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Crocker! A Very Nature Boogey Thanksgiving, Roddy Piper vs. Alien Gravy, JoMo No Mo, and More

By Dan Crocker Dec 1, 2011 - 3:30 PM print


I hope all of you that celebrate Thanksgiving had a good one. I'm happy to be back after an entire week of stuffing myself full of growth hormones and preservatives. As usual, Ric Flair stopped by for a bit to give the turkey its annual elbow drop.   He was also kind enough to be the coat check person.

 

 

The Boogeyman also stopped by. We kept him from stuffing the turkey with worms by offering him a little something different:

 

 

In non-turkey news, Matt Hardy has been released from jail. However, he does have to complete a drug rehabilitation program. Apparently, he just has to finish up the rehab that he was kicked out of, and then sent to jail, for doing drugs. This doesn't seem very logical to me. He should at least restart. Then again, professional wrestlers have such an easy time kicking drugs that I'm sure it won't matter. Their stress and pain free lives make it a snap. Teachers have a pretty high rate of addiction as well. What does that tell you about our educational system? That it is a lot like professional wrestling. A bunch of people say stuff that no one listens to and then all hell breaks loose.

 

Sort of like what happened when Roddy Piper showed up at my place for Thanksgiving. First of all, he ate damn near half of the turkey.Then he decided to have an impromptu Piper's Pit with the gravy as his guest.    "Gravy," he said.   "How is   a guy who never won the WWE title, never was a big as a butterball, never had the exposure of the pumpkin pie . . .   how did this guy turn out to be a Thanksgiving day icon? If they booed me, gravy, I gave them gas. If they cheered me, more gas. I'm just trying to help you gravy. If I don't tell you what I think, gravy, no one is going to eat you this year. I get it, gravy. You're here everyday and the turkey only comes once or twice a year. I get all of that, but I've ate everything. I have the gut to prove it. Now, how did I become such an icon?"

            "I don't know," gravy said. "I'm just a bowl of gravy."

 

Then Piper put on a pair of shades, realized the gravy was really   an alien, and the shit hit the fan.

 

Never invite a drunk Piper to Thanksgiving dinner. Also, that guy REALLY doesn't want to try on those glasses. Piper on the other hand really wants him to. So much so that he'll ake numerous knees to the groin and keep on fighting. He really, really likes to see what other people look like in his glasses.

 

In other news, Morrison is the latest WWE wrestler to fake retire/be fired/ have contract trouble. Maybe he really is gone, but at this point, I'm not buying anything. At the very least, he'll show up in TNA where they won't know how to use him either. Mostly likely, they'll make him the champ for a bout a week and then forget him.

 

Finally, since it's Thursday, it's time for a TNA update. Sting will re-re-return tonight. Some people are going to wrestle, but not for long.   They're going to build up the upcoming A.J. Styles, Roode title match with a threeway between those two and Jeff Hardy. It has the potential to be pretty good. I'm always up for seeing Styles in a title match. Though tonight, it's non-title, so look for Roode to lose.

 

All right. See you all next week.

 

 

 

 




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