Dan Crocker
Dan Crocker Looks At The Fifty Dollar Mania and Save_Us_Handles
By Dan Crocker
Mar 13, 2008 - 3:26 PM

First, sorry for the slight delay in this article. I find that it helps if you actually remember to send them in.   In any event, I’m back in Missouri this week for Spring Break. Yes, I’m so old that I spend my Spring Break in Missouri. The downside is, that while visiting all of my family and friends, I didn’t get much time to watch wrestling this week, much less think about it. I did watch RAW, although that meant putting off watching Enchanted with my daughter. It’s okay, she ended up liking RAW better even it didn’t live up to the hype.

The problem is that I’m not looking forward to Wrestlemania this year. There’s not a single match that feels like a must see.   Sure, I want to see Flair and HBK, I even want to see the Big Show debacle, but do I want to see them fifty dollars worth? This could have been a great ‘Mania as well.   They could have booked the Flair retirement angle so that he kept beating better and better people every week until finally managing a title shot—hell, it could have even been at title shot at HHH and I would have been happy. But if you wanted to push Orton to the moon you could have had him retire Flair. He is the legend killer after all.

WWE could have also given Jeff Hardy a chance at the title.   Wait...that’s not going to work now is it. It’s a shame, really, as hot and as good as he’s been.   Well we’ve still got Mayweather and Big Show to look forward to, and I did enjoy watching Show throw send Floyd flying over the top rope (would have been a DQ in Texas). I wonder how far he could really throw him?   I’m better about halfway up the entrance ramp.

The best thing to come out of this “feud” however is the catchphrase “Last time I broke your nose, this time I’ll break your jaw.”   It’s the best catchphrase since “Can you smell what the Rock is cookin’.”   I want it on a shirt and I want Mayweather to start saying it to other people—even to people whose noses he has not broken.

Finally, does Jericho’s love handles bother anyone else?   The problem with them is that they’re not really love handles, not like JBL has love handles. They’re just these little flaps of skin that might not be love handles at all—it could just be that he wears his pants three sizes too small. Either way, it distracts me. It’s like Flair’s boobs are starting to grow out of Jericho’s sides. I’m a hug Jericho fan, but this is too much. Great match with Hardy though.

Speaking of saggy boobs, which we are, because we’re friends here.   Why have Volkoff and Sheik shirtless if you’re not going to let them wrestle. I had to look at that and I don’t even get the match? I actually wanted to see that match. I know it wouldn’t have been great, but it would have been fun. Do notice, however, that after writing my article on grudges last week, JR kept mentioning how much of a grudge these teams have for each other. But, it seems all good ole JR has to do is say, “I think it’s time we just forget this match” and POOF, no match. If that’s one of JR’s super powers, I’d like him to use it more often. If a match is a real stinker, just tell them to forget it and go back to the locker room.