Canadian Bulldog
Canadian Bulldog Presents.... 30 Amazing But True Royal Rumble Facts!
By Canadian Bulldog
Jan 26, 2010 - 1:48 PM

As you stupid marks are well aware, World Wrestling Entertainment's annual Royal Rumble extravaganza takes place this weekend. And, as usual, WWE has predictably compiled its own Rumble mini-site, loaded with facts and figures.

But then, there are the statistics that WWE doesn't want you to know. Which, by no coincidence, I have compiled for you.

You're welcome.

30 Amazing But True Royal Rumble Facts!

1991: Eugene joins in the fun.

1. The average amount of time a wrestler spends in the Royal Rumble: 37 seconds.

2. Tugboat has never won the Royal Rumble.

3. Today, the winner of the Rumble gets an automatic title shot at WrestleMania. But when the event began in 1988, the winner received $250 and a box of WWF Ice Cream Bars.

4. In 1998, all 30 competitors were played by Mick Foley and Stevie Richards wearing various costumes.

5. Demolition members Ax and Smash fought each other in the opening minutes of the 1989 Rumble, a feat that wouldn't occur again until 2005 when James and Chad Dick faced off.

6. 83 percent of past Rumble winners mysterious died the next day.

1992: The Punjabi Playboy wreaks havoc.

7. The unknown person who attacked Macho Man Randy Savage backstage before his 1991 appearance? Kwang.

8.  Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart has never won the Royal Rumble.

9. Zach Gowen could have easily won the 2004 Royal Rumble had he been entered into it, because of the whole "both feet must touch the floor" rule.

10. Aaron Wood sucks.

11. The 2000 Rumble was supposed to feature Chyna and Chris Jericho as co-winners. One guess as to who was writing the friggin' shows back then?

12. WWE has surprised fans in past Rumbles by bringing back veterans such as Dick Murdoch, Dory Funk Jr., Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Carlos Colon and The Honky Tonk Man. Yet none were more surprising than when, in 1997, they entered into the match the exhumed corpse of George Hackenschmidt.

Austin 3:16 says post no bills!

13. Mr. Fuji has never won the Royal Rumble.

14. In 1992, Ric Flair outlasted 29 others to win the vacant WWF World Title. It was initially going to be Max Moon.

15. WWE announcers are all f*cking idiots. Why? Because they seem to think that  just because someone is tall and/or fat, they statistically have a better chance at winning the Royal Rumble. Tell that to The Big Show, One Man Gang, Big Daddy V, Vader, Andre The Giant and all the others that routinely get their fat asses thrown out by a half-dozen other guys.

16. It would be tough to tell that Andre because he's, technically, deceased.

17. Drew Carey of The Drew Carey Show was involved in the 2001 Rumble, but he wasn't the first sitcom star to enter the event. In 1988, Norm from Cheers (George Wendt) and Munro from Too Close For Comfort (Jm J Bullock) each made brief appearances. And two years later, the Royal Rumble was won by Balky from Perfect Strangers (Bronson Pinchot).

18. If you pay close attention to the 2002 Royal Rumble, event winner Triple H literally held all the other wrestlers underneath a (gimmicked) glass ceiling.

1994: Featuring all of your childhood favorites.

19. Sting has never won the Royal Rumble.

20. If you pause your DVD at 31:28 into the 2009 Royal Rumble, you can see entrants Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix discreetly making out in the background.

21. Absolutely NO ONE won the 2004 Royal Rumble. Don't even bother looking it up.

22. WWE likes to add people into the Rumble that are way past their prime, have nothing to offer the business anymore and are just coasting off of past reputations. Whoops, sorry. I'm confusing them with TNA.

23. Gangrel has never won the Royal Rumble.

24. The all-time Royal Rumble longevity record goes to former WWE competitor Eugene, who mistakenly stayed in the ring a good three weeks after the pay-per-view had finished.

2008: Card subject to change.

25. In 1996, Jerry "The King" Lawler hid under the ring to avoid being thrown out by rivals. However, he ended up being dragged into Hornswoggle's secret lair and attacked by midget jury members.

26. At 1998's Rumble, there was an awkward 52-minute pause between entrants #14 (Ken Shamrock) and #15 (Headbanger Thrasher) coming to the ring. 

27. The Royal Rumble pinball machine? Kind of sucked.

28. The 1994 "tie" between Bret "Hitman" Hart and Lex Luger had to be settled by a dance-off.

29. Gorilla Monsoon was the world's biggest liar, every time he said crap like "Virgil could win the Royal Rumble!" Get off it, Monsoon - there's no f*cking way Virgil was ever going to win!

30. The record for the most eliminations in a single Rumble was set in 1997, when Alex "The Pug" Porteau threw out 23 competitors.

Sadly, he didn't win.