Dan Crocker
Dan Crocker on: I'm Not a Celebrity...Get Me Torrie Wilson, The Joker Boy Returns, The Animal Can't Climb, Poor Widdle Cody, and Pink Pants
By Dan Crocker
Jun 4, 2009 - 8:27 AM

Goodbye Mr. Kennedy Kennedy Kennedy, and hello Torrie Wilson. Damn, she even looks hot in the middle of the jungle with no makeup. Otherwise, the show is just pretty dumb. From what I can tell, it's   a bunch of people camping--some Spence guy makes an ass of himself, and then everyone gets together in the evening and eats bugs. It's just like when my family goes camping, sans the beer, and instead of bugs we eat BBQ. My money, if I actually had money, is on Sanjaya. That kids has the “it” factor. Reminds me of a young Ben Vereen.

Hells yes, I'll get you out of there!

I'm half tempted to get the Extreme Rules PvP just for the Tommy Dreamer stuff. It's been pretty well booked in my, um, book. I don't think he'll win on Sunday, but then again I could be surprised. So yes, I might actually fork out good moolah for the first time in awhile to see this.  

I like Kelly Kelly's pink pants.

I have a few things to say about this Flair/Orton street fight from Monday and not all of them are going to be pretty. First of all, Flair, especially his hair, is starting to look more and more like the Joker. Perhaps it's from years of bleaching it blond, but it's really gone to hell. I love Flair, everyone knows this, but all he needs now is a purple suit and some lipstick and he's ready to rundown Batman.

Okay, so the brawl actually wasn't bad. There was some drama, and it looked good overall. Here's another question, however.   Why would the figure four hurt more on the announcer's table than anywhere else? Why go through all of that trouble of clearing the table just to do the figure four? Look, I'm not a sixteen time world champion. Hell I've never even been in a wrestling ring. Maybe Flair knows something I don't. Maybe the move hurts worse at higher elevations.

What was Batista doing in the back?   You'd think that they didn't have TVs back there. Couldn't he see they were locking Flair—and really it took them about 20 minutes to do this—into the cage and he needed help? Or couldn't   he hear all the people chanting for him?   Did he have to change back into his trunks?   I was under the impression that wrestlers just hung out in back in their gear for some odd, homoerotic reason. If I were a professional wrestler, which I'm not or I'd have known that elevation increases pain, I'd change out of my trunks and into some regular blue jeans as soon as my match was over. Call me modest, but I wouldn't feel real comfortable walking around in my underwear for two hours. Although I would encourage Kelly Kelly to do so.

Finally, climb the cage, Batista. Climb the freakin' cage!   I mean that's what the cage is for. People climb out of it all the time. It's one of the stipulations. Certainly you can climb into one. You're supposed to be a world class athlete. Otherwise, I thought the brawl was pretty good.

Cody Rhodes looked like a fifth grader in the ring with Batista. He definitely needs to wine and dine on a few more pork and beans.

All right, folks. I'll see you next week I reckon. In the mean time you should check out The Trailer Park Quarterly. http://www.sundress.net/tpq/  

Wait, I can't go without mentioning this:

It'll give you the energy to carry on when your crazy ass wife leaves you for a nineteen year old.

No, I'm not going to mention anything about inappropriately rubbing sunblock on your daughter. I'm just not going to go there. Instead, I'll leave you with this. Ladies and Gentleman, pink pants.