| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com Canadian Bulldog
Bulldog's Note: Due to some previous sex therapy-related commitments, I was unable to complete this week's World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News. But fear not, stupid marks: as you may or may not know, Breaking News has been around before this website was created, and even before the Internet. So I've scoured through the archives and come up with a handful of news pieces that are still fascinatingly relevant today. Enjoy!
October 17, 1985
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Roddy! Piper's Pit Gets Format Change
(Burbank, CA) - Piper's Pit is about to get a whole lot rowdier. The flagship World Wrestling Federation talk show starring future Hall of Famer Rowdy Roddy Piper was taken off the air last month for "creative re-tooling." It will reappear this week on Tuesday Night Titans with a new, fresh look. "Quite frankly, we're all about producing top-notch entertainment here in the WWE," Vince McMahon, who's only an announcer at this point and not in a position of authority or anything, told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News. "I mean... WWF." The new show will feature Piper sitting behind a desk and exchanging witty banter with jovial sidekick Cowboy Bob "Ace" Orton. According to McMahon, the new show will be more about interviewing guests, and less about brutally attacking them. Guests scheduled for the first episode under the "new" format are Corporal Kirschner, Classy Freddie Blassie and Joan Embery from the San Diego Zoo. -30-
Winter 1517 Oh, Ye Didn't Knoweth? Fun Facteth About Profetthional Wrethling
Oh, ye didn't knoweth..... that thy medeival knight Sir Ric Of Charlotte doth a horse-ridin', dragon-slayin', son of a sword? Whoooeth! -30-
September 12, 1997 Bill Cosby Joins nWo No One Quite Sure Why
(Brooklyn, NY) - The new World order continues to grow in numbers, this time adding comedian and sitcom legend Bill Cosby to its ranks. Even though that doesn't really seem to make much sense. Cosby, who appeared on TNT's Monday Nitro program this week for some reason, took off his trademark sweater at the end of the show to reveal an nWo T-shirt, signifying that he had joined the notorious black and white faction. "Now that The Cos is on our team, there's no stoppin' the nWo, brother," nWo ringleader Hulk Hogan told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News. "And just like Jell-o Pudding Pops, brother, it's just... too... sweet!" Many observers wonder why Cosby would betray his grandfatherly persona for a wrestling storyline that promises to have little to no payoff. Others wonder if the former Coca-Cola pitchman has what it takes to stop WCW loyalist Sting. Cosby is largely expected to show up in the corner of Scott Hall and Buff Bagwell for this weekend's big tag team match against Rick Steiner and The Giant.
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August 4, 1988 New AWA "Videogame" will "Revolutionize" Professional "Wrestling"
(Minneapolis, MN) - Move over WWF WrestleMania! Step aside, Tag Team Wrestling! There's a new video game leader in town! The American Wrestling Association, which bills itself as "the best in professional wrestling" (even though it's clearly not) has produced its first-ever game title -- AWA WrestleRock -- playable on both the Atari 5200 and ColecoVision game systems. The game will allow you to compete as all of your favorite wrestlers, so long as your favorites include Baron Von Raschke, Crusher Blackwell, Verne Gagne, Greg Gagne, Sgt. Slaughter, Shiek Adnan Al-Kaissie, Larry Zybsko and announcer Larry Nelson. And for those gamers looking for a challenge... try working your way up through the championship ranks and winning the prestigious AWA World Title from someone that looks kind of like Nick Bockwinkle. "This video game is going to be huge!" enthused Remco vice-president in charge of video games Bernie Oosterhaus. "We're talking Zaxxon huge!" Look for AWA WrestleRock at Consumers Distributing and wherever else you'd buy discontinued ColecoVision games.
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Upset City! Andre The Giant Defeats Harlem Globetrotters
(New York) - In what must be considered a massive upset, The Harlem Globetrotters ended their undefeated streak tonight at the hands of professional wrestler Andre The Giant. "To be fair, he kind of won by default," explained Globetrotter All-Star Fred "Curly" Neal. "We were thinking this was more of an exhibition game. But he just kept crushing the ball everytime it passed by him." The referees repeatedly ordered the 7"4 giant to hand back the ball, but he promptly headbutted them and cursed in French. Eventually, the decision was made to give the game to Andre.
After downing 275 bottles of beer, Andre told World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News that he was pleased with his victory, and he hopes to compete next during The Battle Of The Network Stars.
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June 11, 1992 WWI Obscure Wrestling-Related Reference Of The Week
World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News Reader James Guttman of Long Island, NY writes: "I went to see the movie 'Demolition Man' the other night. It reminded me of the tag team Demolition, at least as far as the movie title goes."
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Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty prank e-mails to wrestlers. He can be reached at canadian.bulldog@gmail.com or followed at http://twitter.com/canadianbulldog © Copyright by WorldWrestlingInsanity.com WorldWrestlingInsanity.com is not
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