Dan Crocker
Dan Crocker on: Big Show vs.Mayweather Mania
By Dan Crocker
Feb 28, 2008 - 9:22 AM

So, am I the only person that hopes Big Show crushes Floyd Mayweather like a grape?   When someone from outside the wrestling world comes in and gets a match, especially in a big deal like Wrestlemania, I’m always skeptical. I guess I’m touchy enough that it feels like we, the wrestling fans, are being mocked. Do we really think that Mayweather would stand a chance in real life? Sure, pound for pound he’s probably the best boxer in the world, the problem is that his pounds equal Show’s left butt cheek. Everyone remembers what happened to Ali when he got in the ring with Andre the Giant, right? And Mayweather is no Ali. Then again, Big show is no Andre the Giant.   Anyone want a peanut? (google that if you don’t get the reference, it’s worth it). Five Uncle Cracker points for being the first to let me know.

Anyway, if WWE wanted some main stream press, they did get a little of it.   They talked about it on ESPN First Take. Jay Crawford said he didn’t know what to make of it because “you never know what’s real in wrestling or not.”   I’ll let you in on a little secret, Jay, HHH is an asshole, after that, nothing is real.   Skip Bayless doesn’t like the idea at all, of course, because if you watch the show over your morning coffee (or morning Jack Daniels) you’ll know that Skip doesn’t like anything. He did say, however, that he’d wrestle Big Show for 20 million. I guess I would too. Overall, they were a bit smarmy about the whole thing—though it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. But if Vince considers people mocking his company mainstream press then fine, he got it.

They also talked a bit about it on my favorite ESPN show, Pardon the Interruption. Tony Kornheiser knows nothing about professional wrestling . . . excuse me, sports entertainment, of course, but he was pretty funny anyway.   His prediction is that nothing will happen. Floyd will get in the ring, run around a bit, and end up taking off or something.   You know, Tony probably watches more wrestling that he lets on, because that’s exactly what’s going to happen.   Do you really think Mayweather is going to risk getting hurt.   Hell no, he’s going to do what we all would do, take the money and run.

Wilbon, actually, seemed somewhat knowledgeable about wrestling. He knew the name Killer Kowalski anyway.   Both Wilbon and Tony agreed that Mayweather wasn’t actually getting 20 mil.   I don’t know if he is or not.   Which is why, I guess, we’re not the main stream press that Vince covets so much. Were we the main stream press, I’d google that shit or something.   I might even call someone to confirm my facts, but the phone gives me panic attacks and I’m out of crazy pills. When James gives me a raise, and you should all write him about this, I’ll hire a personal assistant to make these calls for me. Which is what separates the main stream press from the   . . . uhhh, not mainstream press, personal assistants. When you write James about getting me either a raise or an assistant, let him know that twenty year old Brazilian women make great personal assistants.

In other news, I’ll give this Ric Flair thing one more week before I write too much about it. But I don’t know if I’m sold on Flair/HBK. It’ll be a good match, I’m sure, they just really could have handled this entire thing better.   Yeah, I’m a mark for Flair. I’m not ashamed. Everyone should be a mark for Flair—hey, he’ll have some free time when he retires and from what I hear (by hear, I mean made up) he’s not been real smart with his money. Nothing like old guy personal assistants.

And finally, can someone please get HHH on Moment of Truth? Email me all the questions you’d like to hear hunter answer if he were to be on the show, and I’ll get Flair to call him and find out.   Now that’s main stream press!