World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News: Shawn, John, Don and Spawn (okay, fine

World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News: Shawn, John, Don and Spawn (okay, fine - no Spawn)

Heartbreak & Triumph!

New Jersey Couple Find Shawn's Smile

The Henrickson family displays what appears to be a smile in a clear plastic box (if you really use your imagination, that is).

(Mahwah, NJ) - A New Jersey couple have discovered the smile last seen on World Wrestling Entertainment superstar Shawn Michaels in February 1997.

"It's been sitting in a suitcase all this time!" Martha Henrickson told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News in an exclusive interview. "You see, my husband and I, we don't travel all that much. We'd just come back from a trip to California -- it was lovely, but everything is so expensive -- and we didn't think there was too much of anything in this luggage, so we left it in the attic."

Henrickson then explained, after like 20 minutes of Breaking News telling her to get to the f*cking point, that her husband Ernie must have switched suitcases at Newark airport and accidentally taken the one belonging to Michaels.

"Ernie came up here a few weeks ago to look for a frame that my Aunt Lucy gave us for Christmas one year," Henrickson said. "She was such a lovely woman....

"... And when he opened the suitcase, we found Shawn Michaels's smile," she said (eventually). "You can imagine our surprise!"

The Henricksons have offered to ship Michaels back his smile via Federal Express (provided The Heartbreak Kid supplies them with his account number), but Michaels said he'll pick up the luggage the next time he is in the Mahwah area.

"And not just his smile -- which is quite lovely; there's lots of other stuff in here," Henrickson volunteered. "I saw a pair of mirrored chaps, hair mousse, body glitter, cocaine..."

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Oh, You Didn't Know?

Fun Facts About Professional Wrestling

Shiny Shirt? Yes. Shiny Tie? Yes. Shiny Belt? No.

Oh, you didn't know.... that broadcaster Don West has never been WWE Champion?

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Hustle, Loyalty, Care Bear Stare

Care Bears To Face Cena At SummerSlam

Photo courtesy of wwe.com

(The Land Of Care-A-Lot) - It's a Care Bear Countdown to SummerSlam, as The Care Bears are coming out of retirement to face World Wrestling Entertainment superstar John Cena at WWE's signature event.

"I really care about one thing," Funshine Bear told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News. "Kicking John Cena's ass at SummerSlam!"

Cena said he respects his saccahrine-sweet opponents, but nonetheless will find a way to make them tap out during their clash at Los Angeles's Staples Center.

This isn't the first time Cena has had bad news from the Bears.

"Tenderheart Bear; Cheer Bear; even Good Luck," began Cena, reverting to his old freestyle rap gimmick for some reason. "I'll go through each one of them, I don't give a.... "

"This is one man who won't give in to fear. It's bear-hunting season, because the champ.... is..... HERE!"

The finish of the match, according to noted news site cutandpastecentral.com , will show Cena and the Bears making amends with each other, hugging, and leaving the ring together.

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Newly-Revamped WWF Site Panned By Critics

Site Features "All Animals and Junk"

"You can't even find Byte This": Fan.

(Stamford, CT) - Something is amiss on the World Wrestling Federation's flagship website, critics say.

"It's weird," suggested casual wrestling fan Andy LeFlou. "The last time I went on there, about eight years ago, everything was about Stone Cold Steve Austin, D-Generation X and Trish Stratus. Now there's virtually no wrestling, and it's all animals and junk."

The website, which once proudly documented The Rock's burgeoning film career and listed Chris Jericho's top 20 insults of Stephanie McMahon, now discusses topics such as rainforest conservation and the top 20 ways to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. And instead of features about The British Bulldog (or the Canadian one, for that matter), there are features on terriers that need to be adopted.

Gone also is the popular WWF ShopZone sub-site that included merchandise for The New Age Outlaws, Sable and Mankind. In its place is a "WWF Store" where stuffed animals and shirts with Panda bears are sold.

LeFlou added that he thought he saw a photograph of Chyna on there, but it turned out to be a baboon.

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WWI Obscure Wrestling-Related Reference Of The Week

I love this game!

World Wrestling Insanity.com reader and Club WWI.com subscriber Burt Halpinfleck writes: "I was watching the L.A. Lakers in the NBA playoffs last week. It reminded me of the classic Lakers starting lineup of Batista, John Cena, MVP, Jerry Lawler and Mr. Kennedy."

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Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers. He can be reached at canadian.bulldog@gmail.com or followed at http://twitter.com/canadianbulldog.