Breaking News: TNA To Just Give Everyone Existing Gimmicks

 

 

 

 

 

The new faces of TNA (Clockwise from top): Joemaga, King Killings, The Rated AJ Superstyles, Sonjayto.

 

By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News

(Orlando, FL) � After the tremendous response they experienced in recent weeks with "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal, "Stone Cold" Shark Boy and Christopher Daniels Wearing A Sting Mask For No Apparent Reason, Total Nonstop Action Wrestling has decided to give all of their wrestlers a character overhaul.

"I think it's a tremendous idea," explained Spanish Heat Konnan. "Not only does it help freshen up our character, but it gives the fans something to relate to, holmes. Viva la rasa!"

Beginning at TNA's next pay-per-view "Whatever It's Called 2007", new gimmicks that will debut include the repackaged Martyr and Kaz as Matt and Frank, The Bentley Boyz, as well as "Ravishing" Robert Roode, "Hercules" Hernandez and Gail Wang Yang Kim.

In the main event, Quadruple C (formerly known as "Captain Charisma" Christian Cage) will battle "Mr. Flawless" Kurt Angle and "The Dead Soul" Stingertaker in a "Hell In The Six-Sided Cell" match.

"I don�t understand why I even need a new gimmick," said an exasperated Angle after learning of his new moniker. "The Olympic Hero one worked just fine for me for years."

"Er, I mean... now that's what I call, absolutely... flawless!"

Look for The Big Black, Brown and Grey Machine Abyss to interfere in the main event, or possibly The Great Senshi.

Critics claim that TNA is going "over the line" in emulating characters that first rose to prominence in rival promotion World Wrestling Entertainment. Some within the company's creative process, however, disagree.

"People have to realize that I came up with mozt of theze gimmickz in the firzt place," claimed TNA head writer and occasional World Wrestling Insanity advice columnist Vince Russo. "If ya smellllalalalalow... what The Vince iz cookin'."

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Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com