| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com Canadian Bulldog
Canadian Bulldog here (don't pretend like you don't know who I am!) with a very special edition of World Wrestling Insanity RETRO Breaking News!!! Now, I know what you're thinking: WTF? As it turns out, Breaking News has been around since well before the creation of World Wrestling Insanity; hell, even before the Internet was invented! Our crack research department tells us that the first Breaking News headlines date back to 1915 ("Gorgeous George Born"; "Kevin Nash's Hair Still Naturally Dark"). Which is weird, because I wasn't born for another six years, but whatever... I thought it might be fun to go through the Breaking News archives and see what was making news some 5, 10, 20 years earlier. Also I'm too busy to write new content this week. Hope you enjoy these articles from yesteryear as much as I do, and I'll see you here again next week!
November 10, 1997
Split "Amicable", WWF.com Says
(Montreal, Quebec) - The World Wrestling Federation and Bret "Hitman" Hart have amicably agreed to part ways, according to wwf.com. "We wish him the best in his future endeavors," the site reported. "This is bullsh*t!" Hart later said in an exclusive interview with wwf.com following his final appearance last night at the Survivor Series, the finish of which apparently was mutually agreed upon. "I mean, have you ever heard of anything like this happening? What the f*ck?" Although it wasn't confirmed by the website, Hart be referring to an incident in which WWF Superstars Of Wrestling announcer Vince McMahon ran to ringside at the end of Hart's match against Shawn Michaels. Hart later submitted to Michaels' patented sharpshooter hold and lost the championship. "I did NOT submit!" Hart claimed in the interview. "You can clearly see that the bell rang and I never gave up. F*cking McMahon…" Hart's whereabouts following his firing are unclear at the moment, wwf.com reported. "Aw, gimme a f*cking break -- I wasn't fired! And you guys know damn well where I'm going! I've a signed a multi-year contract with…" the former 5-time WWF champion said before uttering something unintelligible. Hart also wishes Michaels the best of luck as WWF Champion. "The hell I do!" Hart screamed, though wwf.com acknowledged he was probably just kidding around, because he's known as being such a good-natured, jovial competitor.
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May 7, 1985 Oh, You Didn't Know? Fun Facts About Professional Wrestling
Oh, you didn't know.... that the mysterious Mr. X is actually several different wrestlers (although usually its Steve Lombardi or some shit) alternating portayals of the persona at WWF house shows? -30- August 14, 1939 Horsemen Avoid GI Draft Dillon Said To Be Behind Scheme
(Charlotte, NC) - Count Rick Flair and his cronies inthe Four Horsem'n among tho se who can't be counted on in this natio n's war effort.[STOP] Flair, as well a s Tulley Blanchard, Arnold Anderso n and grizzled v eteran Ole Anderson have someho avoid'd the GI draf t thus far.[STOP] "President - WOOOO, by gawd - Roosevelt," Flare shout'd at Breaking Nesw. "Ev'ry one know s that we ar ethe original tank-drivin', zeppelin-flyin', draft-dodgin' - WOOOO! - son of a guns!"[STOP] Some sou rces suggest that the Horsemens had their business ass ociate Jay J Dillon pull som strings in Wash'ngton so that t hey avoid hav'ng a Dusty Finish aga inst Fritz and Charlie.[STOP] Othr's insist that Mssrs. Flair, Anderson, Andersoon and Blanc hard are hard at wor k developin' a military strategy nown as War Games.[STOP]
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October 7, 1979 Aaron Wood Dressing Up Like 1970's-era Dusty Rhodes, Bulldog Says
(Edinburgh, Scotland) - Aaron Wood, someone who I won't meet for another twenty-five years or so, has taken to dressing up like a 1970's-era Dusty Rhodes, if you will.
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September 12, 1987 Real American! Hogan To Face Communism At WrestleMania IV
(Stamford, CT) - Tentative plans are for World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan to face the evil forces of Communism at the next WrestleMania. Hogan, fresh off a title defense at this year's event against Andre The Giant in front of an estimated (by Hogan) 93 billion fans, said Communism will be destroyed just as easily by the awesome power of Hulkamania. "Well, lemme tell you somethin', brother," Hogan told Breaking News. "For years and years, I've had to listen to Communism going on and on about how it wants to destroy the American Way. Come WrestleMania IV, it's time to put up or shut up, brother!" During his 27-minute promo, Hogan threatened to "tag out" to President Reagan, so that "The Great Communicator" could dispense a little justice to Communism, Basic Reaganomics style. "At WrestleMania IV, brother... whatcha gonna do, when the most patriotic arms in the world run wild on youuuuuuu?" Hogan said, before cupping his hand to his ear and posing. The card, as always, is subject to change.
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June 22, 1986
Obscure Wrestling-Related Reference Of The Week
Future World Wrestling Insanity reader and Club WWI.com subscriber JT writes: "Last night, I won $15,000 in my state's jackpot, which in these is still quite a bit of money. It reminded of Big John Studd's $15,000 bodyslam challenge."
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Canadian_bulldog@hotmail.com
and it may appear in a future edition!!!
THE ORIGINAL Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for
World Wrestling Insanity
and has published his own
book
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