So, WWE followed up a pretty sweet PPV with a not so sweet RAW. First, we start out with HHH. Allow me to quote just a little of his opening promo.

HHH: Tonight, we gather to affirm the greatness of me, HHH; my pride is based on a very simple premise, summed up in a declaration made over two hundred years ago: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, except for HHH who is created more than equal. He’s more like a plus sign. HHH can make sure that every child in America has a better education. HHH can make sure that everyone, except my father-in-law’s employees, has healthcare. When people tell me we can’t. I say oh yes, we, meaning me, HHH, can. So I, HHH, The Game, am going on to Texas and Ohio, and I’m going to pedigree a lot of folks.

Stuff just got worse after that. Cena said something. Then Orton farted out a line or two. Then Cena said something else, then Jim Cornette came out and made a match that had a few too many, meaning one, stipulations for me to follow.  

Then, Shawn Michaels lets us know that Flair is going into the Hall of Fame. Flair freakin’ built the Hall of Fame.   Not to mention the Great Wall of China and the Panama Canal. He also once drank 45 shots of Jack Daniels Black and still made love to my wife. Then, of course, he got beat up by Eric Bischoff, and then he hand cuffed himself in a WCW ring, stripped down to his boxers and started giving elbow drops to some invisible opponent—probably one of the Von Erichs.   Oh yeah, there was also that mess with Vince Russo.

I do have a question though. Wouldn’t it have been really cool if Arn Anderson would have announced this?   Show some regard for history people.

In other big news, pardon the pun, Big Show is back and in a pretty hot fued with Floyd Mayweather. Floyd really rocked Show—it didn’t look to me like he was pulling much off of his punches. Thanks to my contacts within WWE, however, I have found out that it’s not going to end there. WWE is bringing in superstars from a variety of sports to compete at Wrestlemania.

For example, Brian Boitano will square off against Jeff Hardy in a “pretty guys can fight too” match.

World famous curling champion Hugh Milikin will face Chris Jericho in an “only Canadians care about curling” match.

Ping Pong phenom Oleg Zandersson will show Vince McMahon himself who really has the balls in an, uhhh, “who really has the balls” match.  

I was, however, happy with the beat down of Hornswoggle.   Sometimes James beats me like that if I don’t get my articles in on time.

Have you even noticed that in the movie They Live, there’s a scene where this blind, old African-American dude dressed as a preacher is holding off about six cops in riot gear with nothing but his walking stick?   Also, the first time Piper puts on those glasses that allow him to see the aliens, he slides them up and down his nose about 500 times to make sure it’s all real.   Real inconspicuous Roddy.   Those aliens can’t pull anything over on you.   Then, there’s the scene where the Roddy is trying to get his friend, the big guy, to try on the sunglasses. They fight for 20 minutes, nearly kill each other, all over putting on a pair of sunglasses. Whether I thought Roddy was crazy or not, I’d probably have just put on the goddamn glasses to humor him. I mean, Jesus man, c’mon, try on the sunglasses and let’s get this show on the road.