WrestleMania is just around the corner (it's just a figure of speech; don't literally look around the corner for it, dumbass).  With that in mind, I thought this would be as good a time as any to look at the many, many losers that have competed in it.

Originally, I was going to do this as a pure win/loss record type thing, but then I realized I'd have to do actual mathematics (not my strong suit. See also: Latin). Plus, I figured going strictly by the numbers may exclude some of the more fun stories out there.

Let's face it: not everyone out there has an Undertaker-like streak going for them (actually.... no one else does). But some competitors have seen more than their fair share of canvas when it comes to The Showcase Of The Immortals, while others have been less than impressive on The Grandest Stage Of Them All.

To wit:

Tito Santana

"Arriba!" Or should I say, "Jobberiba!" ?

Tito Santana has really done it all in this business. WWE Hall of Famer. Intercontinental Champion. Tag Team Champion. King Of The Ring. ClubWWI.com guest. And let's make no mistake about it: they don't give you a spot on the biggest show of the year on nine separate occasions if you suck.

What I'm calling into question here is Chico's ridiculously poor track record on the biggest show of the year. Sure, he had two wins, but they're not exactly much to brag about: Beating The Executioner (Playboy Buddy Rose under a hood) would only be considered a big deal if your name was Iron Mike Sharpe or Ricky Ataki.

And while Papa Shango was no slouch in the voodoo department.... you have to remember that the only people to even see the match were in the arena that night. For all we know, it could have been someone's idea of a joke to place the result in the PWI Arena Reports section, ya know?

Contrast that with seven losses, each one more humiliating than the last. El Matador's teammates, including Junkyard Dog, The British Bulldogs (no relation) and Rick Martel, must have been hella pissed with their decision to team up with the old WrestleMania albatross.

Martel proved my theory correct at WrestleMania after the second consecutive 'Mania loss for the team of StrikeForce, The Model dumped his Girls In Cars ass like a bad habit.  

What does it say when your biggest WrestleMania moment is when some other guy abandons you?

Finlay

My name is Finlay, and I love to fight! Although I'm apparently not that crazy about winning.

WrestleMania	Opponent(s)	Result
22	Rob Van Dam, Shelton Benjamin, Ric Flair, Bobby Lashley and Matt Hardy (Money In The Bank)	Loss
23	Mr. Kennedy, Edge, CM Punk, King Booker, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy and Randy Orton (Money In The Bank)	Loss
24	John Bradshaw Layfield	Loss
25	CM Punk, Kane, Mark Henry, MVP, Shelton Benjamin, Kofi Kingston and Christian (Money In The Bank)	Loss
26	Yoshi Tatsu and 24 others (Dark Match - Battle Royale)	Loss

It's hard to blame Finlay for this one (or most of the other wrestlers listed here, for that matter, as they're pretty much all given instructions on what to do beforehand).

For the most part, he's been stuck in matches that he had no chance of winning. I mean, three Money In The Bank appearances? Really? Buddy probably can't even climb a ladder to fix the roof at his age; never mind to grab a briefcase suspended from a flimsy cable, while half-a-dozen wrestlers are flipping up and down around him.

Same with the dark match battle royale. I'm pretty sure someone flips a coin beforehand to decide who gets the 'honor' of winning what will, at best, be an extra or the Mania DVD a few months later. Calling it right now: WM27's dark match battle royale will be won by either Tyler Reks or Ranjin Singh.

But in the one match where The Man They Called Fit probably should have come out on top... he didn't.  Just weeks before Mania, it had been announced that Hornswoggle wasn't Vince McMahon's bastard after all, but he was instead sired by John Bradshaw Layfield. Or maybe Finlay; I can't be bothered to remember.

So Finlay challenged JBL to a match at Mania -- the dreaded Belfast Brawl, no less! This was Finlay's specialty match -- to him, it was just like the ones they have on the mean streets of Ireland every day!

Did The Belfast Bruiser win his own specialty match? Er... nope. JBL simply beat the crap out of him with a garbage can lid, and then punked out his snot-nosed kid for good measure. Way to shine, Papa Finlay!

---

Ultimo Dragon

So many belts, so few wins.

Now.... being 0 and 1 isn't a terrible track record in itself (unless we're talking "times one tried to make out with Aaron Wood"), and you have to consider that he was competing against many other top cruiserweights. And Funaki.

But the reason Ultimo Dragon appears on this list has nothing to do with the match result. It has to do with his botched entrance at WrestleMania XX:

BWHAHAHAHAHAH! Way to walk, No Feet! What's the matter, could you not see through your mask? Were your ridiculous shoulderpads weighing you down? Did Tajiri spit green mist all over the entrance ramp?

No offense, but I can totally see why he wasn't invited back to WrestleMania 21.

Jeff Hardy

Exist 2 Job

It's one thing to call out a Finlay type for having an 0 and 5 WrestleMania record. It's another entirely when Jeff Hardy -- a four-time former World Champion who routinely steals the show -- fares just as well.

In some of the crazy tag team matches, it was anyone's guess who would win (even though a win by The Charismatic Enigma would have no doubt been well-received by millions of Hardy fangrrzls). Same deal with Money In The Bank at WM23.

But to lose to his own huge douche canoe of a brother Matt Hardy at WrestleMania 25 still makes no sense, to this very day! After all, Jeff was clearly the more "over" of the two Hardyz, had been World Champion mere months earlier, AND he was out for revenge against his bro.

Oh, and a fun fact: Wrestling's Antichrist was scheduled to be in WrestleMania 24's MITB ladder match -- he even qualified for it by winning a match against everyone's favorite foot fetishist Snitsky. It's likely Jeffy would have even won that year, fixing his crappy WM record for good and probably setting up for a title reign. But because Hardy was suspended by WWE for a drug violation, he was forced to not wrestle on the show and watch from the sidelines.

TNA - TAKE NOTE!!!

Ron Simmons

What he said.

What does Ron Simmons, The Artist Formerly Known As Faarooq, have to say about this less-than-stellar record?

The Big Show

I've lost THIS many times at WrestleMania! Oh, wait... more than that....

One could argue that at six foot twenty, or whatever WWE's advertising The Big Show's height at these days, the guy probably doesn't need to do too many jobs. Yet here he is with a (snicker) 2 and 8 record at Mania.

Some of the losses were unavoidable; it's not like he was going to win a World Title match in the main or semi-main event, and it was quite obvious at WrestleMania 20 that the powers-that-be were about to push John Cena hype into overdrive.

But that doesn't explain losses to both a boxer and a friggin' sumo wrestler! Maybe at WrestleMania 28, he can take a page from the likes of Tracy Smothers and face off against a wrestling bear?

Goldust

I'd probably have that look if I lost all my Mania matches, too.

Getting stripped down to your Marlena's Secret undies, live on PPV? Goldie is now officially a WrestleMania loser.

The Dudley Boyz

D-Von.... get the loser's purse!

How come The Dudley Boyz -- the most decorated tag team in history (even if you exclude their crap-ass TNA reigns) never got a single 'W' in the history of WrestleMania?

Maybe it was because Vince kept sticking them in friggin' three- and four-team matches! Nothing the tag team dynasties that were Billy & Chuck or Cade & Jindrak, but they probably could have taken the respective nights off.

Or, here's a brilliant idea: You have four teams? Book TWO tag team matches! Or eight singles matches! Or..... none at all, for that matter -- it wouldn't have made much difference in the grand scheme of things.

Vince McMahon

I'm.... Fired?

Look, no one ever suggested that Vince McMahon was this unstoppable legend, capable of ending The Undertaker's streak or anything. But still - 0 and 4? You'd figure that someone who always works No Holds Barred matches (and producedthe atrocity of a movie by the same name) would know how to compete in one!

What's more, three quarters of Vinnie Mac's opponents weren't exactly top guys -- at least, at that point in their careers. Shane O' Mac was an executive that liked to take crazy leaps off the furniture; The Hulkster had already had 34 or his 68 back surgeries before squaring off against The Boss; and no offense, but The Hitman was recovering from a friggin' stroke.

And yet... Mr. McMahon's win/loss record is only part of the reason he's a WrestleMania Loser. It more has to do with the fact that, at Wrestlemania, he was beaten up by a sixty-something year-old billionaire, and then got his head shaved:

Based on past experiences, I'd say Vince has No Chance In Hell on winning a future match at Mania.

Shawn Michaels

The icon... the showstopper.... the main event.... the biggest WrestleMania Loser of them all?

There aren't too people who wouldn't equate Shawn Michaels with being Mr. WrestleMania. But I would.

Sure, he's had the best matches almost every time he's been out there, and with 17 matches to his credit... there are few people who have even come close to the number of appearances he's had (with the exception of The Undertaker, and we all know what his track record is like). HBK even won the WWF World Championship in the lengthiest Mania match on record - no small task.

"If that's true, why are you calling the guy a... loser!?!" is what you must be asking yourselves, assuming you have a habit of talking to wrestling columns.

Look, I get that this is a controversial pick... but hear me out.

Going 6 and 11 is, relatively speaking, hardly anything one should be bragging about. If WWE superstars were NFL franchises, The Heartbreak Kid would be the Cleveland Browns.

Sure, if you play the percentages, Michaels had a better day at the office than Tito Santana, Finlay or Big Show. But who would compare Mr. Sweet Chin Music to either of those guys? I'd be more inclined to put him in the same category as certified WWE Legends like Triple H (8 wins, 6 losses), Macho Man Randy Savage (7 wins, 4 losses), Stone Cold Steve Austin (5 wins, 2 losses), Bret Hart (7 and 7) or The Rock (4 and 4).

And let's consider the quality of the folks he actually beat. They range from fantastic (Bret Hart, Chris Jericho and Ric Flair) to meh (Tito Santana, Haku and The Barbarian) to not technically even a wrestler (Vince McMahon). Again -- nothing to sneeze at, but certainly not the most elite group of victims for someone who is "arguably the greatest of all time."

Mr. WrestleMania, indeed. More like Mr. WrestleMania Loser! 

I'm hopeful someone will point this out during his Hall of Fame induction this weekend.