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World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News SPECIAL REPORT: WWE Meets Dr. Seuss!!!

By Canadian Bulldog
Apr 21, 2009 - 3:00 PM


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The lovable story of a brash young elephant that hears voices in his head.

(Stamford, CT) - World Wrestling Entertainment has decided to dominate the world of children's literature, thanks to a new series of Dr. Seuss-themed books.

Co-branding with the Seuss name will be perfect for presenting WWE as family-friendly entertainment, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News.

"I know of some games we could play," said The Matt. "We could ambush my brother," said The Fat In The Matt.

"Quite frankly, we feel we're up to the task. And those here who doubt it, can all kiss my ass," McMahon said. "We'll sell hundreds of books by the time the day's through. To kids on the street, and to kids in the zoo.

"And if you're not f*cking careful, I'll sell one to you."

Longtime followers of WWE programming (or possibly longtime followers of wrestling's most popular humor columnist) will recall that, in 2006, WWE published a book about the extracurricular exploits of former superstars Rob Van Dam and Sabu, in the book "Green Joints And Spam".

Selected excerpts. Click on the link above this picture for the entire story.

However, WWE will focus this newest series on some of its most popular current or former superstars, including:

Who better to teach your children about making noises than a seventy-five year-old perpetually naked man?

Every mark who watched wrestling liked Christmas, a lot. But Santino Marella, did certainly not. "I'm not here to make, how you say, nursery rhymes. I am the greatest Grinch, for all of the times."

Someone shouldn't have left their egg unhatched. Now it's time to play the game...

'He's stuck in my pants,' I thought with great fear. Then he pushed out a crack and said 'The champ... is... here!'

Hop! Hop! Hop On Pop! "If you know what's good for you, you'd damn well better stop!"

Look for the books to arrive at fine booksellers and WWE Shop Zone this Christmas.

-30-


Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers. He can be reached at canadian.bulldog@gmail.com or followed at http://twitter.com/canadianbulldog.

 

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A

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B

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Big Daddy V
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Tully Blanchard
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Bad News Brown
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Justin Credible

D

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E

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F

Manny Fernandez
Francine
Mr. Fuji
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Juventud Guerrera

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Diva Search's Jessica Hatch
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Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Jon Heidenreich
Christy Hemme
Hillbilly Jim
Molly Holly
The Honky Tonk Man
Tim Horner
Scotty 2 Hotty
Sam Houston

Mr. Hughes


I

The Iron Sheik
Ivory

J

B.G. James
Jazz
Ahmed Johnson
Orlando Jordan

K


Kamala
Kid Kash
Kevin Kelly
Pat "Simon Diamond" Kenney
Ron Killings
Cpl. Kirschner
Kizarny
Kevin Kleinrock
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Ivan Koloff

Nikita Koloff


L

Bobby Lashley
Bruno "Harvey Wippleman" Lauer
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Buschwhacker Luke

M

Rodney Mack
Magnum T.A.
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Rick Martel
Clarence Mason
"Masterpiece" Chris Masters
Rory McAllister
Matt Morgan
Ernest Miller
Missing Link
Father James Mitchell
Sean Mooney
Ricky Morton

Trevor Murdoch

N

Kevin Nash
Nidia

Nunzio

O

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Oscar From Men on a Mission
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Pierre-Carl Ouellet

Outback Jack

P

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R

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Baron Von Raschke
Rhino
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Tommy Rich
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Paul Roma
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Jacques Rougeau
Terri Runnels

Lance Russell


S

Samoa Joe
Bruno Sammartino
Samu
Tito Santana
Dan "The Beast" Severn
Ron Simmons
Elix Skipper
Slick
Tracey Smothers
Al Snow
Dennis Stamp
George "The Animal" Steele
Rick Steiner
Scott Steiner
Idol Stevens
The Stro
AJ Styles
Dave "Evad" Sullivan
Kevin Sullivan

T

Dave Taylor
Sylvester Terkay
ECW's Tiffany
Too Cold Scorpio

V

Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
Jimmy Valiant
Johnny Valiant
Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Sid Vicious
Vito
Nikolai Volkoff


W

 

Y

David Young
Mae Young


Z

Larry Zybszko

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