulldog Says

You can't fool us, Wood! Also... nice hat.

(Edinburgh, Scotland) - Aaron Wood, a fellow writer at World Wrestling Insanity, is still ducking my challenge.

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TNA Signs Mr. Socko

Sock Puppet 'Crosses The Line'

Sweatsock on his way to the Impact Zone.

(Orlando, FL) - Total Nonstop Action wrestling has dropped a reported $1.5 million a year to secure the services of a beloved yet largely inanimate sweatsock.

Sources tell World Wrestling Insanity News that Mick Foley's longtime companion Mr. Socko signed a deal last week to appear on TNA pay-per-views and television programs, without having to work live events.

"This is a fantastic acquisition for TNA," gushed company shill Jeremy Borash, who was obviously lying.

Booking plans call for the sock to appear at the conclusion of TNA's next pay-per-view, Whatever The Hell It's Called '08. The house lights will go out, and when they return, the sock puppet will be tightly lodged in the throat of Booker T.

"Could this mean that a certain 'hardcore legend' is coming to TNA?" announcer Mike Tenay will scream to end the broadcast.

(Incidentally, it won't mean that at all.)

Because of litigation surrounding his WWE-trademarked name, Mr. Socko will be required to change his name to Master Socky. He's expected to turn on A.J. Styles and join Kurt Angle's camp shortly before year-end.

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WWI Obscure Wrestling-Related Reference Of The Week

Geez.... that's almost as bad as an Aaron Wood picture (shudders).

World Wrestling Insanity.com reader and former apprentice Cory Harris writes: "Last week, my boss called me into his office for a private meeting to let me know that he's an 'ass man'. I thought he was referring to Billy Gunn's old theme song. Boy, was I ever wrong."

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THE ORIGINAL Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers