Dan Crocker
Dan Crocker Looks At: Jeff Hardy's Return, Fat Unwaxed Kids, Lost Teeth, and Round Roddy
By Dan Crocker
May 15, 2008 - 10:46 AM

Just like Jeff Hardy I’m back, except I wasn’t on drugs.   I was, however, back home in Leadwood, Missouri on a job interview.   In any event, I pretty much have two weeks of Roddy Piper fat jokes saved up that have just been going to waste. The really sad part it that the number one question I heard when I went back to MO was “you gained some weight, dint’ja?”   So, I’ll try to lay off Roddy about that stomach of his. A stomach that looks like it has one of those tumors you’d see on the Discovery Channel during sweeps week in it. A tumor that loves a twelve pack of Milwaukee’s Best Light and the Chinese buffet.

It doesn’t bother me. I was a fat kid, and there was a time that wrestlers could be fat and unwaxed. In fact, being dangerously overweight guaranteed you a top heel spot for at least a week or two. So let’s forget that Piper is a man who loves his meatloaf. Let’s talk about RAW. I’m still pretty happy with Regal and the direction he’s been taken in. I do wonder why he and Kennedy just sort of ignored each other this week. My guess is Kennedy was sitting around at home when hit by an epiphany. He was probably drinking tea when his head suddenly cocked slightly to the left as if listening to a voice no one else could hear and he thought, “Regal? What the hell am I thinking? It’s William Freakin’ Regal.”

Some people are complaining about Orton’s new entrance music. I’ll join in. In fact, I’ll go on record right here to say that I won’t rest until Randy Orton’s theme music is just some guy making fart noises with nothing but his hand and underarm.

Let’s keep the Murdoch singing gimmick, ok? It can be everything that WCW’s West Texasa Rednecks weren’t ever allowed to be. Remember “Rap is Crap?” That was classic. Then they even got some rapper to come in and wrestler—it was Kool Moe Dee I think—and then something with Jay Leno. That’s all I remember, but it could have been great.  

Roddy Piper should put people to sleep with his stomach.

So is HBK hurt or not? I don’t know. It all comes down to whether or not you trust HBK, and last time I trusted that sumbitch I lost a tooth.

Finally, I started with Jeff Hardy, so I’ll end with Jeff Hardy. I hope he’s doing fine, he’s clean, and all of that good stuff. I’m a Jeff Hardy fan, and I hope he’s making sure his health comes first. It looks like, just based on this weeks RAW, that WWE is going to keep pushing him. Maybe a short feud with Regal would work. However, I don’t want anything taking the heat off of Regal right now. So if they do feud, I want to see Regal get the upper hand. Then, push hardy back to main event status in the Fall sometime.