Dan Crocker
Dan Crocker on...Senator McMahon's Quest For Power, Cornette Gone Wild, The Innocence Angle, Montreal's Over, Swine Flu, Pumpkins, and More
By Dan Crocker
Sep 17, 2009 - 1:08 PM

I'm sick. Not in the usual weekly way, but as in a hell of a cold. At least I hope it's a cold, the pig plague is going around here. But I have no fever, etc, so I think I'll live. Maybe. Some one recently told me that eating three meatball hot pockets for breakfast and washing it down with a couple of smokes isn't that healthy. If I do die, however, I'll die knowing the government is going to be in good hands when Linda McMahon wins a seat in the Senate.

Foley also likes cougars.

Word on the street is that Jim Cornette has been fired from WWE after losing his temper yet again. He's old. Can him losing his temper really be that bad? What's he going to do, gum someone to death? Beat them with his cane? As far as I know they took his “X Press” tennis racket away from him years ago. Oh well, I'm sure both he and TNA will land on their feet. If not, what do I care? I'm dying of Swine Flu.

Ric Flair is going to come out of retirement to wrestle Hulk Hogan on Hogan's summer tour? Am I hearing this right? Please tell me Karen has her facts wrong this time. This is going to be like watching two slugs mating—that is if one of the slugs had been in a plane crash and the other had had bad knees for twenty years. I'd still watch it though. I wonder if their Australian tour is going to come through Mississippi?

You know what the best thing about Linda McMahon running for senate is? No more of that godamned integrity. It's about time we got rid of it as a country, once and for all. Wasn't it just last year she was running for school board? She didn't even win that, did she? Now she's running for senate. Is this what bored housewives do when they are billionaires? Screw the pizza guy like every other mid-life crisis having broad, Linda.

At least Kurt Angle was found not guilty on charges of harassing his ex. Karen and I called this one all along. Kurt would never hurt anyone. I just wish he'd stop driving around our block over and over and over again listening to “Pagliacci” as loud as it will go and crying.

I'm with Randy Orton, I was pretty cheered up when Batista said he was going to retire as well. Too bad it wasn't meant to be. The Animal is back. My lord, I feel like I'm posting a homoerotic ad in my local newspaper just typing that.

Is the Chavo/Hornswoggle feud really over? Could it possibly be? It would appear that Chavo gave up on Monday. You know the only thing that could possibly get Chavo any heat back is if he came out next Monday and literally stomped Hornswoggle to death. I'm talking a bloody pulp. Nothing else can possibly get anyone to take Chavo seriously again anytime soon.

The problem with Kurt Angle, even after being cleared of HGH charges, is that he's a cryer. Maybe I'm from the old school, but men should only cry when Spock dies, Rocky wins, or they get a limb cut off in a war.

I wonder if HBK has gotten the point yet...that he screwed Brett. It's time to forget this, people.  Both the Montreal fans and the WWE. It's like a 90 year old guy telling you over and over about the hot chick he bagged when he was seventeen. No one cares anymore.

And just for sticking with me, here's a picture of a pumpkin cylon.