Well, I’m back in Mississippi and the weather is beautiful. It’s sunny and hovering around 70 degrees. That’s very lucky for me because apparently I forgot to pay my electric bill while I was gone. So, I’ve been stuck in the dark here for three days. But, I finally got the bill paid and they finally turned on the juice. But because of my power failure, I missed the much maligned RAW Roulette this week.

It doesn’t sound like I missed much, at least not until the last hour. I used to like gimmick matches more than I do now—I was awed and scared by scaffold matches as a kid. But, I have a hard time getting into a lot of the new fangled ones. I still enjoy a good cage match or a ladder match, but when they get so complicated that I forget the rules halfway through the match then they lose me. I can pretty much blame that entirely on TNA. Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually a pretty big TNA fan. They do, however, overdo the gimmicks. Even the six sided ring still seems like a gimmick to me sometimes, and it wouldn’t break my heart if they went back to a traditional ring.

They could have, however, had a match in my apartment if they really wanted something different. First of all—no light. We’d bed forced to imagine the action based on sound and the commentary of Tenay and West.

Tenay: You know the Dan Crocker, no electricity match has it’s origins in 1930s Lucha Libre.

West: This is, without a doubt, the best match I’ve ever not seen.

But even better was that all of the food, which included a tub of crab salad, had, as they put it in the south, “gone over.” When I opened the fridge, it was like a wave of rotting flesh slapping me in the face. Imagine Angle opening up that door and shoving Christian’s head into a vat of spoiled egg salad (I eat a lot of what I like to call the “salad group”—egg salad, crab salad, ham salad, etc—salad is healthy right?)

A lot of people seem to be talking about JBL choking Jericho this week. Although I didn’t see it, I’m going to comment on it anyway. It would have probably been better if JBL would have choked him with some of my 2 month old, molded potato salad. And even though they didn’t go that route, I’m still fine with it—I think. One wrestler choking another whether it be with a rope, electrical cord, tangled ring ropes, bare hands etc, is time honored plot device.

Bruiser (king kong) Brody made a living out of choking people (actually, I don’t know if that’s true, but it feels true). I know, it reminds us all of Benoit and that is sad. But let’s face it, you have to separate real life from professional wrestling. Otherwise, you end up breaking your friend Jay’s ankle with the figure four—sorry Jay. I mean, what’s next, are we going to complain when wrestler A makes wrestler B submit by poking him over and over with a steroid drenched needle? Give me a break.

By the way, you can grind up anything and mix it with mayonnaise and call it salad.

Just out of the blue, I’d like to quote our own JG “Judy Bagwell on a pole”—have you been looking through my private video collection, James? That’s between me and Judy.

(You see what I did there? That’s called postmodernism.)

Shine on, friends. I’m going to go bask in electric light.