(Brandon, FL) - Professional wrestling legend Hulk Hogan is refusing to job to Multiple Sclerosis victim Timmy McMullen when the two eventually meet up in the afterlife.

"One day, you and I are gonna meet up in heaven, brother," Hogan told McMullen while visiting the five-year-old recently on behalf of the Make-A-Wish Foundation. "And when we do, brother, you and I are gonna get in the ring and wrestle for the world's championship!"

"And then I'm gonna lift you up over my head, brother," the World Wrestling Entertainment Hall of Famer continued. "Slam you down, and drop the leg. One - two - three!"

Hogan then cupped his hand to his ear and posed for ten minutes before leaving the hospital.

When asked why he wouldn't put over the dying youngster, Hogan said McMullen wasn't "ready yet to take things to the next level, brother."

"It's just not the right time to elevate that little dude," Hogan told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News. "This Hulkamania thing is just starting to get its second wind, brother. Merchandise is jumpin' off the shelves.

"Maybe another time, brother. Maybe another time."

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Oh, You Didn't Know?

Fun Facts About Professional Wrestling

Fraidy cat....

Oh, you didn't know.... that the reason Yokozuna used to be afraid of caskets is because he eventually was stored in one?

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ShopSnitsky.com May Close Down

Blames Lack Of Sales On Recession

Your one-stop Snitsky shop.

(Nesquehoning, PA) - The nation's top website for Gene Snitsky-related merchandise is in danger of closing down for good, sources say. 

ShopSnitsky.com, known for its wide assortment of fake yellowed teeth and tee-shirts proclaiming "I killed Lita's baby", isn't experiencing the sales rush many expected it to ahead of the busy Christmas shopping season.

"Really, who wouldn't a teapot cozy or boxer shorts with Snitsky's angry mug all over it?" one source told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News.

Organizers are shocked that the website didn't exceed its bandwidth limit in the first week of operation, given that everything from Snitsky toenail clippers to his coffee-table book 'Snitskycisms', was being offered at 20 percent off the manufacturer's suggested retail price. 

Website owner Gene Snitsky (no relation.... no, wait, it's probably the same guy) suggests that the sluggish economy may be to blame for the website woes.

"It wasn't my fault!" he said.

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Top 10 Films Rejected By WWE Studios

Coming to DVD and Blu-Ray on 6/19.

10. John Cena in "The Abnormally-Muscular EMT Who Somehow Stops A Fricking Terrorist Attack"

9. Chavo Guerrero in "Kill 'Swoggle Volume 2"

8. " The Big Showshank Redemption"

7. Al Snow in "Avatar (We Came Up With The Name First)"

6. D-Generation X in "The Bret Hart Story"

5. Santino Marella and Randy Orton in "Wacky Mismatched Cops Who Hate Each Other Forced To Pair Up"

4. Finlay in "The Irishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain"

3. Mark Henry and Shelton Benjamin in "When Henry Met Shelty"

2. Batista in "I'm Gonna Stand Around For Two Hours And Complain About Shit"

1."Vince Almighty"

Holy Hurripowers!

Supreme Court Throws Out Hurricane vs Helms Case

Stand back!

(Raleigh, NC) - In what's being called a landmark decision (by us), the United States Supreme Court threw out the case of The Hurricane v. Gregory Helms, citing confusion over the two parties.

"This trial has dragged out for nine months, and not once have we seen the plaintiff and defendant in the same room together," Judge Martin J. Stuttlefunter wrote in his decision. "Wassupwidat?" 

Indeed, the trial calendar of both parties seemed to constantly conflict. Whenever mild-mannered reporter Gregory Helms would leave the room, The Hurricane entered moments later to cross-examine a witness. Shortly after he completed questioning, Hurricane would fly away... followed by the immediate return of Helms.

"The Supreme Court is always flustered by cases like these," said Giant Machine, who was unsuccessful in the precedent-setting 1987 case Giant Machine v. Andre The Giant. "We couldn't finish our case because Andre kept getting up and chasing Bobby Heenan around the jury box.

"Also because no one could ever understand what the f*ck he was saying."

Attorneys for both sides say they plan to monitor the upcoming Hulk Hogan v. Mr. America case to see how the Supreme Court proceeds.

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WWI Completely Obscure Wrestling-Related Reference Of The Week

On this day, I see clearly. But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

World Wrestling Insanity.com reader and Club WWI subscriber Bert Stanton writes: "This summer, I was at a U2 concert, and one of the guys was clearly spoofing a WWE superstar, calling himself Edge. Unbelievable! First The Police, and now this!"

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