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Crocker! Fattening Up WrestleMania, The Tooth Fairy II, Hello Stinger, and More

By Dan Crocker Feb 10, 2011 - 10:46 AM print


Answer: 14     

A few weeks ago, I told you all that I had started exercising. That's over. It lasted one day. Sure, I want to be thinner, but I want to drink beer, eat nachos and play video games more. Besides, there have been a lot of successful fat people.   The One Man Gang, for example.

 

I'll admit there are not many fat people in wrestling right now. Sure, there's the token few but nothing compared to the past. This is most likely why WWE's PPV buy rates were down 23% this year. In times of economic struggle and low employment rates, people want to see fat people. I know I do. It reminds me that at least someone out there is eating.   Vince, this is my plea to you. Get a few fat people in Wrestlemania quick. You'll be glad you did.

Every year about this time, people start talking about bringing The Rock back for Wrestlemania. I'd like that as much as the next person. I'm a big fan of The Rock. I even have the shirt. I can't for the life of me see why he would want to come back to wrestling when he could make The Tooth Fairy II: Trailer Park.

In a world full of trailers and rednecks, where only three teeth are left, only one man has the wings to collect them. This summer, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is . . . The Tooth Fairy.

This picture of Michael Hayes was taken last year.

 

Here you go. Two fat people, one wrestling match.  

 

Good news everyone! Great news, actually.   Vince McMahon is out of his coma. I know you were all as worried as I was. I got down on my knees every night and prayed for a miracle, and finally it has come to pass. I can't believe that the main stream media isn't covering this. Praise Jesus.

In yet more miracle news, it is starting to look like Sting could really be coming to WWE.   I have mixed feelings about this. I like Sting. I'd like to see him at Wrestlemania, getting a big fat paycheck, and wrestling on the biggest stage there is. On the other hand, he represents the NWA and WCW as much as anyone, even Flair. He's always been the guy in whatever universe was running parallel to McMahon's. Unlike Flair, he didn't take a little stint over in WWE just to see what was going on. He is the guy that went up into the rafters and beat Hogan after Hogan left WWE and came to WCW.

 

Sure, he wasn't known as the greatest wrestler in the world, but he was pretty good. He could hold his own with just about anyone. Now, he's probably going to be at Wrestlemania. Like I said, I'm happy for him, and it gives me another reason to order the show. It just seems like this is the final nail in the coffin for all of the wrestling I loved as a kid. I've written here before that I wasn't a big WWF fan when I was young. I found it cartoonish (with a few exceptions) back then. I was watching NWA, WCCW, etc.

Now Vince has finally swallowed all of that up. Even Sting. Swallowed it up like a fat man.   The kind of great big fat man that McMahon wouldn't let headline Wrestlemania.

I'll leave you with these videos. Not the most technically great wrestling match of all time, and I think the ring entrances lasted longer than the match, but it's still fun to watch. The hype for this match was crazy, and WCW screwed it up with a controversial finish. Many consider it the beginning of the end for the company. Unfortunately, I can't find the end of the match on Youtube or Google videos.   Trust me on this, it's controversial.  

 




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