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Crocker! Hogan, Flair, Sting, and Thunder-Thunder-Thunder-Thundercats!

By Dan Crocker Sep 15, 2011 - 2:25 PM print


I don't know if any of you have watched the re-imagining of the Thundercats, but they have totally un-gayed Lion-O. In fact, they've made the show more politically correct in many ways. In the old version of the show, the Thundercats crash landed on Third Earth, after their home planet of Thundera died,and   immediately started to colonize the place. That is, by some accident they ended up on a foreign planet and started taking over. They beat up mutants, they whipped ass on Mumm-ra, they run funny, and basically used the place like a litter box. This, keep in mind, after they had already destroyed their own planet.

 

In the new version, they've always been on this planet and it's Mumm-ra who destroys their civilization. So, it's less colonial, but, again, they've totally un-gayed Lion-O. This is a problem. Years before there was a purple Teletubby, the only two gay role models for kids on TV were Lion-O and He-Man. Look, I'll just show you:

 

 

That's the old Lion-O--he's showing off his six pack abs in his spiffy leotard and he's got 80s boofy girl-hair.   This is the new Lion-O. Sure he's young and stupid, but he's totally straight. They even give him a bit of romance.

 

 

The good news is that they've made Cheetara totally hot, and she shows more cleavage than you   see on late night Cinemax.

 

 

Don't judge me!

 

One more thing, Panthro, the black Thundercat, can't swim. Who the hell's idea was that? Who though you know what, let's really play up this stereotype about African-Americans. Kids will love it.

 

So what does this have to do with wrestling? The un-gaying of Kevin Nash, of course. That and these are just the things that keep me up at night, so you might as well suffer along with me.

 

So TNA is going to have Sting and Flair wrestle one more time. I'd be more into it if the stipulation wasn't that Sting needs to beat Flair in order to face Hogan. Of course he's going to face Hogan. Why? Because it's TNA, they're stupid, it's Hogan and he's stupid, and they think this sort of thing will draw. It won't. I loved the build up to those old Hogan/Sting matches, but the matches themselves weren't that good. I don't think anyone wants to see this.   Flair and Sting had some classics, but the last time they wrestled, which was ten years ago, Flair was blown up in thirty seconds. I don't foresee it being much better this time. They'll both hit their spots, Flair will flop at least once, and that will be that. Perfectly fine for a TV main event, but nothing to base future story lines on.

 

Flair, Hogan, HHH--all getting themselves into the main even picture. Is it any wonder I spend more time thinking about Thundercats than professional wrestling these days? HHH and Punk might be a decent match at least. HHH, I bet, can still pull out a pretty good match when he needs to and when he is healthy and well-rested. Though...it'll probably all be ruined by something to do with Nash anyway.

 

Hogan, at least, says he's retiring soon. Of course a wrestler's retirement is usually like the death of a comic book character--it doesn't always last long. Word is, however, that he seems to be distancing himself from TNA and is just going through the motions. I have to say, I'll be happier when he's gone. It was a decent experiment, but it hasn't worked out like anyone hoped. Just like the new Thundercats.



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