(Death Valley) - While his famous client advised people to "rest in peace", Paul Bearer is resting in concrete.

The pale-faced manager was buried in a "Concrete Crypt" by The Undertaker during the 2004 edition of The Great American Bash. Many wrestling fans, because they're morons, assumed Bearer died on that fateful night six years ago.

Not so, according to a new World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News report. Bearer is still alive and well, and neck-deep in concrete.

"Ohhhhh yes!" Bearer replied when asked whether he was comfortable without access to any of his appendages or other bodily functions.

"Wait. I mean, 'no'."

Reaching out for the first time since the "buried alive" incident, Bearer thanked his fans for sending cards and letters to lift his spirits, even though he can't physically open any of them.

He didn't appreciate, however, the dumbass who wrote "Lagana Was Here" with his fingers before the cement dried.

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