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The Heat Report: Duggan and Crazy Pick Up a Weird Win, Santino Marella's Def Poetry Jam, and Greg Cardona is a Jobber

By Fritz Stephey Jan 16, 2008 - 5:11 PM print

I dunno what kind of day it is for you…but it's snowing here. So much for that "global warming" thing. Speaking of things that are warm…it's time for HEAT.

We're opening with DH Smith taking on Greg Cardona! Know who Greg Cardona is? Well, I'll lay it out simple for you. Greg Cardona…is a jobber (That's right, I said it Demento! He's a JOBBER!). DH starts off the way he starts off all of his matches…a lock-up and he goes to work on the arm. A nice pair of hip-tosses from Smith and he goes back on the arm. DH throws on a hammerlock, goes into a slam, and continues working on Greg's arm. Greg answers with a knee to the stomach of Smith, but Smith sends Cardona off the ropes and flips him down to the mat. DH hits a back to belly suplex and picks up the 3 count.

…told you he was a jobber. Eh, it scratched at decent in my eyes. They gotta build DH up, so I guess this is what I can expect for a little while.

Guess who's up next? YOUR favorite Tag Team… The Crazy Hoes. They are taking on Flex and Mega? Is that…holy sh*t. Flex and Mega? WTF…USA chants are given for the Half American, Half Mexican team. Hacksaw and Dude #1 lock up, Dude #1 takes the Saw to the corner, gets some hits, but Jimmy D screams "HO!" and gains the upper hand. The Crazy Superman is tagged in, hits an arm-drag, screams "SI!" kicks Dude #1 in the face…and Dude #2 kicks Super Crazy while he tries to do a move off the ropes…and the ref DQs Flex And Mega…

WTF!? So HEAT has magical tag team rules (Or at least decides to call those shots while they're never EVER called?) I've NEVER seen THAT happen. Because of that, this match was too short and had NOTHING to it.

WWE is going HD…I for one, am excited. It's about time.

It's Main Event time…and on his way to the ring, the Italian living in  New Jersey, Santino Marella ! Tino is on the mic. He's gonna demonstrate that there's more than meets the eye when it comes to Santino…he says he's like a transformer. He says he's gonna read a poem he wrote:


By Santino Marell

I'm Santino Marella, And Ima so great

*Crowd shouts, "WHAT!?"*

Ima so great, This is my year, 2000 and 8

With my physique, I am so scarry (pronounced scar – ry)

Ima high performance machine, Just like a Ferrari

Look at my legs, Strong like a stallion

I'm far superior, 'Because I'm Italian!

Fast cars, great food, and now there's me

Only great things, come from  Italy

And his opponent is making his way to the ring..you won't hear him speak though…Know why? Cuz, he's Brian Kendrick.

Santino starts off, showing off how he's taller than Brian. Santokyo and Kendrick dance around, and Kendrick hits a drop toehold. He then slaps on a head lock. Santino lifts Brian up, but Brian flips around and keeps the hold. After a couple of shoulder blocks and two counts, Kendrick goes back to the side headlock. Santino gets vertical and takes ½ of Londrick to the corner. Tino whips Brian to one corner post, and as he chargers, Kendrick jumps and flips Marella back into the side headlock. Sanjaya managed to reverse, but Kendrick fought him back into it. Now Santino has an arm lock on. Kendrick powers out, goes to the side headlock again, grabs atwo-count, and keeps the hold on. Santino gets the ropes, Kendrick breaks the hold. Tino rolls outside, dodges a kick from Kendrick and sends him to the floor. Tino rolls him back in and goes to work on the leg. Grabs a two-count, but goes back to work on the leg, in particular, Brian's knee. He smashes it down to the mat a few times and now how a leg lock on. Kendrick fights out, but Santino hits his knee to Kenny's shin. Marella goes back to a leg lock, but Brian is kicking Tino off. Santino takes some big hits to Kendrick's face, and starts get aggressive with the leg locks. Santino goes outside and smashes Brian's leg on the ring's edge. Santino went to smash the knee again, but Kendrick hits an enziguiri! He goes to the corner, and fights off Santino. Santino hits a rolling cutter, and grabs the 3-count.

Now that? That was something. That was a solid match, and I wasn't expecting that with it being Kendrick solo. Not bad, Overall though, a ho-hum, passable HEAT. Although…Santino's poem was funny.  

That's it for me. Got comments? Criticisms? Want to talk about HEAT? You can e-mail me BrothaFritz@gmail.com or you can hit up the boards (Other Insanity>The new HEAT Thread). That's it for me, cya next HEAT.

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