Ok. I’m sold on Jeff Hardy. He’s not one of the all time great talkers, but he has a charisma of his own. The crowd loves him and the spot on Monday night solidified him as a major player. My only real problem with Hardy has less to do with wrestling and more to do with fashion. It’s his hair. It’s too bland. He should really find a way to spice it up a bit. Right now it’s just too . . . typical.

Now that I have that out of the way, between the primaries, wrestling, the NFL playoffs, and Deal or no Deal, the competition quotient in my house is through the roof. My machismo is oozing out of the bursting seems of my corduroys. Just yesterday I stepped outside with a bag of trash and noticed that the guy who lives in the apartment next to me was already a fourth of the way to the dumpster. So, I threw my bag over my shoulder, started running as fast as my fat drumstick legs would take me, and I clipped the son of a bitch in the knee. Nobody gets their trash out before me. Nobody.

Then as he was laying there in pain, holding his blown knee, I realized that I knew him. It was Jimmy Garvin. Ah, the sweet taste of revenge. Screw you, Garvin, you know what you did.

Speaking of Deal or No Deal, do they just find the stupidest, greediest people they can? I mean if you get offered over 200k—take it! Damn, if I was on that show Howie would be like: The banker has made an offer. It’s four hundred dollars.

I’d say: Deal, bitch. Four hundred dollars ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at.

A literal min-Royale Rumble with no Super Porky? What is the world coming to? This seems to be a topic of some debate around the internet wrestling community, however. Was WWE just exploiting little people for a cheap laugh? Probably, that’s the sort of thing they do. However, I still found it somewhat funny. Not necessarily the premise, but because the wrestlers involved did a great job with their impersonations. I especially liked little Mr. Kennedy and little Batista. Overall, I didn’t find that it added much to the show on Monday night, but I’ve seen a lot worse in recent years.

Anyway, school started back on Monday, and I already told the classes I teach about the article I write for this website. We were talking about the importance of defining key words, especially if they are jargon or not widely known. I wrote a list on the board: heel, face, juice, blade, pop, spot, work, shoot, heat—and asked them to define the words for me. Then, of course, I defined them as an obsessed wrestling fan would. Here’s what I learned—it’s not cool, even for your English teacher, to watch wrestling anymore. Out of two classes only two college aged guys still watched wrestling. You can blame “gorgeous” Jim Garvin.