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Dan Crocker on...The Ballad of Freddy Mayberry Jr, Chavo Poor Chavo, Egg Salad, The Stalking Angle, West Goes South, and More

By Dan Crocker Aug 20, 2009 - 8:59 AM

So Kurt Angle got arrested, huh. Karen told me this would happen. At least I think that's what she said. She has a hard time talking with her mouth full. Wow, I'll be going on the job market next year. I really shouldn't be writing that sort of thing. I would like to point out, however, that she was eating an egg salad sandwich. It wasn't what you were thinking. I don't know what to think about this business anymore. It's like steroids in baseball—it's just happened so much it's hard to feel outraged, saddened, or whatever else. I wish we could go back to a time when most wrestlers were fat and hairy. I guess the difference is that you don't hear of too many baseball players dropping dead in their mid-thirties. It's sad. Nothing else to say about it. As far as the “stalking” charges go, better him than me (I'm watching you Guttman!).

Has anyone watched the HBO show East Bound and Down? First of all, it's funny as hell. Secondly, Will Ferrell has a reoccurring guest roll as a car salesman. He looks, dresses, somewhat talks, and even says “Wooooo!” just like Ric Flair. It's great. I can't imagine that he didn't model this character after the Nature Boy.

Your new champion, Dan “mother frakin'” Crocker.

Freddy Prinze Jr., huh? They should have gotten Freddy Mayberry Jr. from my hometown of Leadwood, MO. Fred told me he once bit a girl's nipple off during sex and the chewed it like flavorless gum for the rest of the day. Fred told a lot of stories, none of which were true. That would have made him a great candidate for guest host of Monday Night RAW. Plus, he'd have book the long awaited my face against Lita's boobs match.

Thank God DX got beat up. Here's hoping they continue to beat up. Fred Mayberry Jr once beat them up, or so he told me. He was a master of the abdominal stretch—a move not used often enough these days in my opinion. Anyway, you all know I'm a big fan of Shawn Michaels and at one time I was a big fan of DX, but it's over guys. It's so over.

What the hell did Chavo do? Did he steal someone's wife, move in with her and drive that “someone” insane? I just don't get it. Why is he messing around with Hornswoggle every damned week?

Can we give the championship back to Jericho? Please? His last title reign was the most interesting WWE run in about 10 years. Fred Mayberry Jr. was writing Jericho's promos for him at that time. He's a renowned word smith.

I'm back to teaching now. I've made it a habit to walk in to class with Karen Angle. I introduce her as my valet. It's seemed to impress my students thus far. I said, “Look at this cougar, bitches! You only hope you can get a coug like this when you're my age.” Then I sort of blacked out and went into a 'roid rage.

I'm going to miss Don West. I know that no one else in the history of wrestling fans is going to miss him, but I'm going to miss him. TNA just won't be TNA without him yelling stupid crap in my ear.

Hey there! My interest include eating a bag of Funyans, watching The View, and crying myself to sleep.

I'm not going to order Summer Slam. Instead, I'm ordering the Moons over My Hammy.

Well, I'm taking my valet over to visit Freddy. Until next week, Excelsior!


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