Yes! I'm bigger than a Walkman.

I've been trying to watch The Rise and Fall of WCW but I keep falling asleep. In defense of the DVD, I usually try to watch it after I've been drinking for about 8 hours straight. From what I can gather though, the moral of the story is that no one is a good businessman but Vince McMahon. I'm telling you the McMahons are on top of stuff. They've planned their world domination right from the start. In fact, if you play “Piledriver” backwards it says, “Vote for Linda. Vote for Linda.”

Al Sharpton and I were cozied up on the couch Tuesday discussing his performance on RAW over a cup of coffee, while watching the girls of The View when Chuck D of Public Enemy called.

“Dan?” Chuck D asked.

“Yeah,” I said and gave Al a quick wink.

“This is Chuck D.”

“I know. Caller I.D. Caller Chuck I.D if you will.”

“Real funny. Can you ask Al something for me?”

“Sure,” I said.

“Ask him what the hell he uses in his hair.”

“I'm not sure that's a good idea, Chuck. He's a bit touchy about that. Plus he's busy listening to Joy Behar at the moment. She's his favorite.”

“Fine,” Chuck said. “But can you at least change your name to Big Dan Stud. The public demands it.”

“I'll think about it.”

See, you thought I was going to go in a totally different direction with that didn't you? You thought Chuck D was going to ask Al Sharpton what the hell a Civil Rights leader is doing wasting what's left of his credibility by hosting RAW. That's why I write the column and you don't, friend. I'm Big Dan Stud, and I'm always thinking outside the box.

If I wrote for RAW, Jericho would still have Cena in the Walls of Jericho. My God, Cena has a better healing factor than Wolverine. I've always hated this sort of shit. My views are well known on it. Well known by my three fans anyway. It still makes me mad every time. It's like telling the audience, “hey you're stupid enough to believe us when we tell you Cena can get the hell beat out of him and then magically be okay enough to scare the hell out of our top heel.” Well, I don't buy it. And just for that, I'm not voting for Linda.

The entire Monday night show was pretty bad. It was so bad I found myself chanting, “Goldberg, Goldberg” in the middle of it. I don't mean Bill Goldberg either. I mean this guy I know Fred Goldberg. He's always trying to get me to go have a beer with him, but the problem is he's a really boring guy. I mean he has three insect collections and they are all he talks about. Still, I prefer that over Monday's RAW.

At least some cool shit happened on TNA this week. Am I right? Seriously, am I right? I missed it this week. Maybe I'll catch a replay or something (I don't yet have DVR). Jesus Christ. I just looked up the results. A.J. Styles is the new champion?! And I freakin' missed it. Son of a mother frakin' sumbitch shittitty. I hope they move into a Styles/Joe program eventually. I could watch those two wrestle every week.