We Want Insanity
<i>Road to Batman V Superman:</i> The Dark Knight Returns
JG's 2/5/07 Raw Insanity: Taker Takes His Mania
(25 Mins) Honor Nation: A Phenomenal Wrestlemania
Game Day - New Ghostbusters Coming, Madden Predicts Super Bowl 50, And More
The WWE NXT Playlist
The Question: What's Your Worst Habit?
Crocker! Lead
TGIF: Cut The Bull-Fit, Kong Gone, and More
(23 Mins) JG's Free Audio Insanity: Why Does Bray Wyatt Wrestle?

Crocker! How To Live Alone

By Dan Crocker Apr 26, 2012 - 3:38 PM print

I Googled “How to live alone.”   I figure I could use the help. I got more hits than I expected. Apparently, this is a bigger problem than I thought. One site suggests several things that will “shift your attitude so that you can attract the people and events into your life that you’ve always wanted.”   For example, they say you should ask yourself everyday, “what do I want?” I’m writing this in my underwear at 10am, already drunk, with about 200 empty beer bottles, monuments of my recent bender, cluttering up my one room apartment. So I ask myself, “What do I want?” I don’t really have an answer, but I’m supposed to make a list. So I try.

            1. I want to listen to “Thunder Road.”  

            That was easy. The CD has been in my player for two months. It has yet to attract the people or events into my life that I want.   So I move on to the next suggestion. I am to explore my passions. Drink beer, listen to Springsteen, not put on clothes. Check. I’m next to redefine my purpose in life. I think about this one for a while.   This is the sort of thing my wife used to define for me. I think about calling her, but I don’t. I move on instead.

            “Have a career that feeds you enough money for your lifestyle.”   I have thirty beers in the fridge. I have "Thunder Road" in the CD player. I’m in my underwear. I have money for my lifestyle, at least for now, but not the people and events in my life I’ve always wanted.   The next suggestion is to exercise.   I think about my cousin Ricky who at 22, having always been unlucky with women, fell in love with a very beautiful girl. She loved him as well. She lived in a trailer park, like many of us at the time, and when her mom got offered a job in Minnesota she left with her. Ricky was to follow her after he saved the money to get them their own place.   He was working at Wal-Mart at the time and managed to save up about three thousand dollars in the seven months.

            Ricky loved Wrestling. He had all the stuff—the official Von Erich Family World Class Championship Wrestling board game, coffee mugs, several lucha masks, the dolls. My brother once moved his dolls around into a sexual position. I think Savage and Greg "the Hammer Valentine" were doing the sixty-nine. Ricky broke my brother’s nose. Anyway, what he didn’t have was the 1994, wide body WWF Royal Rumble pinball machine.   This was in the days before eBay, so it wasn’t easy to find one.   There were two in St. Louis though, going for about 1300 each. Ricky figured he could buy one and still have the money to get started in Minnesota.

            Ricky’s dad took him to the city in his truck and Ricky bought the machine. He asked his dad, don’t you think it might be a good idea to tie this down. His father assured him it would be all right. It wasn’t.   They were nearly home, in Deslodge, MO, I think when they took a left at the main stoplight and the pinball machine, Lex Luger and all, fell out of the truck and shattered.   Ricky bought his second pinball machine that day. His girlfriend broke up with him.

            This reminds me that exercising isn’t going to bring people or events into my life. It’s a stupid suggestion, so I ignore it. But the next one sounds promising: Keep your thoughts in a positive place.   Ricky, you beautiful bastard, I think.


blog comments powered by Disqus

JG col

JG's 10/19/15 Raw Insanity: Hell of a Sell
JG's 10/5/15 Raw Insanity: Flashing The Brock Signal
JG's Insanity: The 12th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Insanity: The 11th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Ten Facebook Posts To Annoy Your Friends
JG's Ten Beloved TV Characters Who Were Obvious Psychopaths
JG's 10 More Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
JG's Ten Insider Wrestling Terms You Shouldn't Use When Talking About Something Besides Wrestling
JG's Insanity: The 10th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Ten Demented Ways We Misused Our Toys
JG's 15 Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
JG's Ten Sesame Street Muppets That Are Missing And Presumed Dead
JG's Scene From WWE Raw (After Vince McMahon Goes Senile)
JG's Ten Signs You Were A Wrestling Fan Of The 1980s
JG's Insanity: Stone Cold's Greatest Moments (Without Stone Cold)
JG's Ten Wrestling Moves That Really Hurt When You Try Them At Home
JG's Insanity: Everybody Is Tito Santana
JG's Ten Reasons Why WWF LJN Figures Were The Greatest Toys Ever
JG's Ten Judges Who Would Make American Idol Worth Watching
JG's 2012 in Pictures (As Hulk Hogan Will Remember It)
JG's Quintuple Bypass Surgery Insanity
JG's Five Episodes of Diff'rent Strokes That Scarred Me For Life
JG's Ten Facebook Posts That Are Slowly Driving Me Crazy
JG's Ten Truly Terrible Reality Competition Shows
JG's Ten 1980s TV Characters Who Taught Me To Hate
JG's Ten Wrestling Characters Who Went Through Massive Personality Changes
JG's Ten Old School Wrestlers Who Would Terrorize Today's PG WWE
JG's Ten Crazier Fanbases Than Wrestling's
JG's Ten Copycat Wrestling Characters (and The Gimmicks They Copied)
JG's Raw 1000 Insanity: The Rocky Road To Royal Rumble

TGIF: Cut The Bull-Fit, Kong Gone, and More
Anime Verdict: Kanon
The Question: What's Your Worst Habit?
Game Day - New Ghostbusters Coming, Madden Predicts Super Bowl 50, And More
Crocker! Lead
The ROHbot Report: Winter Warriors, 14th Anniversary Main Event, and More
TGIF: Rusev Wins The TV Title, T.N.A.J. Drama, and More
Greatest Old Age Video Game Characters
The Question: What Show Have You Most Recently Gotten Into?
Game Day - Mike Tyson In UFC 2, No AJ Styles DLC For WWE 2K16, And More
The ROHbot Report: Collinsville Results, Winter Warriors Preview, and More
TGIF: Social Jobbers Over Clueless Rookie, Impact Rising, and More
Weirdest Video Game Celebrity Cameos
The Question: What's Your Binge Food?
Game Day - New TMNT Game Leaked, Big Beta Release Dates, And More
The ROHbot Report: Indianapolis Results, Global Wars to Chicago, and More
TGIF: Kalisto's a No Go, Rehashed Hardys, and More
Greatest Metal Gear Solid Boss Battles
The Question: What's The First Website Your Remember Visiting?
Game Day - Left 4 Dead 3 Coming, PornStation For The Win, And More
Worth Your Money? ROH "Survival of the Fittest '15: Night 2
The ROHbot Report: Charlotte Taping Preview, Winter Warriors Tour, and More
TGIF: Losing Cena, Gaining Bullets, and More
The Question: What's The Craziest Conspiracy Theory You've Heard?
Game Day - CM Punk In UFC 2, Scalebound Delayed, And More
Worth Your Money? ROH "Survival of the Fittest '15: Night 1"
The ROHbot Report: ROH Year End Awards, Roddy vs. The World, More
TGIF: Kiss Cena Hello, Rey Stays Underground, and More
The Question: What's Your Wish For 2016?
3 From 3: Top Video Games of 2015 (Featuring Special Guest, Samoa Joe)


Crocker! Lead
Jan 31, 2016
Crocker! It Ain't No Lie, Baby
Sep 24, 2015
Crocker! Eat
Apr 9, 2015
Crocker! City of Bones
Feb 26, 2015
Crocker! I Ain't Eating This Crap
Feb 5, 2015
Crocker! Welcome To Fantasy Island!
Jan 29, 2015
Crocker! Leave Me The Unwanted
Jan 15, 2015
Crocker! Dear God
Dec 18, 2014
Crocker! Video Poem: C Is For Cookie
Nov 20, 2014
Crocker! My Stupid Cucumber Story
Nov 13, 2014
Crocker! Elmo Goes Emo
Oct 23, 2014
Crocker! Stigmata
Oct 9, 2014
Crocker! The Greatest Game Ever Told
Sep 25, 2014
Crocker! Where We Come From
Sep 11, 2014
Crocker! What's Wrong with Missouri?
Aug 21, 2014
Crocker! My Pal, The Vagina
Jul 31, 2014
Crocker! I Used To Be Someone's Favorite Eclipse
Jul 18, 2014
Crocker! How Me and Lord Byron Got our Grooves Back
Jul 3, 2014
Crocker! The Night I Met Larry Brown
Jun 19, 2014
Crocker! Hole
Jun 5, 2014

Even More From This Category >>

ClubWWI.com Contact Us Forums
All content contained here Copyright - We Want Insanity Dot Com