Dan Crocker
Crocker! The ECW Invasion of Chicago's Public School System, Don't Buy Hookers Online, One Legged Jerry Lynn, Samoa Joe Takes His Ones To Town, and More
By Dan Crocker
Aug 5, 2010 - 12:55 PM

I just got back from Chattanooga where I was looking for a house to rent. They all look great online, but once you get there in person, you find out that they're crack dens. This is why you shouldn't do too much shopping online, kiddies. Sure, buying a book from Amazon is great. Getting a hooker off of hooker.com not so good. In any event, I'm back in MO for just a few more days before moving for good.

Nobody's PPV buyrates are doing well at the moment. Has the PPV run it's course? I mean, you youngsters might not remember this, but we wrestlng fans didn't always have to pay to see the big matches. Vince started this crap. Before then, we just watched them on TV. Maybe UHF or TBS or something. I'm not too worried about Vince or Dixie Carter financially, however. While looking for a place to live, I had to stay in an American's Best Value Inn. Every word in the name of this hotel is ironic. First, I was the only American in the joint. Secondly, it wasn't the best anything--except maybe best bloodstain on a mattress. I think it was cheaper than your typical WWE PPV though.

My four star hotel.

Over on TNA, Beer Money and the Motor City Machine guns are on match eight of their best of five series. Who'll win? The spoilers are already out there friends. Plus, by all accounts we're going to be seeing RVD and Jerry Lynn at "Hardcore Justice." I haven't seen Jerry Lynn in a long time. This is like getting a hooker off the internet. You just don't know what you're going to get. He only has one leg left as far as I know. In fact, I know he only has one leg now. Spread that around.

Samoa Joe is all pissed off about something or other. I don't know. I just try to ignore him and play my World of Warcraft. He's upstairs right now stomping around like a Sumo Wrestler yelling at the TV. I think he's watching Sesame Street and the Count is . . . counting.

Joe took his ones to town.

I can understand the frustration Joe and Styles have with TNA at the moment. Imagine if all of the ECW guys came into your work and took your jobs. This happened to me once. I was teaching in Chicago, in hopped Jerry Lynn on one leg, and started talking about comma splices. It was horrible. All of the work I'd done all semester was suddenly undone, and one upped, by the one-legged teaching freak just because the dean thought it would get more students to show up for class, at least for a month.

Apparently, TNA doesn't know what to do with Samoa Joe. Are you freakin' kidding me? Before they put him in a bunch of stupid angles and kept pushing him then not pushing him, he was the hottest thing in TNA. Hell, fans still love him. I think this boils down to Hogan having the same mentality that Vince McMahon has--fat people can't main event. No one is as much of a self-hating fat guy as me, but I don't buy this argument. In my youth, all the wrestlers were fat. If someone was in good shape--like the Von Erichs--we all thought they were freaks. Hideous, horrible, well-toned and oiled up freaks.

This time next week, I'll be coming at you from Chattanooga--if I can get my internet turned on by then. Have a good week.