People don’t hold a grudge like they used to. For example, in Hillsboro, MO, about an hour north of where I grew up, there was a guy (we’ll call him Tim) who lived about ten feet out of the city limits. One day, he went in to town for some milk and eggs or something and the Sheriff pulled him over and gave him a ticket for having a brake light out. So, Tim went home and put up a sign in his front yard that said “Sheriff so and so is a dirty pig.”   That wasn’t good enough for Tim, however. He’d put up a new sign, they were always just spray painted on some plywood, every few weeks or so. “Sheriff X is a pig and his deputies are piglets.” Or “May the Sheriff die a horrible death and burn for ever in the fiery pits of hell.”   Tim did this for fifteen years, even after the Sheriff was no longer the Sheriff.   He just kept on making signs until he died.

There was this other guy in Arnold, MO that used to wear a lemon suit and walk up and down the street in front of Larry’s used cars from six am to five pm five days a week. First of all, where in the hell did he get a lemon suit? This was years before Google, you couldn’t just get it on e-bay. He must have called every store in Missouri. “Hey, do you have a lemon suit? No, not a lemon-colored suit a suit that looks like an actual lemon. No? Ok thanks anyway.”   But somehow this guy found one. He was tenacious and he walked up and down in front of Larry’s for at least two years. I guess he didn’t have a job. I can’t even begin to imagine what sort of shitty car Larry sold this guy, but I do wonder what he’d have done if the lemon suit he bought didn’t satisfy him.

The point is, a grudge used to be a grudge. The Von Erichs fought the Freebirds for thirty-seven years every Sunday morning in WCCW. All of this because Michael “PS” Hayes tried to help Kerry win the NWA title from Flair. In some incarnation the Von Erichs and the Freebirds main evented every freakin’ Sunday. Each time they literally tried to kill each other. Gordy even went all the way to Asia to learn the oriental spike just so he could use it on the Von Erichs.

You just don’t see grudges like this in wrestling anymore. Imagine Floyd Mayweather and Big Show battling each other every week for over a year and the crowd still loving it. Look, HHH and Orton will be friends again eventually, you can bank on it. You’d never see a Freebird   get buddy buddy with a goddamned Von Erich. It just wouldn’t happen.

Speaking of Mayweather, he gave the worst promo I’ve ever seen in my bad promo seeing life this Monday at RAW.   Yes Floyd, I know, you broke his nose last time this time you’ll break his jaw. Just put it on a shirt already. It was like someone had put Scott Steiner on Valium. Face it Floyd, Big Show is going to boob slap you like he literally boob slapped Brandon “The Thrill” Hill.

The best thing about RAW for me this week was Cena’s new shirt—done in the style of Nintendo’s classic Pro Wrestling . Me and my friends Bob and Jay Bingaman (yes, some legends who were members of the now defunct LWWWF) used to have Pro Wrestling tournaments on Jay’s Nintendo. I was usually Fighter Hayabusa, but sometimes King Slender. Jay usually picked Star Man or Giant Panther and Bob was always The Amazon. Anyway, the loser of the tournament would have to sleep in the corner of the room, on the floor, with no pillow or covers for the night. If it was winter we would open a window and turn a fan on them.   Now that, friends, is how you have a grudge.

In any event, Pro Wrestling is the greatest wrestling game of all time. You can play it here . One of the coolest things is that you can leave each other in a “bloody heap” outside the ring with just a couple of pile drivers on the unforgiving concrete floor.   Now, go fight! And Bob, last time we played Pro Wrestling I broke your nose, this time, I’ll break your jaw.