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The Heat Report: Snitsky vs. Duggan, Haas vs. Shad, and Smith vs. Holly

By Fritz Stephey May 10, 2008 - 7:41 PM print

Hello and welcome WWI readers, to another beloved edition of the HEAT Report.

We're kickin' off the webshow gansta-style, with Cryme Tyme. Y-y-y-y-y-y-yooo! Money, Money, Yeah Yeah! Let's break this down...Shad is taking on Charlie Haas tonight. Gaspard immediately takes the lock-up into the corner. The ref breaks them off, and Haas slaps his own hand, claiming JTG hit him...and then he lunges toward SHad with a big hit. Haas goes a little crazy, sends SG to the middle rope, chokes him, and hits him with several forearms. Big back body drop from Mr. Gaspard, followed by several back-to-back clotheslines. jTG is enjoying the beatdown...but goes under the ring! Meanwhile, Shad charges at a possum-playing Haas, and as Haas spins out of the corner, 1/2of Cryme Tyme flies into the post. JTG is back from under the ring...and he has Haas's mask! Haas is pissed, but JTG dawns the mask. Shad hits Haas with his best move, the clothesline. He slams Haas down to the mat, and 1-2-3...your winner, Shad Gaspard.

After the match, JTG grabs the mic. Y-y-y-y-y-y-yoooo...open up your hearts, and your wallets and own a piece of WWE History. They're auctioning off the mask. It's been sold to a the least gansta audience member for $30. Dunno why Haas is so ticked...he has like, 50 of those masks.

Up next, your favorite superstar...Shnitsky. The Snits is taking on your other favorite superstar...Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Duggan isn't intimidated by Snitsky's ugliness. They lock up in the middle, Snicks chucks Ho-man into the corner. Shnit charges, Duggan dodges and gives him a couple of big hits. Snitsky gives him a big boot. Hacksaw then tries clothes-lining Snitsky 3 times. The first two went unsuccessful, the 3rd ends up with a knee to the stomach from The Shnit. Hack tries fighting off Snit, but Snitsky has kept control. Bear-hug from Snitsky, but Hacksaw is quite unaffected. He gives Snit a headbutt, but it does no good. He gives some big elbows, and goes for another clothesline, but Snitsky uses a shoulder block, and remains in control. Snitsky goes for a leg-drop, but will meet the mat! Big left and rights from Hacksaw, who also dodges a big boot from Snit. Hacksaw sets up the three-point stance, but eats a big boot from The Shnit. 1-2-3, and Snickers picks up the win.

Not the typical squash match...but, still.

And just like that...it's time for the MAAAAAAAAAAIN EVENT. WWI's most loathed wrestler, Canadian Bitchdog, Crappy Bastard, David Harry Smith will be taking on Hardcore Holly. They start the match off with a lock-up but break it off. The lock-up again, into a side head-lock from Smitty. He also gives Holly a big clothesline. They go to lock-up again, but this time it goes into a side head-lcok from Hardcore. Smithdrags him to the ropes and sends him flyin', abd takes him down with a shoulder block. DH is taking pride in his early control, but each time, Holly gets up, unimpressed. Another lock-up into a side head-lock, Holly sends DH flyin', and gives him his own shoulder block, immediately followed up with another! Hardcore must've been bored for that first 5 minutes, because now he's unleashing the fists. Another takedown, and Smithy goes hiding in-between the ropes. Holly goes for another lock-up but DH gives his a boot to the stomach. He sends Holly head-first into the corner, but gets a dropkick in return.

Holly dodges a back body-drop, but appears to have messed up his upper leg. The Canuck takes advantage with a big kick , and continues with different varied assaults on Holly's leg. Holly manages to lift Bulldodge up in the Alabama Slama, but...it's just to much for the leg. He drops Smithy off. DH continues the assault on Holly's leg. DH slaps on a variation of the stf, but Hardcore Bob gets to the ropes. Smitty is pissed, and continues to work on the leg. Holly fights off the leg lock with some big punches. Another big kick from Smith to the leg, and then several more. Hardcore boots the dog out of the ring! Holly slides to the outside, gives a punch, and gets DH back in the ring. Hardcore gets an assault of rights in, gives him a high knee strike, picks up the CBDH and hits the Alabama Slama! It's done! Your winner, Hardcore Holly.

Way to beat up that Son of a Brit!

And that...was HEAT. Pretty decent show, nothing real spectacular or standout. That's it for me, thanks for reading! As always, questions, comments, criticisms...feedback is always appreciated and welcome! Cya next HEAT (or iMPACT!...whichever comes first...more than likely though, it'll be HEAT).

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