Dan Crocker
Crocker! Hulk's Micro Championship Wrestling Rules
By Dan Crocker
Oct 13, 2011 - 2:00 PM

Although it's obviously scripted from start to finish and written badly at that, Hulk Hogan's Micro Championship Wrestling has become required watching for me and my daughter. We love it. I think part of the allure for my daughter is that Blixx looks like her ex-boyfriend--stature and all.


 This was almost my son-in-law.


What also makes it entertaining, of course, is that these folks can wrestle.   I wish they showed more of the matches and less of the fake arguing on the bus and people kissing Hogan's ass. I especially like watching Justice and Sampson, and of course, it's hard to go wrong with a wrestler named Meatball. Meatball bills himself as the world's largest professional midget.   Somewhere out three, I'm sure there's a rather fat little person, working as a dentist, who would take umbrage to this.


Of course, there are some hilarious scenes as well. Even though all involved are obviously reading off cue cards during the interview segments and everything else is scripted, some of it's so bad it's good. I laughed like crazy when Blixx called Sampson a Yankee. I've lived in the deep south and I never heard anyone use that as an insult. The whole storyline of Trixie not being able to wrestle and then suddenly being the second coming of Lou Thesz reeks of bad Hollywood writers, but it can't be any worse than Real Steel, right?



By the way, this movie has everything for men. It has the down and out boxer of the Rocky movies. It has the disillusioned son from Over the Top. It has Hugh Jackman spouting platitudes like "Bring it!"   and it has the fighting robots from every movie script I've ever dreamed of writing. I can't wait to see it.   Though it does bring one question to mind: Who would win in a fight between a Bear and a Gorilla?   What if the gorilla was a down and out pug from New Jersey that had one last chance to prove himself? Then again, if the bear needed to win one more fight so that his mother could get the operation that would save her life, things would really get interesting.


In any event, back over at MCW Johnny G. spends most of his time either mucking everything up (firing Blixx, hiring Johnny Vegas, etc) or kissing Hogan's feet. Still, it didn't take long for him to grow on me. In my house, it's become quite the fad for everyone to try out their Johnny G. impersonations at the most awkward of times. Here's an example in case you haven't heard him:



My wife drew then line when I tried it during sex. Also, if you'd like to quote this interview for your own pleasure, I suggest using the line, "The midgets came with me!"   Say it in odd places, like the line at Wal-Mart, in the most indignant way possible.    Also, notice the Hogan worship.


I actually find myself liking Brian Knobbs in this and I've never liked him before in anything. He just seems like a friendly, fun guy that I'd like to hangout at a bar with. Of course, he also looks like he could stroke out at any minute, but so do I. So, it's all right. He seems like a guy that's happy with what he's doing. He obviously just likes being the the business, being around the wrestlers, ribbing people on the bus, etc. His happiness is pretty contagious.


Finally, JG, you have to get me an autographed picture of Trixie Dynamite. I know you've got the connections. Hook me up.



Overall, if you haven't watched this yet then you don't know what you are missing. It's an oddly surreal look at an independent wrestling organization that seems so scripted you wonder if you're really getting any inside information or not. However, if you're like me, you'll also really start to like the guys and gals of MCW and find yourself rooting for their success.   


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